forbidden whispers

chapter 9

Qasim returned home late that night, while Masa found herself unable to sleep. She kept tossing and turning in her bed, annoyed by the thoughts invading her mind…

Qasim drove home long past the hour he should have been back. He had finished preparing everything for tomorrow’s funeral… Tomorrow morning, he would bid farewell to his parents’ bodies and bury them where they had asked. The thought of parting from them pained him deeply, but such was life… and the will of God that encompasses all things.

He remembered his mother’s final words… as if God had returned her soul for mere moments so she could deliver the message that left him stunned. His exile abroad had not been her idea alone…

His memory returned to the day he graduated high school with distinction, when his mother confronted him with her fears:

“What does Masa mean to you?!”

Qasim felt embarrassed; he hadn’t realized he was this obvious.

“She means everything to me… I feel like she is my life, and if she disappeared, I’d die.”

His mother’s eyes shimmered with disappointment. She clasped Qasim’s hands firmly:

“These feelings are wrong… You cannot feel that way about her. Masa is nothing but your sister—your sister, Qasim. You must not think of her otherwise.”

Anger flared inside him, for what she was saying felt completely detached from reality.

“Mother, I’m not a child anymore… My sister died in that cursed accident. Her name was Mais. You cannot change this truth, Mother. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but I love her… so much.”

His last words came out in despair… His mother’s rejecting eyes and the anger burning within them told him his words were useless.

With sadness cloaking her voice, she said:

“Everyone objected when I wanted to adopt Masa… Everyone refused and advised me to change my mind, but I didn’t. I couldn’t watch her suffer like that—I couldn’t turn my back on her. Every little thing she did reminded me of Mais… I couldn’t abandon her. The only one who supported me, who stood against everyone for my sake, was your father.”

Tears gathered in her eyes as she continued:

“They all told me I’d regret my decision… Your aunt, your uncles, your father’s sister—they all attacked me. They’ve been waiting for me to fall. Will you prove them right? Will you prove that I made a mistake from the very beginning?!”

Qasim shook his head in refusal… It was the first time he’d heard all this. So this was the reason their relatives were cold toward them… Even his aunt, who visited rarely and always upon invitation… None of them wanted Masa.

Then why were they still here? For whose sake?!

“Let’s leave… Mother, let’s leave this place. I’ll continue my studies abroad… There, no one will know us. I’ll be able to marry Masa without anyone interfering.”

His mother slapped him harshly, extinguishing the fire of his reckless excitement:

“You don’t understand… Everyone here—including the neighbors, friends, your classmates—they all know you as siblings. Are you ready to tell everyone about Masa? About the real reason she lives with us? That her father sold her? Will you make her relive all that pain again? Will you expose her to all that suffering—for your selfishness? Everything I spent years protecting her from! I hid her from the world! I shielded her from pain! And you want to destroy everything in one moment?! Is that what you call love?!”

He shook his head in denial, unable to accept her certainty. She didn’t feel what he felt… He wasn’t a child anymore for her to dictate what he ate, drank, loved, or hated. Damn it.

“You only see her because you’ve seen no one else—that’s why you convinced yourself you love her… She’s still a child, for God’s sake! How can you think like this?… My God… your aunt was right… How did I not notice?!”

His eyes widened… His aunt? She was the one who’d incited his mother?!

His mother raised her voice, ending the argument entirely:

“I’ve registered you for university in Turkey. The tickets have already been booked—you leave this week.”

Qasim shouted stubbornly:

“I won’t go. I’m not traveling, Mother… Let’s leave together… We won’t lose Masa for anyone. There, no one will know us! Why are you searching for complications? For obstacles, for God’s sake?!”

She sighed with helpless sorrow. No use. She had to use the other option:

“If you don’t go… I’ll be forced to return Masa to her real father.”

His eyes widened in horror… unable to believe the madness coming out of her mouth.

