Fated From the Start

Where The Wild Things Are

Harlow POV

After about four weeks the nightmares finally started to subside. Instead of ripping me limb from limb the wolves now played peacefully in the meadow or snuggled in my lap like overgrown dogs. I think I was finally reaching acceptance. 

I missed Ash terribly. Prior to him, I cut ties with guys pretty easily and rarely missed them after the fact, but with Ash it was like this painful ache I could feel in my entire body. My heart physically hurt at the idea of never seeing him again. I was pretty sure I'd gained ten pounds in the last month from trying, unsuccessfully, to dull the pain with ice cream and cookies. I even tried to dye my hair red for some enjoyment and it fell flat, I just had typical "going through some s**t" hair now. Poor Willow had been trying relentlessly to cheer me up to no avail and just kept a steady stream of ice cream and romcoms flowing for me instead. 

*I love you Harlow* I swear I could forgo my alarm for this boy's texts because they came through every morning as soon as my eyes opened. 

*I miss you* I texted back, responding for the first time. 

*I'm here* he replied immediately. 

He was right, he was waiting for me and I was an i***t for making him. I jumped out of bed and threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a sweater, pulled on a pair of boots and was bounding down the stairs as fast as I could.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry on a Sunday morning?" Willow inquired from the couch.

"I'm going to fix this," I called to her, headed for the door. 

"STOP!" She yelled causing me to freeze dead in my tracks. "You need to brush your hair and your teeth before you go see that man for the first time in a month." She reminded me sternly. "Go do that and I'll fix you coffee."

I did as I was told and after I was given permission to leave, I was bounding down the stairs to my car two at a time. How had I been so stupid for so long? Poor Ash, I hope he can forgive me.

I had been pretty out of it the last time I'd been at Ash's house, but luckily at some point in the last month Cedar had started continuously sharing his location with me as a show of good faith so I'd know he wasn't following me. I could remember enough from the last trip to Ash's to know Cedar was definitely home and I could use his map dot to find my way. 

Here was hoping that Ash was home as well. 

After about half an hour I found myself winding up the last of the long dirt road that led to Ash's town, Shadow Woods. The town was more like a private gated community and my best educated guess told me that everyone living in it was also a wolf. Ash had said something about being the head of his pack, were all of these wolves his pack? 

His monstrous mansion of a house sat in the middle of the community. I hadn't noticed just how huge it was last time I was here, but now I could see that it was five stories and sprawled in every direction. I think the front porch held more real estate than my entire apartment. I charged up the front steps with absolutely no idea what I was doing, but still determined and on a mission. I had told the front gate workers who I was here to see and I had to wonder if they had passed along the intrusion. I swallowed the lump in my throat and knocked on the door three times. It was then dawning on me that Ash clearly didn't live in this monstrosity alone and any number of people could answer the door.

Thank the lucky stars, Ash opened the door. He looked distraught and like he hadn't been sleeping, but he smiled a genuine smile when our eyes met. 

"Hey," he chimed as he stepped on the porch and closed the door behind him. "What are you doing here?" His voice was quizzical and not harsh, but it still made me wonder if I'd made a mistake showing up unannounced. 

"Can we kiss? I just really need to be kissed by you right now." My mouth was forming words without consulting my brain. 

For a moment Ash looked awestruck at the request and then all at once he closed the distance between us and scooped my tiny frame up in his massive arms, crashing his mouth into mine and engulfing me in the most passionate kiss I'd ever experienced. My body erupted in the intense firework feeling as our bodies connected again for the first time in a month. The pain that had been gnawing away at me immediately soothed by Ash's mere presence. We had so much we needed to talk about, but in this moment this never-ending kiss was what we needed more than anything.

When Ash finally came up for air there were tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. I reached up to brush them away and he nuzzled into my hand like he couldn't get enough of my touch. 

"I thought I'd lost you forever, saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do." He murmured softly into my hand. 

"I'm here," I reassured him using his own words. "I'm so sorry I left you doubting that." I added somberly. 

"Hey," he hooked my chin to draw my gaze up to his, "I gave you earth shattering information, it was selfish of me to not expect you to need to process that. I am sorry." His voice was soft and sincere. His tough exterior completely shattered. 

