Justified Malice

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4As promised, Miles showed up promptly at six o’clock on Wednesday night for dinner at Jim’s house. He approached the front door full of mixed emotions. While he welcomed the opportunity to offer counsel to Danny, it came with a huge responsibility. Coming out is always a milestone event, but for a sixteen-year-old boy, it was monumental.

Jim opened the door and stepped aside, allowing Miles to enter. “Hi, Miles. This is my wife, Laura, and my son, Danny.”

“Nice to meet you both. Thank you for having me over.”

Laura greeted Miles with a hug, which took him by surprise since they hadn’t met before. He assumed it was likely a show of appreciation for what he was there to discuss with Danny.

After seeing the three Rathburns standing next to one another, Miles was struck by the height difference between Jim and Laura. She was much shorter than Jim, perhaps five foot three or so. Danny’s height fit him right in the middle.

Jim took Miles’s coat and motioned for him to have a seat in the living room. A bottle of wine and a platter of cheese, meats, and crackers filled the glass-topped coffee table in front of the couch. After he selected his seat, Jim poured Miles a glass of wine, and then he and Laura excused themselves. Obviously, they felt it best to let Miles and Danny talk before sitting down to dinner.

“Danny, let me first say how pleased I am that you’ve decided to talk with me about your coming out. That’s a huge step. Really brave!”

“I guess the real first step was telling my parents,” Danny pointed out.

“Seems to me it was actually the second step. The first step was you accepting yourself for who you really are. I’m sure your mind is swirling with what to do next. Maybe, to start, I can answer some questions for you?” Miles offered.

Danny asked the first basic question. “Okay. When did you tell your friends?”

“I was about your age. Maybe a little younger. I started by telling my friend Ryan Duffy. In fact, I confided in him before I revealed it to my family. Ryan and I have been friends since the third grade. He actually laughed when I told him. Turns out he knew possibly even before I was sure. Anyway, once I knew Ryan was cool with it, I realized that anyone who was truly my friend would accept it as well. Those who wouldn’t, well they could just go f**k themselves.” Miles emphasized the last phrase in particular.

Miles’s rather frank proclamation momentarily stunned Danny. He paused for a moment before he replied. “I have a group of guy friends who I’ve been all through school with, but none of them would be what I’d call a best friend. Also, I have a number of buddies on the football team, but we’re not close outside of practice and games.”

“Do you have any female friends?” Miles inquired.

“Sure,” Danny replied, somewhat quizzically.

“Any that you’d feel comfortable confiding in?”

“I guess so. Why do you ask?”

“Because with your guy friends, their Y chromosomes may cause them to look down on you or feel threatened. Women are much less likely to assign any of those negative feelings toward you,” explained Miles.

“And they don’t have to share a locker room with me either,” Danny astutely pointed out.

Miles chuckled. “Precisely. Listen, Danny. Being gay is simply part of who you are. Just like the color of your skin, how tall you are, what talents you have, on and on. It’s just another component and one you will carry with you always.”

“But I want to continue playing football,” Danny lamented.

“You should. Football players are at their best when they go all out on the field. Leave it all out there, as they say. Self-awareness gives you the freedom to really leave it all out there, both on and off the field.”

“So, where do I begin?” Danny asked.

“Ultimately, you need to decide that for yourself. You needn’t feel rushed to share your story.” Miles thought for a moment, then continued. “When you’re ready, there are a couple of possibilities to consider. Maybe you begin by confiding in one of your female friends with whom you feel most comfortable. A bolder option would be to open up to one of your football team’s leaders. Show him the strength of your commitment to the team even in the face of possible backlash over your being gay. Whichever direction you choose to go, find an ally.”

“Sounds good, but if it doesn’t go well, the prospect of being alone, or bullied, scares me to death.” A quiver in Danny’s voice accompanied his declaration.

Miles placed his hand on Danny’s shoulder to comfort him.

“You conquer the bullies by standing up for yourself no matter what the result might be. You may also find, as I did, that your real friends will stand with you against the bullies. As for being alone, that’s a choice—not a consequence—of your decision. I did a little research online before coming over here, and found it is estimated that as high as 20 percent of the US population is l***q. Add to that all the right-minded people who couldn’t care less about your s****l orientation, and you’ll have way more than half of the population on your side. Plenty of friends to choose from. I can see your mom is putting dinner on the table, so let me close for now with this. Coming out is your liberation from the anxiety of hiding who you really are. Look at it as an opportunity, not a drawback. I promise, once you do that, you’ll unlock your potential for finding happiness.”

Miles handed Danny his business card. “This discussion is just the beginning. Please call me with all the other questions you will come up with. I’ll do my best to be your sounding board.” Miles stood, and they joined Danny’s parents at the dinner table. A smile highlighted the look of resolve on Danny’s face.