four
1716 Words
"Hey, Lizzy!" I open my eyes and see Soul at the end of my bed with a tray filled with food. My mouth waters at the sight and smell of the pancakes. I quickly sit up carefully and dig into my meal.
I've been in bed for about four hours now, writing poems. My father wrote my mama a poem when she died. That's what got me started. Poems let you express your true feelings, but in a way that is so...unique. I wrote my poems ALOT when the abuse got worse through my teenage years. I used to cut myself, I used to totally hate myself. But as I got older I realized how everything I believed about myself was a lie. Caroline wanted me like that. So I decided I wasn't going to give Caroline what she wants. I was going to try my best to stay strong.
I knock sounded at the door. A girl with ombré hair and dark brown eyes popped her head in. She gave me a bright smile, "Hi Lizzy! My names Zapora! I'm Xander's little sister!" She says cheerfully. She runs and jumps on the bed. "Hi, it's nice to meet you," I say with a small smile.
"You are totally beautiful! Literally gorgeous! All of Xander's ex-girlfriends are going to be so jealous!" Ex-girlfriends? So he never kept his promise to not fall in love then? My heart ached slightly with this new information.
I was still committed to my promise. I gave my word. And I always keep my word. Xander obviously broke his promise the first chance he got. If he did that, will he stay faithful to me? His mate?
"Don't worry! All them sluts weren't really considered "girlfriends" she says with the hand gestures that were supposed to be apostrophes, "they were just little meaningless things to him." Will he treat me like that? Will he only treat me intimately when he wants his needs tended to? I start to get insecure. I hate this feeling! It makes me feel so weak! No Izzy! I have to be strong. Oh well, who cares if he treats me like that. I can always have a life without him, right?
"Oh well, enough talking about him! You've been in bed all day! You must be so exhausted from resting. Do u want to try to go for a little walk?"
Actually, that sounds perfect. I need to get my mind off my whole life. "I'd love to. But my ribs are still healing, so we have to walk a little slow, sorry" I said nervously. I don't want to be annoying.
Instead of sighing like this was too much trouble, she surprises me by smiling, "No problem at all!" So then we were off.
Zapora has been walking me around the pack for about an hour now. I met almost everyone. All of them were extremely kind to me, which also surprised me.
"Shall we go and see my brother in his office?"
"Oh no! I don't want to disturb him."
She rolls her eyes and waves her hand carelessly, "Pffff Nah. It's on the way back anyways. He'll love seeing you out and about again."
I felt unsure about it. But then again, I'm his mate. Maybe she's right? I nodded my head softly and say, "Ummm okay if you say so."
We come to a small cabin like building. Zapora knocks on the door cheerfully.
"What?" A shout came from the other side of the door.
We walk in. I see my mate sitting at his desk with a beautiful blonde woman on his lap, holding her hips. Her hands were running through his soft hair while her other hand was rubbing his broad chest. A sharp pang hits my heart. I look at Xander's face.
What hurts me, even more, is that I couldn't find an ounce of regret or guilt in them. There's nothing. My mate prefers to be with another woman than me. All those words that Caroline used to tell me rushed back to my head. As if this very moment was only confirming what she said was true. Maybe what she said wasn't a lie? If my own mate doesn't have the desire to even get to know me...I must not be worth it to him.
Tears fill my eyes, but I blink them back. I can't show him and especially this w***e, that I'm weak. I take a deep breath and pretend that I'm not affected by it.
"What'd do you want?" The nameless woman asks.
Zapora looks shocked and angry, "What the hell are you doing here with my brother Lana?" She asked with a deep growl. I can see she's struggling to control her wolf. I grab her hand and squeezed it, hoping it might calm her. Her protectiveness towards me eased my aching heart a little. At least someone in this room is defending me.
"Your brother called me here. Said that he needed some...relief."
