The Guy With The Diary

Prologue

NIKLAS

*Months Later*

Bella and I were not meant to be. We should never have fallen in love… but then, does anyone deliberately fall into anything?

She was in my arms and I could feel her warm breath against my face. Her skin was brown, very much like the coffee I took every morning… just without circles of milk swirling around a teaspoon.

Everything was perfect. At least that was what she thought. We had gone through so much already and this was the time to begin to enjoy our newly built relationship. But there was a problem and I didn't think it was fair that I kept it from her.

Maybe I needed a little help here.

How does one tell his lover that he was a vampire? That as she laid in my hands, I wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth in her gut and suck every bit of blood in her feeble body. That my ears didn't miss the steady throbs her heart made. With a gentle throb, I fought with every fibre of my will to restrain myself. To stop myself from ending her as she smiled, curling her legs around my waist.

Humans didn't think vampires existed. In fact, some would tell that nothing of the sort exists. That it was all the creation of their brilliant mind. Damn. It's almost embarrassing how little they know. For real, it is.

They believed it to be just a myth. Yet, for some reason, they found this “fantasy” so enthralling that they made novels and movies about vampires, and man, did they get many things wrong. For one, vampires can walk in the sun. We might not like it, but it doesn't kill us.

I loved Bella. Not just a simple attraction or a deep crush. I loved her so deeply that I believed my life was perfect when she was with me. She made me feel human. She helped find the man in me when I had thought myself a beast for so long a time. But then, my love for her also meant that I craved for her more than any human I had ever seen.

My hands shook whenever she was close to me. It was as though my body kept trying to fight my mind. My heart was loyal to her, but the flesh had other ideas.

I hated how often I thought about sucking her dry. Yeah, it was uncomfortable thinking about it, yet it was pretty much all I thought about. I spent so much time thinking about drinking her blood and how it would taste. The thought alone was awkwardly satisfying and I hated myself for this.

I had a pretty strong argument— it was my nature. Indeed, it was nature. I never asked to crave for humans bloody. No matter how much I hated to admit it, Niklas Andres Dalima was always this way and always will be. Sadly, knowing this didn't make me hate myself any less. While I have never physically hurt any human, the thought that one day I could, was a burden I hoped I would bear forever.

A little back story here. I grew up in a pretty little country that was half the world away from here. My father was a multi-millionaire. Maybe a billionaire. Who knows? He had been rich for several centuries.

Ever since I was a kid, I hated that I craved all my human friends and found it hard to see myself as anything but a cold beast. Even as a little boy, I can recall how hard it was to stay alone, not because I didn't want to play with other kids, but that I didn't want them to get hurt.

I remembered one afternoon, a few days after my tenth birthday, I sat in my room facing the window, my face wet with tears and snot.

My father came to me, placed a strong arm around my shoulder and whispered in my ears. “Why is my little soldier crying?” He asked, his face paler than it usually was.

“I’m a monster, we are all monsters!” I barked at him. “I don't want to live this life anymore. I will throw myself into the sea one day!”

Father hugged me a little tighter and told me that even if I threw myself into the sea, I wouldn't die. Our immortality wasn't perfect in the sense that we could be killed in a number of ways, but drowning wasn't one of them. He went on to tell me that we didn't have to be monsters if we took it upon ourselves to always stick to the little piece of humanity we had. And controlling ourselves meant that we couldn't bring humans too close to us. To this day, I saw that as the ultimate price of locking the monster in.

That was how I have lived… my hands white and innocent. I needed no more than a litre of animal blood a month to survive and I had ways of getting it. Did I still get a strong craving for human blood? Uh… yes! But as I got older, well, I learnt to resist myself. I wasn't perfect at holding it in, but I was getting better and better by the day.

Want to know what was sadder? Bella talks to me about marriage. Damn. And she does so with the prettiest smile on her face, and her eyes lost in the thought of a world we would build together. A dream that could never manifest. I never know what to say because it was just something that would never happen. How do I tell her that I could never age? That I would walk this Earth centuries after her great-grandchildren are long gone and forgotten.

This bugged my mind all day and kept me awake at night. No matter how I chose to see it, I knew she would find out sooner or later. I also knew that no one deserved to be treated as a fool. No one. Especially someone as glamorous as Bella Thompson.

And so, I came to a point where I knew that I had to make a hard decision.

It became increasingly apparent that there was only one thing left to do and it might as well be the hardest thing I would ever do.