Aconite
1246 Words
© 2021 by Ireland Rea. All rights reserved.
Finally making it home we walked up the steps, being welcomed by the familiar red bricks I've seen since I was a young teen framing our front door. I jimmied the key in the lock walking in kicking off my shoes at the front.
My mom walked around the corner from the kitchen.
"How was practice Maliq?"
She greeted him immediately. I brushed off the dismissive vibes I was receiving and walked towards the kitchen as he started to repeat what he told me.
The delicious scents I caught onto became stronger as I looked on the stove to see only a pot of steaming broccoli there, but opening the oven welcomed me with the heat from a steaming meatloaf. I went to the fridge grabbing an orange to hold me until dinner was done.
My mom walked in barely glancing at me as she walked to the stove. Dragging a chair closer to the garbage, I started to peel my orange getting lost in thought on the next art project I wanted to work on.
"So how was work?"
I glanced over at her to see her leaning against the stove staring out the kitchen window at the passing cars. A few beats went past as she finally shrugged.
"Work."
She glanced over at me then looked back.
"How was yours?"
I rolled my eyes mimicking her energy. After allowing a few breaths to go by I shrugged and replied in the same way.
"Work."
"Adanni, please." She sighed finally looking at me.
"Do you have to be like this now?"
My eye twitched slightly.
"Be like what?"
"I mean do you have to be your sarcastic self right now, can we ever have a regular conversation?"
Her comment made me chuckle. Is she serious?
When has she ever initiated a regular conversation? Other than her scolding me, or telling me what I need to do next she barely speaks to me. She'd have an entire conversation in detail with Maliq about a sport she barely ever goes to see, to avoid having a regular conversation with me.
"Mom, I don't know what you want me to say. What regular conversation have we ever had for me to at least have a blueprint to look at?"
I chuckled shaking my head, she continuously did this and demanded certain energy she never gave it's crazy.
"Come on Adanni, you're impossible to talk to. Do you not realize you're the reason our relationship is falling apart, You quit school and gave up on all your dreams." s
She sighed, massaging her temples.
"What kind of role model is that for Maliq? Huh?"
"Being a nurse was never my dream mom it was yours, I don't want to spend every hour of the day working a job I don't even want to be at. If I'm gonna work hard at a job it's going to be one I want to do."
I breathe in deeply trying to calm the attitude I wanted to show. It's always this. I make sure I have a job until I go back to school and she still bitches.
She walked to the table slamming her hands down in front of me.
"You seriously think I want to be a nurse?"
She sneered.
"I do it because it brings money and it's a steady job that's going to take me somewhere. Maliq somewhere".
"That's what you do as an adult you sacrifice your dreams until you have the means to make them."
She laughed, shaking her head backing away.
"You don't even know what you want to do, let alone what dream you want to follow." She sighed turning back to the stove taking the pot off the eye.
It's now or never Adanni.
"Actually" I started standing up. "My dream is to be an artist."
Her frame paused in the middle of her reaching for an oven mitt.
"Not this again" she shook her head, but I interrupted her before she could continue.
"No, seriously I talked to the college's art department and I showed the professor some of my art and she said I could be very successful in the field. There's even a gallery opening for the school and she said I have the potential to have my art be presented."
"I could even get paid for it!"
I took a breath waiting for her reaction. I don't know why, but I felt whatever she said next could make or break me. When her eyes met mine my heart plummeted. The look she gave me was all the answers I needed.
"Are you f*****g kidding me? You dropped out of school on a whim that you think you're gonna be an artist?"
"What artist do you know has a steady paycheck coming in hm? What makes you different from everyone else? What makes you think that you can be in my house and the only goal you have for your life is working in some bookstore for the rest of your life as you attempt to become an artist?"
My heart pained as I stared back at her, I knew this would be her reaction but it still hurt. Before I started to cry in front of her I wanted to get this conversation over with.
"Mom" I croaked out, taking a breath. "You may not see the potential, but I do I can do this"
She shook her head looking at me with the same familiar disappointed stare she loved to save for me,
"No." she sighed replying.
I glanced up at her in confusion. "No?"
"Yes, I said no, I'm not going to sit here and watch you throw your life away. I can't I watched your father do it, not you."
I watched as she pulled the meal out of the oven.
"I know what's best for you, you may not think so because you're grown now and feel like you know everything, but I do."
She sighed shaking her head grabbing plates out of the cabinets
"If I don't see a re-enrolment start to happen then I'm- I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
She's speaking as if I'm putting her through something as if she's not the one being difficult.
"Seriously? You'd seriously kick me out?"
"I've been doing everything you asked of me."
All my emotions were in a whirlwind. I didn't know how to feel angry, sad. How can she do this to me? I've been on her side my entire life. I knew my dad was a lasting factor but not enough to turn on me.
"Where are you expecting me to go?"
My heart pained physically. I thought I was ready for this but I now realized I wasn't. How could she give up on me like this? Does she hate my father that much?
"I suggest you be an adult and figure that part out since I've seen now you've already made your decision."
"Tell Maliq dinner is ready."
She finished as she walked out of the kitchen. I sat as I heard her bedroom door close. My head landed in my hands as I allowed my sobs to release. I can't do this. I thought I could handle it, but maybe I was foolish. An artist? What was I thinking? A dream like this is nothing but what it is. A dream.
© 2021 by Ireland Rea. All rights reserved.
- Writer
