I'll Love You, Tomorrow

Chapter 4 – Pity Heart

Manuel….

"Ok see you there.", text Danny.

I invited Danny to have a date with me that afternoon in one of the private jogging places we used to go to. It's not actually a date but just a bonding time for us to be together. I cannot impose a real date because to begin with, Danny had a boyfriend and I was just sharing time whenever he was free and his partner had something else to do. I know I'm pathetic. Call me whatever you like but I don't care. All I know is I want him. I want Danny.

I met Danny in a coffee shop in Paseo de Sta. Rosa. I was with my friends having dinner to celebrate the promotion of one of our colleagues. I excused myself to go to a restroom and I just suddenly walked pass him in that coffee shop. I didn't have plans of approaching him but he looked so sad and down that night. He was drinking his coffee and staring blankly in the night sky. He had his phone in his hands like waiting for a text or call from someone.

And by the look on his face, he was not okay. I noticed him texting irritably, like he was going to c***k his phone if he won't stop.

"Are you okay? Chill on the texting. You might c***k your phone.", I said, joking. But my very own smile faded away when he looked at me. His eyes were filled with confusion and sadness almost close to crying.

I felt ashamed of myself for joking with a person who seemed depressed. I immediately said my sorry to the guy and walked away. But after a few steps I heard him laugh. I looked back at him.

"I'm sorry,", he said blankly in the air. "Don't feel sorry for yourself, it's me. Am I too obvious with what I am feeling right now?".

I was not sure who he was talking to but this guy was giving me the creep. I turned my back again to keep walking. But I was just about to take my third step when a hand grabbed my arm to stop me. I looked back and there he was, staring at me like a drunk guy. A guy drunk in coffee.

"Again, I'm sorry.", he said. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You were talking to me?", I asked.

He looked at me blankly and start laughing again like a maniac. This finally freaked me out. I pulled my arms back and hurriedly walked fast to the restroom, where ever that was. I just wanted to be far from this guy, I thought to myself.

In the rest room, I was thinking about that guy. Is he crazy? At first, he was silent staring blankly at nowhere then all of a sudden, he was laughing. I hope I won't see him again when I come out.

I was walking back to the restaurant where my friends are but took the opposite pathway to avoid the coffee shop. From a distance, I saw the guy still sitting alone with his cup of coffee, phone on the table, and quiet.

I don't know him, that's for sure but why do I have this feeling that I have to talk to him because he needed a company tonight. I know myself, my mind won't let this go so I gave up and approached him.

"Need some company", I asked him as a walked by his table.

He looked up at me and smile. He gestured me to sit on the chair in front of him. I smiled back, we talked.

And that is the first time I met Danny Razon.

Danny is a young architect. He is only 25 and living in a boarding house in Canlalay. He works in Makati as a junior architect in an engineering firm. He is 5'6 tall and has trimmed facial hairs that gives him that manly attractive looks. But what's most attracting are his eyes. Those hazel brown eyes with thick lashes are what caught me in the first place.

Danny has the most contagious laugh. His laugh is like a child's that never knew any problem in the world, they're innocent. His laugh could hide any burdens he is carrying. That's what make Danny so loving.

We hang out sometimes, we go to bars to drink, we watch movies. He sometimes invites me on art galleries. As architects, he has to be familiar with such stuffs he said. I am not really a fan of such but it's fine as long as we are together. And with all those hangouts, we never fail to end it with a coffee. It is a very special bonding moment for us where we can talk our hearts out to each other.

For six months that we were dating Danny told me so much about himself. He told me about his job as a working student during college, his grandmother who raised him, his friends, his dreams and challenges in life and of course Adrian.

Adrian is an engineer in the company where Danny works. They are in the same team and worked as partners most of the time. Adrian is an esteemed engineer of the firm. He is brilliant, hard-working and very passionate. He is also a great team player to the group. But what's admiring to him is his humility to return the credits to every member of the team. He is never selfish. These are the characteristics that made Danny fall for him.

One time when Danny had his chance, he confessed his feelings for Adrian. To his surprise, Adrian felt the same way. In an instant they became lovers. But because of Adrian's reputation in the company, he demanded for their relationship to be kept secret.

For few months, there relationship was going great until Adrian received an offer for a job abroad; better job and higher pay. They fought for weeks about it because they were not sure if they're ready for a long distance relationship.

Danny knew that he cannot compete against a once in a lifetime opportunity. He knew he had to let Adrian go. He said social media is efficient nowadays and they can talk and see each other every day still. Nothing will change.

The night I saw Danny crying in that coffee shop was Adrian's departure, they were texting at that time. He said, he cannot bare to see Adrian leave so he didn't go with him at the airport that night. He tried to be strong for both of them, for the relationship, for himself but it's hard. It's crushing him.

When Danny told me all these, I pitied him. But it's the same reason I loved him. What is not to love about Adrian. He is smart, passionate, great at work, ambitious, and achiever. He may just saw Danny not a priority yet at that time so he chose to leave.

One afternoon after work, I invited him to have coffee with me at Complex. We agreed to meet there in an hour.

"Danny, I have something to tell you.", I told him after we had our coffees delivered.

"What's the matter, is there a problem?", he asked.

"No, everything is fine.", I hesitated at first. "Danny. I like you."