I was trying to be strong, but when I heard those words, the pain just hurt more. My own mate doesn't want me. Maybe Caroline was right. I was destined to be alone. I felt my bottom lip starts to quiver, so I bite down. Holding back any kind of noise I wanted to make.
"Why are you here?" Xander asks as if I was a nuisance to him.
Zapora raised her brow and crossed her arms over her chest,"We were in the area and thought it would be nice for Elizabeth, your MATE, to visit."
He rolls his eyes, acting annoyed with the whole situation, "Well, as you can see, I'm busy. Leave me." He growls.
I look at the woman, Lana. She smirks at me, just like how Caroline and Vince does. She looks at me like I'm beneath her like she is superior.
"Well, I guess I'll see you at home then Xander," I say. It took all my strength to say those words. My throat was closing up from holding back my cry.
As Zapora and I turn to leave. The crack in my shield of strength let a single tear escape and trail down my cheek. I look back at Xander, showing him how much pain I was in. I thought I saw a flicker of sadness, but he masks his emotions back into the cold, heartless man that he is. He isn't the boy I met all those years ago, he didn't comfort me, he didn't make me smile, he isn't my Xander. This person is someone completely different.
XANDER'S POV
I see a tear fall down my mate's beautiful face. That one tear showed I really did hurt her.
I shove the w***e off my lap.
"Get.Out." I growl menacingly.
She frowns. "Why? I thought you wanted some fun?"
I don't even look at her as I am studying my papers, "You weren't that good Lana. You assumed I wanted you here for 'fun'. I just need you to drop these files off to my Beta." I outstretch my hand full of papers to her.
"Asshole" she mutters under her breathe while grabbing the files. I am instantly on my feet. I grab her wrist tightly and pull her towards me, "What the f**k did you say to me w***e? You talk to me like that again, I will end you and not quickly either." Fear shines in her eyes. Lana nods her head shakily in agreement. She rushes out of my office.
I collapse into my chair with a sigh and rub my eyes. I didn't want to hurt her. It's for the best though. She doesn't need someone like me to taint her. All I'll do is dirty her and corrupt her with how broken I am. Even my own father had to lock me up so than I wouldn't suddenly kill the whole damn pack. I was f****d up in my head.
I shouldn't be so selfish and lay my burdens on her shoulders. She needs to stay away from me for her to be happy. She won't be happy with me in her life. This is for the best. It is my duty to protect her, even from me.
ELIZABETH POV
It's been a week since the office incident. I've hardly seen Xander at all and if I do he ignores or glares at me as if I've done something to him. Which is probably true. He obviously doesn't remember me because if he did, maybe he'll try to actually be nice. But I don't want him to want me just because I was that girl from his past. I want him to want me...for me. Not because I was Izzy or his mate. Just me. Just Elizabeth. However, I know what I am asking is the impossible.
I was in the kitchen baking when Zapora and two other girls came in. They looked around about my age or a bit older.
"Hey, Lizzy! These two girls are my friends Emily and Avery." She introduces.
I stick my hand out, "It's wonderful to meet you two." They both shake my hand with a smile, "it's an honour to meet you, Luna." They both say formally.
I shake my hands around, "Please no. Just call me Lizzy, no need for the formality." They both smile brightly at me, "Do you guys want to sit down and have some cookies? They're baking, but they're almost done," I offer.
"Oh my goodness, I love cookies!" Emily said.
"And you're still wondering why you're not losing weight," Avery mumbles. Emily elbows her in the ribs. "Hey! John doesn't think I'm overweight!"
"John is your mate, Avery. It's part of the job to say that to your mate."
"So you're saying mates lie to make their women feel good about themselves?"
"Exactly!"
"I guess that's why Jason always says your hair always looks good," Emily whispers to herself.
"That's because of the-" Avery thinks about what Emily says for a minute. Then she finally gets it.
"You're saying Jason lies to me about how good my hair is?!" She yells.
Emily puts her hands up in surrender,"You're words, not mine."
Zapora just rolls her eyes as she looks through the fridge for milk.
- Writer