“To her drunk father?! You’d send her back to that dumpster? You said yourself you couldn’t bear seeing the suffering she lived through! How can you be this cruel?”

She wiped her tears, gathering the strength she needed:

“I don’t want to do that… but you’re forcing me.”

She took a deep breath and continued:

“You choose, Qasim… Either you leave, or she does. The decision is yours.”

Her words hit him like arrows, leaving him bleeding with no regard for his pain…

Qasim exhaled, shaking off the memories that haunted him throughout his years of exile. His mother had been harsh, but he had been ignorant of the obstacles she faced…

He got out of the car and lifted his gaze toward the window where his torment resided…

The breeze lightly swayed the curtains… There was light coming from her room…

Had she cried a lot?

Had she eaten dinner?

He had been so cruel to her…

Her tearful eyes still haunted him—always stabbing at his conscience… at his heart.

Damn it… he had had no choice.

He took a deep breath and walked toward the house, exhausted, whispering inwardly:

Be patient, Masa… Tomorrow will surely be better.

---

Masa finally found time to reply to her beloved mother’s message. She desperately wanted to write back—to reassure her that she was fine, that she was very happy for them, that they should enjoy their time and not worry about her. She would tell them she and Qasim were on good terms, that she would write often and wait eagerly for their return. She would excel in her studies and make them proud—just as Qasim had, and even more.

Masa’s room glowed red—someone was at the door, asking permission to enter. She glanced at the clock—two past midnight.

What did he want at such an hour?!

Masa decided she’d had enough of harsh words from him… That i***t had changed for the worse. She preferred the old Qasim to this arrogant fool.

She ignored the red light flashing insistently. Eventually he’d think she was asleep and leave…

But the opposite happened—

The doorknob turned.

That’s when she remembered, burying herself under the blankets, that she hadn’t locked the door.

“Stupid, Masa… You’re the stupidest girl on earth.”

She cursed herself again and again. She should have locked the door—he couldn’t just enter whenever he pleased. She wasn’t the little girl she had been five years ago. Damn it.

She felt him sit beside her on the edge of the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut, silently begging he’d leave.

But of course not—he removed the blanket from her face.

She held her breath so he’d think she was asleep, trying to remain still, waiting for him to leave…

Then she felt his fingers free her lower lip from between her teeth. She had bitten it so hard she’d nearly drawn blood without realizing.

She scolded herself internally. Slowly, she opened her tightly-shut eyes—only to meet his smile, which he tried to hide but failed. It radiated clearly in his laughing eyes.

She thought, What normal person bites their lip while sleeping? i***t. And she expects to excel at her studies when she’s this stupid?!

“Breathe.”

It was a command.

Only then did she realize she was still holding her breath… foolishly. She exhaled slowly, pulling away from his touch, avoiding his mocking gaze.

She pulled the blanket up to her chin in embarrassment. His eyes dropped to her cherry-red lips as he murmured in a rough voice:

“You made your lips bleed.”

He tried to touch her lips again, but she turned her head away, avoiding him.

“I’m fine! What is it? Why did you wake me?!”

The blanket slipped off her shoulders as she moved her hands to express herself…

While he drowned in the beauty of her details—

Beautiful as hellfire in its burning glow.

He pulled himself from his trance, watching her hands move. After five years abroad learning sign language to communicate with her, he understood her every gesture easily—though he would never tell her. He would never use sign language with her; he refused to make her feel deficient. He wanted her strong, confident.

“I didn’t know you were asleep—the lights in your room were on.”

He knew well she wasn’t asleep…

The dried tears on her cheeks, the redness around her eyes told him the entire story.

He sighed, stepping back toward the door—

He didn’t trust himself, not with her so close. He longed to bury his face in her soft hair…

She had always been—and still was—the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She hadn’t left his thoughts for a single moment. She was a curse in his blood he would never rid himself of.

“I made a light dinner. I’ll be waiting for you downstairs.”

