Surrendering Dreams

The first in counter

"Kadiri ka, amoy pawis ka tapos yayakapin mo ko." Pagsisinungaling ko dahil mabango naman talaga siya.

He then laughed as if he's already drunk while I saw him holding a red cup which I think is beer.

"Lasing ka na ba? Weakshit ampucha." Sabi ko pa sabay tulak sa kanya palayo sa'kin.

Naramdaman ko na lang na may humila sa buhok ko sa likod at biglang sigaw sa tenga ko.

"YOU'RE HERE!" Sigaw niya sa tenga ko. It's another conyo marupok girl. How did I manage to survive having such friends?

"Letse naman Val, yung eardrums ko!" Sabi ko pa habang hinahawakan ang tenga ko. Feeling ko nabasag na siya sa sobrang tinis ng sigaw nitong babaeng 'to.

Niyakap niya lang ako at agad ring bumitaw. Pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang suot ko.

"Wow, you look great. You're gonna find guys tonight?" Bulong niya sa'kin. Inirapan ko lang siya. Well, it has become our habit every party to look for guys or flirt with them? Why, because it's fun and it's just a one-time thing.

Sumingit naman si Serene at sumagot na mayroon kaming pustahan. Niyaya rin niya si Val sa pustahan at pumayag rin siya. See, we all enjoy the same thing.

Umalis rin si Val at nagsimula na magikot-ikot. Maybe to look for someone to flirt with.

Hinanap ng mata ko si Catalina at nakita ko siya sa likod ng hagdan at nakikipaghalikan. Lumapit ako para batiin sana siya ngunit nang tignan ko ay nakikipaghalikan habang may hawak na papel at tila binabasa.

Tinignan kong mabuti ang hawak at nakitang reviewer 'yon. Natawa naman ako nang malakas at napatingin sa'kin si Serene at nagtanong kung bakit. It was hilarious to see her like that.

Tinuro ko ang puwesto ni Cat at sinabi ang nakita ko.

Bigla siyang tumawa nang malakas at may kasama pang hampas sa braso ko. Namumula na siya sa katatawa. Tatawa lang, kailangang may hampas pa? Do people laugh with their hands?

Hinampas ko rin siya sa braso para maka ganti ng slight. Napatigil siya saglit at bumalik sa pag tawa. Maybe she realized that I just do that in return.

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit kay Catalina at hinila nang malakas ang buhok niya at napa-tingin siya sa gawi ko at tinulak bahagya ang kahalikan niya at binulungan. Umalis rin ang lalaki at tumango. Maybe she told him to back off.

"Nakikipagmomol habang nag aaral?" Sabi ko sabay tawa nang malakas. She has this unique way of studying. As much as I wanted to study, I wouldn't study in a loud place like this. You will never have the peace of studying.

Pinunas-punasan pa niya ang labi dahil may kumalat na lipstick. I should give her a kiss proof lipstick on her birthday.

Tinignan niya ako nang masama ngunit napalitan rin ng pag ngisi. She has an evil smirk which I knew what she meant. She's constantly getting laid, which I cannot relate to.

"Ever heard of multitasking? Kainis naman 'to ngayon lang ako nag enjoy. Anyway, hindi naman siya masyadong masarap." Sabi pa niya habang umiiling-iling. She may look innocent and stupid, but she's clearly not. She's far from being innocent.

She's just childish and playful but far from being innocent.

"Hayok na hayok kang gaga ka ah." I said while looking at her then I saw her fixing her clothes which are probably rumpled because of her session. It's her life. I'm sure she's aware of the possibilities of her sexcapades.

"Inggit ka lang, kulang ka kasi sa experience, dry season ka 'teh?." Sabi niya habang bineso ako. I almost cringed, she just came from a make out session, the audacity to kiss me.

"Mamaya, maghintay ka." Sagot ko at nagpaalam na dahil hihiwalay muna ako. I was looking for my first target.