He began to release me and take a step back. "Don't let go yet, I'm not ready." I pleaded, still craving the warmth that came from his body against mine.

"While I would love to oblige that request, if we keep up this very public display of affection on the front steps of the pack house you will be well-known pack news by lunch and I don't think we want that yet. Let's either go for a walk or move this to my floor of the house."

"I'd love to see more of your home, I didn't really get to enjoy it the last time…" I trailed off. 

"Ok, follow me to the garage entrance so we can take the elevator up and avoid the crowd in the commons." He began to pull me down the side of the house quickly. I felt like a teenager trying to sneak around behind our parent's backs. 

Once inside the elevator, Ash pushed me against the wall and engulfed me in another steamy kiss that took my breath away. 

"I missed the feeling of your lips against mine," he rasped breathlessly in my ear. It took everything I had not to push things to the next level right then and there. Luckily the elevator chimed and the doors opened as we reached our destination on the fifth floor.

Ash immediately launched into host mode and began showing me around.  Apparently the entire fifth floor was private for Ash and his future family. It held 2 offices, 8 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, a large family room area, and a small kitchenette. In its current state it was fairly empty and echoed as we moved about. As we reached the master at the end of the hall Ash paused nervously. 

"I, uh, don't want you to think I'm insinuating anything by taking you to my bedroom," he stammered, doing that thing I'd come to expect when he was nervous where he stared down at the ground and twisted his shoe.

"Ash, I know you were raised to be a perfect gentleman," I cupped his face and brought his gaze to mine, "but frankly, if I feel like you're crossing a line I'll tell you. Do worry about the implications of your actions until I tell you they're worrisome" I winked at him, causing us to laugh together for the first time in a month. God I had missed the sound of his laughter. It ricocheted down the marble hallway and reverberated around us making me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

"Actually, while my parents did raise me to be a gentleman, my hesitation pretty much always stems from the fact you're a human and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If you were a wolf you'd be marked, mated, and possibly pregnant already." He shared matter-of-factly with a chuckle.

"I'd what now?" I c****d my head to the side in bewilderment. 

He finally opened the door to the master and walked in, the biggest bedroom I'd ever seen with the biggest bed I'd ever seen sprawled out before us. To the right there was a small seating area in front of a glorious roaring fireplace. He held my hand as he led us to the couch, and then scooped me into his lap as he plopped down. 

"Wolves are paired with their perfect mate at birth by the Moon Goddess herself. They're destined to find that mate and have a life with them. At 18 you begin to officially feel the pull of that mate bond if you get anywhere near your fated mate. It's undeniable and you know the second it's happening. It changes your entire life, as you're now incomplete without that other person. Wolves don't question the Goddess' choice for them, so when they find their fated mate the ball moves quickly." He explained. 

"Are we fated? Is that what this feeling is? It's surreal the way I feel about you" I mused. 

"You are my destined mate, yes." He beamed down at me, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. I was now completely curled up against his chest with my head against his heart. "My first instinct that night at the club when we met was to jump over the table, scoop you up, and mark you right then and there. It was why I acted so weird at first. I had to remind myself that you were human and that you likely wouldn't take too kindly to that."

"I would've thought you were a stalker," I laughed. "You keep saying marked, what does that mean?" I inquired, fascinated with everything he had to tell me. 

"Wolves mark their mates to finalize the bond. Basically, they bite each other and leave a scar and it connects them on a much deeper level. It's also a signal to others that that wolf is no longer available." He reported. Honestly, I wasn't sure why I was so afraid, this wolf stuff was fascinating.

"Will I be able to be marked even though I'm human?" I inquired nervously, suddenly oddly okay with letting a werewolf brand me with his teeth at some point in the future. 

"I'll be able to mark you, if and when, you decide that it's 100 percent what you want. Marking bonds us for life, it can't be undone, so I want you to be positive you're ready for that before we do it." He assured me sheepishly. 

"Will I be able to mark you?" I asked, my seemingly lowly human existence dawning on me. 

"You won't." He sighed apologetically. 

