Madness

Mr. Smilez

It's been a bitter sweet life. The world I see on a regular basis isnt always what the rest of the world has seen, unless they choose to. It's not exactly the life I thought I'd have, or stay in, but here I am....

My eyes drift over the other figures surrounding me in the train cart their bodies thumping with every tinge of a bump on the rail way. I sneak a hint of a peek at each shadowed face, but their true expressions escape me. I wondered if they felt as I do...

Bitter silence consumed the cart, the only sounds where the clickety clack of the rails and the the soft scraping of blades being skillfully sharpened. I turn my head towards the familiar sound...seeing Mr. Smilez eyeing his blade with pride clear in his eyes.

" Theres nothin' like a sharp knife...."

He utters to himself seeming unaware that he mumbled the words out loud.

I smile to myself. Mr. Smilez was perhaps a strange man. Abit intimidating to some, but he took his job very seriously.

He took pride in his work, being the dare devil of our group. The sword swallower, the extreme juggler...He fancied danger like it was his lady.

I see his eyes dart over in my direction and I quickly shoot my gaze downward. I hear a soft smirk pass his full lips with a chuckle of a sigh.

" I wont bite.."

He reassures me, his gravelly voice taking a soft hint.

Mr. Smilez was still new here, only being apart of our circus a few weeks now. I recall him telling the ring master he was originally from some part of New Zealand. He had a heavy accent. I adored it. I adored the gentleness in his tone, the passion he shows in his work, the spark behind those two dark mysterious pools that where his eyes. He is a proud man, with a sturdy build. He has broad shoulders, a strong jawline, with a hint of scruff on his chin, and a smooth shaven head, he coated in white paint when it was time to ready for a act.

Still though, he never said his true name to anyone...yet.

I c**k my head to the right, curious to what name he possibly carried. What name suited him best?

I was uncertain.

He was a man of few words, so it always surprised me when he chose to speak, and especially to me.

The soft clatter of blades being subsided shakes me back to reality. I see him only a couple feet away from where I sit. How could I allow myself to get so lost in thought I foolishly didnt notice his approach? He gestured a heavy hand towards me, if to ask permission to sit... I nod once. Taken a-tad aback by this. It seemed out of character for him to want to make conversation.

He lowers himself down with a heavy thud with the assistance of a bump in the rail. A agitated grumble passes him, before he turns to face me. those midnight orbs catching my own as we eye each other with a unspoken curiosity. Each second seeming like hours, until he was the one to break the silence....

" How long you been apart of...Hell Rails?"

He spit out the circuses name as if it was some sort of stale joke, clearing his throat before continuing.

" I mean no disrespect, though riding this trail does suit the name. "

I shake my head. I couldn't help the snickering laugh that escaped my lips. He wasnt wrong in this, perhaps it was a silly name, but a suiting name...

Indeed it was. I turned away, ripping my eyes away from his unending gaze

" I've been apart of this mishap a handful of years."

I sigh out, sad but true...

Not exactly what I wanted out of life, but what could I do?

" It wasn't the plan...."

Suddenly I feel a warm, yet firm grip on my shoulder that forces me to stare wide eyed into the depths of his. There was a darkness that lingered their a mere moment in those mysterious depths. He flashed me a cheeky grin clearing his throat heavily, loosening his grip gradually, and that darkness seemed to subside as he spoke...

" Planning in life is like this rail way..." as the last couple words escaped his dark lips another bump jostled us, and he yanked me over tightly against his chest...snaking his arms round me, clasping me against his solid chest in a surprising protective brace.

My breath catches sharply as I force myself to lock eyes with Mr. Smilez, feeling my lower lip quiver from the heavy beat giving way his calm exterior. Feeling the wild beat of my own heart matching his crazy rhythm.

" There's always a unexpected bump in the road...by the way..Call me Sicko Smilez. "

He whispers out, the usual harsh grit in his voice smoothed away by the serenity in his tone.

" Why did you choose the stage name Sicko Smilez? "

I ask in a voice just barely above a whisper.

His eyes widen slightly, his lips part seeming pleasantly surprised somone has asked that one simple question.

" Well... "

He begins, but trails off in his thoughts a brief moment. staring forward. His brows furrow... and a shrug lightly moves me about his lap.

I keep my eyes focused on him, awaiting for the honour of his eyes to meet mine again.

He shakes his head, a wide grin slowly spreading across his lips, causing little dimples to poke out. I felt my heart leap forth eagerly pounding against my ribcage at the very sight.

" Well..."

he repeats.

" Just a lovely choice of names for this particular type of circus..."

His eyes fall onto mine once again.

" What about you?.. what's your stage name ?"

Without a moments hesitation I speak out

" Sugar Rush"

His head quickly jerks to one side a new spark of curiosity within him.

" A honour to officially meet you..I know we seen each other around, but we never gotten to..."

" Officially talk." I cut in, he nods once in dismay.

" That's right."

The circus was always such a busy place...

always on the move, all about the hustle and bustle. This is the first time in a long time the train ride wasnt a totally chaotic event.

" I would like to know though..."

Sickos voice chimes in, a half c****d grin on his face.

" Why that stage name? "

He chuckles out, his arms tightening around me. I ponder to myself...why am I not shying away from this man. I've never let anyone touch me.. ever since...that day...

My thoughts trail off to there own accord. I drift back in the recesses of my mind. The past I wish I could bury. The manic racing of my heart beginning to lerch in agony with every given beat, for a seconds notice I wished it to cease. Then I realize, because no one has ever made me feel safe before...

But why him? Why this particular man? I barley know him, yet he is cradling me with a intensity he cant hide. Those glorious pools give him away along with the fluttering rhythm of his beating chambers. The need, the desire to protect, protect me...but why? Slow, lazy shuffling begin to stir about the cart.

" We are going to stop soon..."

I reach up with a stern yet tender touch, pulling his chin down, leaning up ever so slightly. The crimson on his cheeks beginning to brighten... like my own. He allows me to guide his face downward with ease... I feel the heat caress my cheeks of his quicken breath....

" You'll see."