A moreno guy suddenly approached me. He then asked if wanted to go to his condo in the next building. I just laughed but I shrugged the thoughts away. Anyway, I don't like him that much.

"Do you want me?" Diretsong tanong ko nang pabulong sa tenga niya. I was born straightforward and frank. I wouldn't adjust for anyone. For me, it's better to say it directly than to sugarcoat your words.

Mukhang nagulat siya sa pagiging straightforward ko. Most of the guys are like him too. Why do they look surprised if a woman is straightforward?

"I like you." Sagot niya sabay yapos sa aking balat na nakalabas dahil hanggang baywang lang ang aking damit.

Hinila ko siya palapit sa 'akin at agad na hinalikan. Maya maya ay tumugon siya sa aking halik. That easy. As long as you both consented to it and none of you are already committed in some kind of relationship, it's fine.

I just answered his kisses and it tastes like beer. So, when I got tired I bit his lips and he groaned. That's one way of stopping the kiss. He wasn't that good anyway. He smells like a trying hard f**k boy.

Okay one down.

Nagpaalam ako at ayaw pa akong pakawalan at pilit na niyayaya sa unit niya. Tumanggi ako at sinabing may hinahanap pa ako, kahit wala naman talaga. Some guys can't just understand the word no. f*****g idiots.

Nabagot ako kaya nama'y pumunta ako sa dance floor at sinubukang sumayaw. The penthouse was big enough to have a dance floor. It was cool. Maybe Serene's friend is extremely rich.

I saw Basti in the middle of the dancefloor so I went to him and asked him to dance with me. Wala namang malisya 'dun dahil matagal na kaming magkaibigan. Kilalang kilala ko na siya. We weren't exactly intimate, but we're fine, I guess.

Nag twerk ako sa harap niya dahil alam kong maaasar siya sa ginagawa ko. Maya maya ay naramdaman ko ang mahinang pag batok niya sa akin. I laughed, he was probably gonna p**e because of what I did. What we have is platonic. He's like a brother and a family to me.

"Tangina, ang laswa." Sabi niya 'saka tumawa. Sumabay na rin ako sa tawa niya at humarap sa kanya. I like teasing him because he doesn't seem to mind.

Ipinalupot ko ang braso ko sa leeg niya at nag sayaw kami kahit wala sa beat ng kanta. Sabay nalang kami nag tawanan. It was indeed fun. We both like night parties since then.

"Naka ilan ka ngayon?" Tanong niya habang nakangisi. He was referring to the guys I've been with.

"Isa pa lang, mga mukhang clingy. Yikes." Sabi ko sa kanya at umirap. Halos kilabutan ako kapag iniisip kong gusto nila ng seryoso. I don't exactly fear being in a relationship, but they aren't my type and I don't have time for something serious.

Tumawa naman siya sa sinabi ko at ginulo ang buhok ko. Bumitaw ako at inayos ang buhok ko. He really likes to ruin my hair. I hated it. Touch anything, but not my hair. This dumbfuck likes to annoy the hell out of me.

Nagpaalam naman siya na kakain at ako naman ay naghanap ng target sa dancefloor. We have a bet and as a competitive person, I needed to win.

Habang sumasayaw ako ay naramdaman kong may sumasayaw sa likod ko. Napa lingon ako saglit at nang makita ko na gwapo siya ay agad akong humarap sa kanya. He has foreign features and he's kind of my type.

Ipinalibot ko ang braso ko sa leeg niya at agad na hinalikan. Humalik rin siya pabalik at lumalim ang paghahalikan namin hanggang sa nag sawa na ako kaya itinigil ko na. He wasn't that good. Sayang, type ko pa naman siya.

Nagtataka siyang tumingin sa 'kin at sinubukan ulit akong halikan. Dahan dahan ko siyang itinulak at nagpaalam na. Nakabusangot ang mukha niya ngunit umalis rin. That's the ideal thing. If someone said stop or no, you should respect it.

Ilang lalaki pa ang naka-halikan ko sa dance floor bago ako nagsawa at tumigil. Some were good and some weren't.