Before she could protest, he disappeared and closed the door behind him.

She didn’t know he was leaning against it from the other side, trying to steady his breath and calm his treacherous heart.

He whispered with overwhelming longing:

“I love you… God, how much I love you…”

---

Masa stayed frozen in place.

What had just happened?

And those eyes…

She felt his gaze pierce her soul…

She felt exposed before him, certain he had read her thoughts.

That look of his would haunt her for nights to come.

Damn it. She would dress and catch up to him before he came back.

He never asked questions—he only gave orders, and she simply obeyed.

That jerk…

How could he come back after all these years just to disturb her peace?

He had no right to meddle in her life.

She looked at her deformed teddy bear after she dressed and tied her hair in a bun. She looked ridiculous—wearing a long dress with long sleeves and a high collar. It had been a gift from her hateful aunt. Masa had kept it only for her mother’s sake, pretending she liked it, though it was far too wide and long. Her mother knew she didn’t like it and had promised to take her to a tailor to fix it, but Masa refused—she hadn’t planned on wearing it anyway.

Now look at destiny…

She felt none of her clothes were appropriate to wear in front of her strange older brother. She’d have to buy more modest clothes. She didn’t know how long he planned to stay, though surely not more than a week—he had a fiancée waiting for him.

At that thought she straightened her back and told the panda bear confidently:

“I’ll definitely beat you this time. Qasim’s gift in his absence has become Qasim himself… How else was I supposed to release my anger all these years?”

She descended the stairs slowly, afraid she’d trip in the ridiculous dress, gathering its ends in one hand while the other held the banister.

Qasim glanced at her annoyed—and when he saw her ridiculous appearance, a mocking smile crawled onto his lips. He tried to hide it, but it was so obvious he was suppressing laughter.

Masa pretended not to care, muttering under her breath,

Damn it. He never misses a chance.

She looked at the “meal” he had prepared—nothing but pasta. She scrunched her nose in disapproval. Hardly a meal worthy of being awakened for. He should’ve left her asleep.

She puffed in annoyance, turning to complain—only to find him staring at her from head to toe.

Heat rushed to her cheeks.

She knew how awful she looked, but she didn’t care. Impressing him was the last thing on her mind. He was, after all, her older brother—and nothing more.

She gestured irritably:

“I don’t like pasta. You could’ve eaten it alone without waking me at this hour.”

Qasim leaned back, arms crossed, his gaze reprimanding her poor judgment.

“When I came back, I hoped I’d find you waiting so we could have dinner together. You’re supposed to be the lady of this house now—and you should take care of me as my mother asked you to.”

Masa raised her eyebrows—how did he know what was in the letter? It had been sealed.

Unless… her mother had asked him to type it?

The letter was printed on a computer… and her mother didn’t know how to use one.

She gestured:

“I’m not a child to take care of you! And clearly you can take care of yourself just fine.”

Pointing to the two plates of pasta.

“You don’t like pasta?… Should I take you to a restaurant for dinner?”

It was a tempting offer…

But it went against her plans entirely.

All she wanted was to make him lose his temper quickly and go back to his blonde fiancée so she could be rid of him.

She wouldn’t give him any chance to get closer or to start a new page.

She preferred the old one—filled with the scribbles of his annoying behavior.

She shook her head and sat down, gesturing:

“No need. I’m not hungry anyway. And I’m not obligated to wait for you or feed you.”

A smile curved his lips—

He remembered how she used to mock him in the past whenever he couldn’t understand her signs.

So he’d let her believe he still struggled.

He watched her devour the pasta ravenously.

For someone who claimed she didn’t like pasta, she was either very hungry… or lying…

Or—most likely—she found refuge in the pasta to avoid him.

A sharp sting pierced his heart.

It hurt to think the last possibility might be true.

The very idea caused anger to flare within him…

She could not ignore him. He would not allow her to exclude him from her life.

Because she had no life without him.

To be continued…