"Does that mean you won't love me as much? Will other girls throw themselves at you since you'll remain unmarked? Will other women be able to take you from me?" I was suddenly in a spiral of inadequacy. 

"Hey, hey, hey, shhhhh." Ash silenced me, squeezing me tighter. "You unfortunately won't be able to mark me as humans lack that ability, but I would never love you less. You're my one Harlow, there's only you. And if you decide to accept all of this, there'd be a ceremony to officially bind you as Luna of the pack. No one would dare disrespect their Luna by pursuing her Alpha, mark or no mark. Plus, I'd still marry you and wear a wedding ring." He reassured gently. He was telling me everything as if I was overblown glass that might shatter any second, and for once I was grateful for the overly gentle treatment. This was a LOT. 

"We'll circle back to the fact you just said you're going to marry me after you explain to me what a Luna is." I jokingly jabbed at him. 

"A Luna is the Alpha's mate in the eyes of the pack. She rules beside him, she is his equal and the pack must fall before her as they must fall before their Alpha. And of course I'll marry you, I'd marry you tomorrow if it was what you wanted. You are my one Harlow, no pause, no hesitation, until the day I die." 

"How can I help rule a pack of wolves as a human? Why on earth would the Moon Goddess pair someone as important as the Alpha with a human? And how can you be so certain of your feelings, especially after I ghosted you for a month?" I was still bubbling with inadequacy, how could I possibly take on everything Ash was talking about. Maybe it was just guilt from treating him like a monster for a month. 

"Harlow, you are perfect, just the way you are. The Moon Goddess knew you would be the best mate for me and the best Luna for this pack. I know that you are the best mate for me and the best Luna for this pack. The only part of any of this I have any doubt about is if you can accept this life and if I can continue living without you if you don't." His voice started strong and certain, but fell as he spoke. I realized that I really had done a number on him and he was terrified I'd run again if something didn't sit well with me. 

"Ash, hey, look at me. This is a lot. Like a LOT. But I just need you to give me time and bear with me as I adjust, and probably talk down my anxiety more than a few times as it tells me I can't do this or I'm not good enough. A single month without you was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced on so many levels. Turns out I'm really not a fan of life without you in it anymore. I literally can't imagine my life without you in it, I never could. Even in the height of my fear of what you are, I still imagined my life with you in it. It's just better that way. I'm sorry that I don't come with the certainty a wolf mate would, and that it scares you." Here I was promising my life to a guy I met four months ago that just so happened to be a werewolf leader, and I meant every word. That fated thing really makes sense cause if that's not it, I've officially lost my marbles. 

"I will give you whatever you need love. Whenever you need it. Time, space, reassurances, explanations, you name it." He whispered in my ear, peppering my head with soft kisses.

"Not space, not ever space again. I think we'd both die." I joked.

He crushed me against his chest as hard as he could without breaking me, "Deal, we'll stay this close forever." He burst into laughter as I let out a groan, then released his death grip. 

"There's just one more gnawing question that I'm afraid to ask, but have to." I sighed.

"Hit me babe, I'll tell you anything you feel you need to know." He reassured me.

"I know you said the folklore is inaccurate, but what about the killing people part? Have you ever killed anyone?" My voice was practically a whisper, I was terrified of this answer and how it may change my feelings. I didn't want to live through the pain of not having Ash, but I didn't think I could build a life with a murderer either. 

Ash drew a long steadying breath and my heart sank, this answer wasn't going to be what I had hoped. 

"The folklore is wrong. We're not blood  hungry monsters, but we are aggressive and territorial. I've never harmed a human. Some of the guys have gotten in the occasional fight with a human, as you've seen with Cedar, but we restrain from using lethal force. Affairs with wolves on the other hand are handled a little differently. Wolf law makes a lot of things punishable by death, and as the Alpha it's typically my job to execute. Again, I don't go around murdering unsolicitedly, but under the right circumstances a wolf may meet their maker at my hand." I let out a breath of relief. I was oddly okay with his answer. I was willing to accept that he had an entirely different culture than me and that that meant there would be some parts of it that didn't quite sit well with me. If his culture called for execution for diplomatic reasons then I had to work on accepting it. 