Kumain rin ako ng mga pagkain dahil may pa-catering rin. Is this a birthday party or something? They literally have so much food, with so many choices. I should have brought tupperware with me. Pwedeng pagkain hanggang bukas, though I can't imagine myself bringing tupperware to get food from this luxurious event. Nang mabusog ako ay tumambay lang ako sa tabi. I have nothing to do.

Uminom lang ako nang uminom, hindi naman ako madaling malasing kaya sumali ako sa mga laro at sa beer pong. Nakita kong nandoon sila Val at Serene. I should have fun here because law school is really stressful.

Hindi ko na nakita si Cat at baka nag-aral na at umuwi o kaya kung kani-kanino na sumama 'yon. Ganoon naman 'yon, bigla biglang nawawala. Go Uste.

"Oh ano, naka ilan ka?" Tanong ni Val. Nanliit ang mata ko sa tanong niya. Baka dayain pa ako nito.

"Ikaw, naka-ilan?" Tanong ko baka dayain ako ni Val. Trust issues. As a law student, I need proof.

"Four sa akin" sagot ni Val.

"Three lang ang sa akin. Busy kasi ako." I bet she's been socializing with her friends and acquaintances. She's the friendly one.

"Pito ang akin, mga weakshit. Magsi-uwi na kayo, ako na naman ang nanalo!" Tumatawang saad ko dahil alam kong panalo na naman ako at may utang sila sa 'kin. I like to win always and I think I have never lost a game.

Sumimangot naman silang dalawa. Ngunit ngumisi rin dahil alam nilang hindi ako nagsisinungaling. They know me well.

"Ready your shoes, bags and clothes." Sabi ko habang humahalakhak. They like giving branded clothing, they're that rich. I think they know that I can't afford it so they're just generous when it comes to me.

Ito kasi ang pustahan namin at dahil mayaman naman sila ay pumayag din. Barya lang naman 'yon para sa kanila, sa akin hindi kaya ayaw kong matalo. The reality of being me.

Humiwalay ako at pumunta sa bar area at mag-isang uminom. Naramdaman ko na may tumabi sa'kin kaya napalingon ako.

Ngumiti siya, para siyang model ng toothpaste. Ngumiti rin ako pabalik at nakitang pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang katawan ko. He looks cute, my type. I think he's a model or something.

"Hey beautiful, what's your name?" Tanong niya habang nakangiti at nakalahad ang kamay.

"I'm Rea" I answered. Never give your personal details to someone not your type.

I wasn't completely lying, just manipulating facts because my real name is Tanniña Astraea Peralez. Medyo masagwa lang ang pangalan ko at mukhang iniinsulto ang nanay ko kaya ang pinapatawag ko sa'kin ay Tanya. That actually sounds better.

Hindi ko tinanggap ang nakalahad niyang kamay at agad ko nalang niyakap ang leeg niya at hinalikan siya sa labi. Grab the chance.

Tumugon rin siya agad hanggang sa marinig kong may nagsalita sa tabi ko. I was completely awed by the voice that I ended up staring at him.

"Excuse me." Sabi ng lalaki. Napatingin ako at nakitang naka-harang pala ang legs ko sa dinaraanan niya kaya inayos ko agad ang upo ko.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Mayroong makakapal na salamin at medyo weird na pananamit ngunit mukhang mamahalin. He definitely looks like a rich nerd.

Tinitigan ko lang siya at pinagmasdan. Sa likod ng makapal at malaking salamin ay ang gwapo niyang mukha. Hindi mo mapapansin hangga't hindi mo siya titigan. Most probably you would judge him first because of what he wears.

Lasing na ata ako at nagmumukha na siyang anghel.

May biglang humalik ulit sa akin at napa-baling ang atensyon ko sa huma-halik, nakalimutan ko na na may kahalikan pala ako. Itinigil ko rin at sabi kong pupunta akong CR. He let go of me that easily. He may have sensed that I'm not into him.