"I know. And I like you too Manuel.", he replied.

"No you don't understand. I like you. I like you more than a friend."

Danny stared at me blankly.

"Manuel, I have a boyfriend you know that. Adrian.", he clarified.

"I know and I am not forgetting it. I'm sorry if I am feeling this way about you but I cannot help it. I liked you the moment I met you. And the more I get to know you, the more this feeling gets stronger until today that I cannot help but confess my feelings for you. I like you Danny."

Danny turned silent. He put his cup on the table and lean back at the couch. He scratched the back of his head like looking for any words to say.

"No pressure Danny. I know my place. I am not going to force myself to you. Just let me express my feelings for you.", I explained.

"Manuel, I love Adrian. I was hurt when he left but we made a promise to be in this relationship despite the distance between us.", he started. "You were there when I was crying, you were there when I was down. You helped me get back on my feet. You are a good person Manuel and you deserve to be treated the same way. Please Manuel, don't do this to yourself"

"Danny, I know my place and I am not putting pressure on you. I just told you what I feel because I don't know if I can keep it any longer. Just,… let me show you that I'm here.", I requested. "and please, don't feel awkward after this. I hope we can still be coffee buddies."

"You are an i***t Manuel, you know that?", he smiled and throw me a fist bump. "Of course, nothing will change. We will still be coffee buddies."

It is such a relief for me after I confessed my feelings to Danny. Maybe to him, it's just a simple request but to me, it's more than that. I know I will be hurt but this is the risk I am taking. I am happy being with Danny and I will take anything he can give me no matter how small it will be.

I came 15 minutes early in the garden. He arrived 10 minutes after me on his motorcycle. I hate late but for Danny, it's an exemption.

"Am I late? I'm sorry.", he said apologetically.

"No, I just came in early.", I lied.

When he parked his motorcycle I invited him to follow me to a place I saw earlier. It was a bench under a big tree near an old church. Not so many people are in the place so I find it peaceful and quiet. Also, the wind blew refreshingly here. It is so calming.

"Since when did you know this spot?", Danny asked me.

"Just now. Isn't it great?", I said.

He roamed his eyes around the place and I saw the contentment on them. He felt the same peace that I felt when I saw it earlier.

"This place is nice. Why didn't we go to this place before?", he asked.

"They just renovated this area I think. It was not yet opened two weeks ago.", I explained.

"Let's go here more often.", he said that made my heart skipped a bit.

I'm glad that he liked it here. This was the only thing I want for Danny, for him to feel peace, calm and loved. He may not say it but he was exhausting himself too much at work lately because he wanted to live up to the expectation of his partner, Adrian. He may not have noticed it yet but that is what he is doing. We enjoyed the company of each other on that spot.

We talked a lot on the phone but this is different. His presence is priceless. His smile, those eyes that gleam under the light of the sun are mesmerizing. I could never go tired of looking at them.

"Do you remember...", He interrupted me. "What is it?..."

"Is that my phone?", he asked.

My phone was in my pocket so I'm use it wasn't mine. Before I could suggest that it may be on his motorcycle, I already saw him rushing down to get it. He hurriedly opened the utility box and grab his phone but I think he missed the call.

I saw sadness lined his face. It was no obvious who the caller was. There is only one person who can make Danny this excited.

He walked back at me feeling down.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he will call again.", I said comfortingly.

I tried to start a conversation with him just to remove his mind from the incident but obviously, it's no use. He became quiet and distant at that point. Nothing I say interested him. It had been like that for about 10 minutes until his phone beeped again. He smiled.

He raised a had to me asking if he could answer the text. I waved back in approval. Danny walked about 5 meters away from me and replied to the text.

From where I was sitting, I saw how excited and happy Danny was while texting with Adrian. How I really hoped I am Adrian. Hoping that I was the one who is making him feel this excited. I will never leave him. I will always be on his side, all the time.

But why does it feel that he is so far away from me now.

"Hey, Manuel. Sorry but can we go now?", he asked. "Adrian asked if we could video call. This is his only free time so he wanted to talk to me. Is it ok?"

"Is that so?", I replied heavily.

"I'm really sorry Manuel. I can drop you by your apartment if you want?", he offered.

"No its ok. You go. I'm going to stay here for a while.", I resist.

"Are you sure? I'm really sorry.", he said before finally taking off. He didn't even wait for my response.

I watched him leave on his motorcycle. He didn't even look back. He just fled away. I was left alone in this place I prepared for him minutes before he came and he just left.

My heart is filled with dismay with how treated me but what can I do? Who am I to get upset. I am fully aware of the situation even before it started. I cannot blame him or anyone. I can only blame myself for this.

I stayed for one more hour. I was hoping that the heavy feeling I have in my heart will go away. But it didn't. Like what I did, it stayed also and joined me.

I know this feeling will not go away anytime soon so I called my friends and asked them if they want to go out to a bar tonight. They were all down and agreed. I told them to meet up after an hour. I'm just going to take a cold shower, change my clothes and leave.

Five of my friends showed up at our meeting place looking excited and we drove off to the nearest bar they know. After 15 more minutes more, we arrived at a bar along Sta. Rosa main road. A small yet cozy bar where we can get drunk and dance.

No one can stop me washed off this pathetic feeling while I'm on my see through tank top and tattered jeans. Let's go!!