"What are some of the reasons?" I was more curious than scared at this point.

"Trespassing on another packs territory, undue violence, disrespecting the ranked members of a pack, treason, and war for the most part," his voice was shaky, he was obviously afraid of what my reaction to this revelation was going to be. 

"I can accept that, but can you promise me something?" I inquired. 

"What is it my love?" He asked back, still visibly worried 

"Please don't ever kill someone because of me, without consulting me first. I want to be the one who decides if their actions warrant death. I couldn't live with myself if you were snapping the neck of every guy that looked at me sideways." I pleaded with him. 

"No one will look at you, you are my mate." His voice was deep and aggressive and his eyes were the pitch black I thought I'd hallucinated a million times. 

"Why do your eyes do that? I always thought I was imagining it when it happened to you guys and this time I know I saw it!" I was emphatic over getting some validation that I wasn't crazy. 

"It happens when our wolves are trying to surface. Usually when we're angry or possessive, sometimes when we're lustful" he winked at me with the last line, his eyes now back to their glorious deep blue. 

"I see... Now do you promise?" I eyed him curiously. If he could make a promise like this then I could be sure he wasn't killing on a whim and actually always thought it through justly. If his kills were just under his laws then I could convince myself he really wasn't a monster. 

"I promise Harlow. I told you I'll do whatever you need me to do to make you comfortable in my world." He was sincere and reassuring. "You may need to make the guys make similar promises though." He added with a chuckle. I knew what he meant though. Cedar had pummeled three humans unconscious over a minor altercation, I couldn't imagine what he'd do if a wolf made the same mistake. 

"Ok. One last question, I think. Why don't you want your pack to know about me?" I ask sheepishly, again afraid that I wasn't enough and Ash was embarrassed of me.

"Because the pack is like a giant family. A sometimes very overbearing family. If they find out about the existence of their Luna they're going to get very pushy about the status of our relationship and your place within this pack. They will want you to move on territory. They will want you to take your Luna oath. They will want to meet you, have lunch with you, introduce their babies to you, throw parties with you and for you. They will want you to bear my mark. They will want you to produce an heir. They will basically completely consume your life and expect your life to be fully consumed with us. It's going to be very overwhelming and I want you to make all of the decisions you make in our relationship because they're what you want, not what the pack wants for you."

"Wow, okay. I can see where you're coming from there and it's very sweet of you." This man always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better, he really was my perfect compliment. "Do you want me to move on territory?" I continued to grill him and I felt bad, but it was like every new dose of information came with more questions.

"Harlow if you never left this house again I would probably be the happiest man on the planet. Being here without you is painful, even when I do see you everyday. That big ass bed over there used to be my favorite thing in the world and now I toss and turn in it because my body searches for your body. I've lived on this floor by myself since my 18th birthday, when I took over the pack. In just the last four months has it started to feel echoey and empty. But I also meant what I said about you being confident in your decisions in this relationship without the influence of the pack, if you move here before you've made those decisions then that option is gone for you. I can't move a human in with me and not explain why." His heart seemed heavy over the idea of continuing to wait to truly start our lives together. I felt bad that he had to, but my stupid human brain struggled to comprehend moving even as quickly as we were. 

"What about Will? Even if I do decide to move here and become Luna sooner rather than later, I can't leave her…" I felt selfish, here this man was basically offering me the world and I couldn't loosen my codependency with my best friend enough to consider accepting his offer. 

"Do you know how many bedrooms this house has?" He boomed with laughter. "There are seven empty bedrooms on this floor alone and four more floors! I wouldn't ever expect you to leave Willow behind knowing what I know about you two. Plus, I kinda love her like a little sister and the guys do too, we'd want her here with family. Did you think I invited her to do stuff with us all the time just for you? She's important to you, that means she needs to be important to us too."

"You'd let Will move in, too?" I was awestruck.

"I'd clear her an entire wing if it's what made you happy, love." 

"How did I ever let myself believe you were a monster, even for a second?" I mumbled as I snuggled into his chest, my brain reeling with the amazingness of this man. He pulled a blanket over me and wrapped me in his arms, nuzzling his nose in my hair. The atmosphere was thick with the most perfect contentment.