Umalis lang ako at pumunta sa bandang kusina at doon umupo. Inom lang ako nang inom hanggang sa mahilo ako. I must have drunk something heavy.

May humila sa'kin na pamilyar na amoy, nakita kong si Serene lang pala. I was too dizzy to even notice. Maybe I should sober up a little.

"Halika, I'll introduce you to someone." Sabi niya at hinila ako paakyat. Gosh, this is exhausting. I wanna sleep.

Nagpahila ako at medyo nadadapa-dapa pa sa paghila niya. What's with the rush?

Nakaakyat kami at may tinawag siya.

"Liam!" sigaw niya. I followed her eyes and saw her looking at someone. He's definitely a Greek god.

Napatingin naman ako sa lalaking nasa harap ko. Gwapo rin siya at mukhang model. I think I saw him on TV, news or magazine. Tinitignan ko siya hanggang sa napatingin ako sa kasama niya. Siya 'yung gwapong may salamin kanina.

"Liam, meet my cousin, Tanya. Tanya, this is Liam, my friend. He's with his cousin, he's also from Ateneo!" She exclaimed excitedly. She's this friendly.

"Nice meeting you." Sabi ni Liam at nakipagkamay sa'kin. Ini-abot ko rin ang aking kamay para makipagkilala. He's really familiar.

Tinapunan lang ako ng tingin ng kasama niya at hindi nag abot ng kamay. Wow, attitude. I like it.

"He's Greyson, my cousin and he just transferred to your school." Nakangiting sambit ni Liam. He's a first year law student too. Wow, I don't believe in destiny, but maybe this time I do believe in it.

Mukha kasing hindi magsasalita si Greyson dahil mukhang mahiyain. I never really liked shy and awkward guys, but he's different. He has different awra. I like him.

"Oh, that's nice. Maybe you can go together sa vacant and study together din. I'm not always with her because my school's too far, but I might visit her because I have a night life in BGC." Sabi naman ni Serene habang ngumingiti-ngiti.

Tumitig lang ako kay Greyson at pinagmasdan siya. Nakita ko na medyo hindi maganda ang fashion sense niya at hindi katulad ng mga ka-edad namin. Well not everything's about the trend.

Tinignan ko ang kabuuan niya at mukhang lahat ng suot niya ay mamahalin, ultimo brief and boxers ginto, ganoong level.

He's wearing a gray sweatshirt partnered with black maong pants with his big and thick eyeglasses.

I also saw him wearing a gold Rolex and and White Balenciaga shoes. He had his brown backpack which I think is expensive but out of style.

He looks like a nerd but I think he's hot. Napansin ata ni Serene na nakatitig ako sa lalaking nasa harap kaya siniko niya akong patago. I was shamelessly staring at this guy.

Lumapit ako at bumulong.

"Kapag hindi mo ko mahanap, 'wag mo na 'ko hanapin. Umuwi ka na lang mag isa. Alam mo na 'yun."

Tumawa naman si Serene at niyayang umalis si Liam. Nagpahila si Liam ngunit bago makaalis ay sumigaw siya.

"Tanya, take care of my cousin, he's still a virgin." Sigaw ni Liam at saka naman humalakhak.

Sumabay rin ako sa paghalakhak niya ngunit napangisi na lang ako at tumigil sa pagtawa nang makita kong namumula ang buong mukha niya pati ang tainga niya. He looks adorable. He got shy.

Tumawa ako at lumapit sa kaniya. Nakita ko na lalo siyang namula at medyo umatras. He is like a baby, opposite to what he looks like. He's actually hot, for me.

He stopped when he realized that there's a wall behind him and he can't go any further. I closed our tiny gap and he closed his eyes. My nose touched his, but before our lips met, I just kissed him on the cheeks.

"Ang cute mo, crush kita." Walang hiyang sabi ko. I hugged him before leaving him there. I'm no good for him, he's too innocent and pure for me.

Nakita kong mas lalong namula ang buong mukha niya pati na rin ang leeg niya.

