The Alpha's Sacrifice

Trauma

Killian’s POV

I started to breathe faster and my heart rate increased as thoughts started to race through my mind. Where was my wolf? Would I really be rejected by my wolf too? Was that even possible?

“Sinead!” I nearly yelled her name in a panicked voice, regardless of the fact that she was right beside me.

“What is it, Killian? What’s wrong?” A worried expression crossed her face at my panic.

“I can’t feel my wolf, something must be wrong.”

“Just breathe, Killian, and reach out, maybe he is in there somewhere deep in your subconscious.”

I tried to relax and searched my mind, quieting my thoughts. It was possible Sinead was right. Maybe he was there and I just hadn’t given him the opportunity to come forward. I waited and still there was nothing.

“Still no sense of him, Sinead. Why wouldn’t he come to me?” I questioned.

“It’s possible that your being beaten up has caused some trauma and delayed your wolf.” Sinead tried to reason.

“Have you ever heard of anything like that happening before?” I asked, hopeful that she had.

“Not really, but I’m sure he will come to you. There is no reason for him not to.”

“Really?” I just gave Sinead a look.

I was again reminded of the curse. My wolf must be ashamed of me too. I had hoped he would still come to me. Why would he not? Shouldn’t he be made for me? Like part of my soul. It didn’t make any sense. I sat with Sinead for a while in silence trying to figure out what reason there might be that my wolf was delayed. Maybe it was the trauma, maybe it just wasn’t the right time. I couldn’t think of any reasonable explanation, other than my wolf just didn’t want me either. I sighed in defeat, completely deflated, at least before I had hope that I wasn’t so completely broken and damaged. I had hope that if at least my wolf accepted me, then I could accept myself. I was a loner, the very definition of a lone wolf. Only, I apparently didn’t have one. So now what was I? Just an invalid? As Conner called me. Abandoned at birth and left to die. Only I didn’t die because Sinead saved me; and what for? I had nothing to offer a wolf pack. Without a wolf, I couldn’t even run with the pack, speak to them or hunt with them.

“It’s hopeless, Sinead. My wolf has rejected me.”

I dropped my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes,

Nuala’s POV

I looked out through the cracks in the door where Sean had left me. When Conner had come back after the beating he gave Killian, they locked me in the small closet of a room that I had. I hoped Killian would be alright, as I thought back to what had occurred.

Flashback

Sean dragged me away from Killian while I continued to try and escape his grip, digging my nails into his arm, but I couldn’t get free.

“Let me go!” I ordered in the most threatening voice I could muster.

“Conner said to take you back to the castle and that is what I am doing,” Sean said to me, as if I wasn’t trying to remove a layer of skin from his arm.

“Do you always have to do everything he says?” I asked.

“He is the future Alpha, so yeah” Sean answered.

There was no point in screaming, no one would come. They never interfered with Conner’s business. I was just left to deal with the repercussions for me and those around me.

I tried to look back and see what Conner was doing to Killian, but I couldn’t get a good look. It didn’t sound good; I couldn’t tell how badly Killan was hurt. I tried with all my might to get free one more time and I must have surprised Sean because I managed to get my arm loose. I ran back to try and help Killan and I made it into the clearing once more before Sean caught up with me. I screamed loudly when I saw what Conner was doing to Killan. Blood covered the side of Killian’s head from a cut and he was lying face down on the blue picnic blanket. I noticed him turn to look at me before Sean dragged me away again.

End Flashback

Now I was stuck in this tiny closet of a room, Conner made sure of it. I wasn’t going to be able to find out if Killian was able to get help or even if Conner had left him alive. I couldn’t sleep from worry, but I was expected to continue planning the pairing ceremony. Of course, that would be done under strict supervision from Conner’s friends. I would be allowed no freedom. Why could I not be stronger? Why did people that I cared about always get hurt around me?

I was a fool to think that maybe I could have a friendship with Killian. Why would fate bring me to someone so kind only to not be allowed to be around them? The Moon Goddess always seemed to be so great to everyone else. Or maybe it was just the Alphas and high-ranking wolves that she was good to. Even though I was technically the Alpha’s daughter, he was ashamed of me, so I was demoted as far as possible without bringing dishonor to my father’s name. Somehow, he was able to hide the truth of his wickedness and weaknesses behind closed doors. It was more likely that everyone thought I was the wicked one for all the bad things I had brought upon our pack.

I could hear someone coming even before I could see them. My hearing was already quite sensitive even without having my wolf yet. As well as my sense of smell. I couldn’t be certain, but the scents told me it was probably Conner.

I looked through the cracks in the doors again to see if I could confirm my assumption. I saw a tall figure stalking towards my door. It was not yet light outside, but I was able to make out the features of the person. It was indeed Conner.

“Conner!” I yelled through the door. “What have you done? Is he still alive?”

“You have no right to ask me any questions, Nuala. You have not been a good servant, and you are not focusing on your obligations.”

“If I were allowed help, like any actual Luna, I might be able to get all those duties completed better,” I surprised myself by talking back, though if it weren't for the door between us, I probably would have been slapped for it.

“YOU are not a Luna, Nuala, and you never will be. Don’t talk back to me again,” Conner warned.

“Or what, you will beat me too?” again I surprised myself.

“Not you, but I might beat up Killian again if you continue to misbehave.”

I was about to say something back, but shut my mouth. I couldn’t let him hurt Kilian again. At least I knew he was still alive, that is if Conner wasn’t lying to me.

“That’s better. Now you need to get started on the decorations in the ballroom. Each exit will be guarded so don’t even think about trying to escape.”

I heard the scraping of the key as Conner pushed it into the keyhole. With a click, the door was unlocked and it was opened. I stared down at the floor and waited.

“Your job is to find me a Luna, so get to it. This pairing ceremony had better be the best ever,” Conner ordered.

I started walking to the ballroom, Conner close behind me. This was so unfair. I was supposed to find my mate too, not that my father and brother wanted me to.