FORSAKEN

Who?

“Sorry. How exactly, do you say you now my dad?” The man looked around the same age as what mum was, there was a chance they knew each other at one point or that maybe he had heard of her or dad.

“I don’t think we are speaking about the same man; Harrison doesn’t have any kids.” Well that was obviously impossible, according to mums journal and to my knowledge, we left when I was around five, I couldn’t even remember what his face looked like, so I guess my knowledge wasn’t that great.

“That can’t be right, do you know where he is or not?” My voice broke, so much for keeping my composure.

“Go home little girl and, go read up on what happens to little girls who turn up out of nowhere causing trouble. Your parents should have warned you about stranger's.”

 Mum most defiantly, may have mentioned it a few, million times. 

The man's  t-shirt looks like he bought it from a farmer who hadn’t bothered washing it in a few years; a reflection from behind him catches my eye, a knife tucked into the back of his faded and worn-out jeans. When I finally get the courage to look up, I can tell he knows I saw it, a smile playing on the side of his mouth.

“Your father wasn’t a very good man little girl. I wouldn’t be going around bringing his name up to the wrong person; I doubt that you want to bring attention to yourself like that.” I’m starting to realize how serious the situation had got, I’m even more aware of the fact that I’d thought leaving Astin at the hotel was a good idea, good job Avigale.

“I’m sorry for bothering you.” My search for Harrison had so far led me on a wild goose chase that I wasn’t enjoying, I was eager for questions, but that man had me questioning everything. My legs give way, my back arching me forward, I could see the road as I launched into it face first. The next thing I know I’m face-planting into the ground, the blankets tangled around my legs. When we reached the hotel we both agreed to sleep and reevaluate the next part of our plan, I don’t think either of us thought that they would make it this far, now that we had, I wasn’t sure about much. I’d shocked myself, the girl who’d never been on school camp, because she was afraid it was too far away from her mother; was breaking a whole bunch of rules that honestly, felt kinda great! 

Astin’s bedroom door was still closed, an eerie silence throughout the penthouse, the window casting shadow’s across the floor, the sun was setting already, we’d managed to sleep an entire day away, the nightmare had me eager for answers, to know and, to understand. What had really happened all those years ago? I’ve heard a lot of people say that the truth set’s you free; I really hoped their right, because this was it, it placed all my cards on the table now, so much for having a good perceptive walking in to this, my reality was, that I am, just a little girl in a world I really didn’t understand, a naive little girl out there looking for her family; searching for who she is supposed to be.

I try to hide the guilt, tell myself that I'm justified in my decisions, but that never stopped the little voice in my head from telling me otherwise, telling me over and over; how wrong this was, how wrong I was.

That little voice had become more than a nuisance over the years, it used to control my every action, my every thought, my whole life.

Mum had our doctor visit me for two months, before finally after school one day he was sitting in the lounge with the cure, a blue bottle of pills,  that quieted the voice to nothing more than a whisper, something that I could deal with; the medication.

The blue pill is my savior; it disappears within seconds the cold water from the tap making my body shiver, I really don’t know what I’m doing, till I look up and realize that I’m waiting for the elevator boy to send me down to the ground floor where people had flooded in, the hotel was like a movie theatre after the movie finished. Outside on the streets it was much the same as the hotel, cafes and restaurants had only standing room available and there was little of even that, the town was buzzing with life, everyone seemed to be here, I pushed my way through the crowd, half sprinting to get away from  it all, my heart pounding against my chest, I kept running until the noise and people behind became a noise in the distance, my body was at boiling point when I looked down to realize I was still in shorts I’d thrown on before I’d gone to bed, my hair tucked  up in a bun with an oversized t-shirt I’d been obsessed with for years, mum finally bought it after I convinced  her that I’d fit it one day, that was four years ago and I could fit another human  inside there was that much room.

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