Bumaba ako para mag hanap ng maiinom dahil nabo-bore ako. Maraming bumati sa 'kin na mga kakilala ko. I know a lot of people, but not as much as Serene.

Umupo ako sa may lamesa dahil wala masyadong tao at tinungga ang Jack Daniel's. Nahilo ako bigla.

Shit. Mali ata at may halong iba. Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pag-inom dahil medyo nakaka-adik ang lasa kaya naman ay mas lalo akong nahilo. Mind over matter but I'm definitely dizzy.

Papunta na sana ako sa CR nang makita ko si Val sa dulo. Babatiin ko sana siya ngunit bago ako makalapit para batiin siya ay nakita kong may sinampal siyang pamilyar na lalaki. That looks painful.

Nagulat ako kaya nama'y pumunta nalang ako sa CR sa may taas para hindi makagulo dahil mukhang kilala naman nila ang isa't isa. Maybe LQ or something.

Pagkapasok ko ay may naririnig akong kumakalampag na pinto sa kabilang cubicle. Napangisi ako dahil alam ko naman ang kanilang ginagawa kaya nama'y nagmadali akong lumabas. Gosh people can't control their libido.

I just got bored so I decided to look for Serene so I could go home.

Nilibot ko ang penthouse at hindi ko makita si Serene. Sineryoso ata niya ang pag iwan sa'kin. I was just kidding, I never thought that she would take it seriously.

Hilong-hilo ako kaya binalak kong lumabas ngunit hinarang ako ng isang lalaki, tinignan ko siya, siya ang nangungulit sa'kin na makipagbalikan daw ako, ngunit hindi naman talaga naging kami. So much for becoming an obsessed stalker.

Mga lalaki nga talaga, hindi marunong tumanggap ng sagot na hindi. Another trash.

Alam ko na ang mga gagawin ng ganiyang lalaki kaya nagpalinga-linga ako at nakita kong malapit lang si Basti sa akin ngunit nakatalikod. Isang ipinagbabawal na teknik.

Lumakad ako at hinuli ang braso ni Basti at iniharap siya sa lalaki. Nakita kong medyo may tama na si Basti at walang alam sa nangyayari.

"Tigilan mo na ako. May boyfriend ako, kaya pwede ba?" Sabi ko sa lalaki at mukhang nagalit. Agad niyang kinuha ang kwelyo ni Basti at sinuntok. I was surprised. s**t.

Nakita kong bumagsak si Basti sa sahig at mukhang nagulat at hilo pa dahil sa kalasingan. Basti will kill me. I just ruined his million worth face.

Nayamot ako nang makita ang ginawa niya sa kaibigan ko kaya habang hindi siya nakatingin ay inipon ko ang aking natitirang lakas at tinuhod ko siya. That's for being a jerk.

Nakita kong napaluhod naman siya at namimilipit sa sakit. You deserve it, jackass.

Dinaluhan ko naman agad si Basti at inakay siya sa sofa. Kinuha ko ang phone niya dahil lowbatt ang akin at tinawagan si Val. She should answer this or else...

"Val, tulong." Agad na sabi ko. There was a hint of panic in my voice that actually shouts emergency.

"H-huh, Tanya? Are you dying or something? Wait! Where are you?" Gulat na sabi niya at halatang nagpapanic. She's the softie one.

"No, Basti passed out, I need to go. You bring him home." Sabi ko at hilong hilo habang malapit nang mag dilim ang paningin. I'm never gonna drink again.

Tumayo na ako at tinantsa ang hilo at kung kaya ko na maglakad.

Naglakad na ako paalis ngunit bago ako makalabas ng pinto ay nagdilim na ang paningin ko.

"Hey, are you okay?" Tanong ng pamilyar na boses. It was an angelic voice.

Niyakap ko ang braso ko sa leeg niya habang nakapikit pa rin. Inamoy amoy ko pa at napakabango niya kaya nilapit ko ang sarili sa kanya at hinalikan siya nang mariin.

That's the last thing that I remember before completely passing out.