I'll Love You, Tomorrow

Chapter 13 – Hurt in Silence

MJ...

"You've improved man! You have a car already. No motorcycle anymore?", Danny said while sitting on my passenger seat. That was the first time I had him on my car. I didn't have plans of buying one, I was good with my motorcycle but the car was part of the contract so, why not take advantage of the deal right.

"So, what's the matter? It seemed very important and in a rush when you saw me at the coffee shop." I asked him. Looking at him through the rear mirror, his forehead frowned and looked thinking. Like he was searching for words to say for what's on his mind. After a short while, he then smiled and started talking.

"It's about Adrian." He started. "I'm sorry, you know I have nobody to turn to when it comes to him right?"

"Oh, what happened? Something wrong?", I replied, worried.

"Actually no. Nothing's wrong. In fact it's quite the opposite." He immediately stopped me. "He messaged me last night. I was surprised that he did. I haven't heard anything from him for several days so I thought there were problems but it turned out, he was just very busy. He was telling me about his job, the projects that were given to him. It was a lot but he seemed very happy and excited with it.", Danny said cheerfully.

As if I care what is going on with his boyfriend Adrian abroad. If I remembered it correctly, he was lonely, alone and close to tears in that coffee shop because Adrian left him for work abroad. It may be a valid reason for leaving but still, he left him.

"He even sent pictures of different places they'd been with his co-workers. I am so happy for him. He is really reaching for his dreams.", he continued.

"That's great! Good for him. Does he have plans for the two of you, did he say?", I asked bitterly.

He may not have noticed it yet but no one is happy here but him. I confessed my feelings for him even if he's with Adrian, I knew my place in their relationship. So I was hoping that he could have the decency to pause a little and think about how I feel. I was not asking for him to feel the same way for me. I just hope that he could see that I was hurting that he kept on telling me about their "happy moments".

I said "I liked him" before so please.

"…he hasn't said anything yet but isn't that the reason why he left to work abroad? To reach for his dreams? For our future?", he answered, unsure.

His smile fades at my question, maybe he knows what I meant already. Obviously, he is not in Adrian's plans. Adrian is planning for himself alone, reaching for his dreams alone, and Danny is not in there. Not even once. All of these are happening while Danny is very hopeful that one day, Adrian might come back for him and they will live their happily ever after.

"I'm sorry Danny. It's a wrong question to ask." I apologized seeing Danny's sad face. I might have offended him.

"No dude, it's ok. I believe in him. I believe that he will keep his promises to me." he replied, defensively.

As I looked at him on the rear mirror, Danny suddenly changed his facial expressions. He was forcing a smile every time our eyes meet, pretending he's okay. But I knew him. Danny is a positive person who sees all the goodness in everything but he couldn't fake what he truly feels about Adrian. He is hurting.

I know he loves Adrian so much but obviously, he is not Adrian's priority. His boyfriend is so caught up on reaching his dreams and becoming successful while putting Danny on the side. I know Danny will be hurt in the end. I want to stop him but does he want me to?

I like Danny and he knows it. I know I have the fighting chance of taking him away from Adrian but I don't want to be that person. I value our friendship and I understand that he just let me show my feelings for him but he is not obliged to return the feelings, aside from being friends.

"You are wasting your feelings at someone who will not love you back the same.", I whispered to myself while driving. Danny was staring blankly outside.

For quite a while, the inside of the car became very quiet. Danny was very quiet.

"Hey Danny, if you really believe that he is doing all of these for the both of you then we should support him and be happy." I said as I tried to motivate him but my heart was saying differently. "For sure, he has plans for you and your future together. Let us not expect much from him this early. He was just there for not so long. Let's give him a chance ok."

Danny suddenly smiled. How I hope I could make him smile like that for me.

"Yeah, he has plans for us. He is just busy at work lately.", he replied and forced a smile. He may hide it to everyone but not to me. I knew him so well and he couldn't hide his true feelings from me.

After 15 minutes of ride, we reached his apartment.

"Thanks for the ride MJ. And I'm sorry if I got in the way of your date with your new friend. Mikhael right?", he said as he get off the car. "Make sure you text ok. I'm looking forward to it."

"It was nothing. I'm sorry not texting and calling. I'm busy preparing for the new job. You know about it right? I'll tell you more the next time we see each other.", I said to him. Danny stepped back a little when I drove already. He waved at me in goodbye, I nodded at him in response.

As I was driving, I was thinking about how our conversation goes. Everything came back to me, all my feelings for Danny. I thought I was over him already. I thought I could just have a moment chatting with him without thinking how ridiculous it was to have these feelings for him, but it didn't. It even got worse when I learned how that Adrian was treating him. I was very jealous of him because Danny loves him so much. But now, I know he is just going hurt Danny.

I want to tell Danny the reality of their situation but I know he will not believe me. He is so in love with Adrian that he doesn't see how insignificant he is right now to him. He is my friend and I love him. But a friends can only get this far in other person's relationship. Any further will account to over stepping and intrusion. I don't want that with Danny, even it hurts.

It hurts me and eventually, it will hurt him.