Chapter 8
2019 Words
Well, last night, I was hit with a ton of bricks. Over dinner, the first Nathan and I had had together since he’d returned from England, and by the way, that was eight days ago, Nathan raised his glass, proposing a toast. “To the man who brings color to my life.”
That was sweet. Of course, I was instantly suspicious.
He set his glass down, peering into my eyes. “Do you like the wine?”
The wine was spectacular. As always.
He drew in a long breath. “So,” he said, staring down at his hands. “I’ve been thinking.”
My neck tensed up. Nathan was at his best when he was doing, not thinking. Every time he thought too much, we ended up doing something drastic. Like moving into a place we couldn’t afford if he ever lost his job, for example.
“Listen, Der. You know I’m not a sentimentalist.”
Well. That was understatement.
“But, I think me and you, we have something solid.”
I poked at my tofu, feeling my heartbeat picking up the pace.
“Hey, look at me,” he insisted softly. “No?”
I nodded. Yes. Solid. Absolutely. Like cement. I chewed on my lip. Then decided to try a bite and see if I could swallow it.
“Derek, after two years, you’re still an enigma to me.” He sighed. “You know, I used to think that would bother me one day, but I realize, it only makes me crazier about you. Makes me want you even more.”
The tofu was definitely too spicy for my taste. Nathan swore by this fresh pepper puree. He dumped it into everything.
“Der? Hello? You listening to any of this?”
I glanced up. His ebony eyes flickered with anger for a moment. At least, I thought they did. Maybe it was the candle light. “Yes,” I promptly returned. “Go on.”
“What are you thinking of right now?”
Whenever people would ask me that question, my mind would go blank. Imagine a vacant parking lot. Like that. Lots of expensive spaces filled with nothing.
“Derek?”
I stuffed some rice into mouth, hoping to buy some time. He was going to ask me something, I could feel it. And it would be big.
“Derek O’Reilly, this is your lover Nathan Ross putting in a request for a full sentence, please. I want nouns, verbs, and if you can manage an adjective or two, I’d be eternally grateful.”
I smiled. He could be so charming.
Nate poured himself another glass of wine. “Do you know what that smile does to me?” He took a sip, and I waited, watching the wax drip along the candle. “It kindles me,” he said. “Ignites my very soul.”
Nathan was a closer. Life was a good deal to him.
“These last two years have been the best years of my life. I can’t imagine a future without you.”
The wax had clunked, it was going to tip the stick over.
“I know you need your space. I respect that. I can appreciate it. And that’s why I think we’re perfect for each other, Der.” He paused and then rose. “I guess what I’m trying to say is—” he pulled a box out of his pocket. “Derek, baby.”
Please. A heart attack. An aneurysm. A flash of lighting through the bay window.
My heart had begun pounding and its demented rhythm only reminded me that I was alive. That meant having to hear and answer the coming question.
“Let’s do it, Der. Let’s take this up a notch. You and me. What do you say? Will you marry me?”
I had long since come to terms with being gay. I’d worked on many issues through the years, and I was proud of myself for the progress I’d made. But marrying another man? Marrying. As in, “We now pronounce you husband and husband.”
A nervous chuckle unfortunately escaped my treacherous lips.
Nathan’s handsome features tensed. “Did you just laugh?” He shrunk back from me.
I sprung out of my chair. “No, Na—ate, I—I just—”
“You’re stuttering.”
I raised a brow, trying to paint on the cutest possible expression on my face. “No, I’m not.”
“Yeah. You are. Just now. You stuttered.”
“Okay, so?”
“You only stutter when you’re trying to hold something back. Or you’re lying.” He sucked in a short, but determine breath, then swiftly rubbed his angular chin. “All right. Let’s try this again, okay?”
Twice?
“Derek O’Reilly, marry me.”
My knees locked. I wouldn’t be able to get out of this. He popped that box open and there it was. A silver band. Nice, too.
“We’re ready for this, Der. I know it. I feel it.”
Forever. Monogamy. Forever. Monogamy. Forever. Nathan.
“Look into my eyes.” His eyes were like two puddles of shiny petroleum. “Marry me, Derek. We’ll have the biggest, most lavish wedding you could ever dream of. The whole deal. Think Hotel Saint-James. Think top hats and champagne fountain. Think fois gras and jazz.”
My heart fluttered a little. Who could resist fois gras? Except me of course, as I was a vegetarian, but what was that to Nathan?
He pulled me close, binding me to his chest. “So?”
The last two years had been the most symmetrical years of my life. Dark and light, bad and good, had shared an equal part of my existence. That was something, wasn’t it? I lifted my eyes to his and smiled. “All right.”
He spun me around, dipped me, and then kissed my mouth with a ferocious passion I hadn’t gotten from him in way too long. “Oh, baby, we have so much planning to do. We’re going to have an engagement party, of course.”
“Of course.”
Nathan’s gaze wandered, as though he was imagining a ballroom filled with power and crystal. “We’ll make it chic, but intimate. Only our closest friends and family.”
He meant his closest friends, as I had none. I was a solitary boy. My books were my only real friends.
“We could do a Bal Masqué.”
Now, how gay was that?
Suddenly, he turned to me and frowned. “What do you think your parents will say?”
I thought about it for a moment. Visualized myself sitting in their kitchen. Heard my mother sobbing. The ice cubes clinking in my father’s whiskey glass.
Nathan brought my fingers to his lips. “Whatever they say, you know you have my support and understanding.”
How was it possible for a man to constantly say the right thing? Wasn’t that God’s job?
“Derek. I want you to be happy. I want the best for you. And I know I’m the man who can make that happen for you.”
A closer should have known when the deal had been sealed. No sense in overselling it.
Nathan slid back into his seat and picked up his fork. “Okay, babe. Let’s finish dinner and go for a walk on the mountain, yes?”
And that was it. We were engaged.
* * * *
We had a meeting this afternoon. A surprise meeting. The kind that came with a tap on the shoulder and a somber face.
We were told there was going to be a merger. One branch would be dissolved. Another would merge with ours.
“This is going to be a transitional phase for us,” Goldman said (that was my director). “I’m going to need your patience and cooperation. As we go along, you will be informed of the changes and your input will be considered. However—” his voice thickened with impending doom, “—some positions may be jeopardized.”
“What the f**k does that mean?” Jake asked, sitting up in his chair. Jake was the Q.A.S.T. analyst (Quality Assurance System Testing). Big title, bigger ego. “You saying my job is on the line?”
His job. Everything was me me me with this guy.
“Jake.” Goldman rose and poured himself another cup of coffee from the portable machine. Why did it always look as though Goldman had been sleeping on a park bench the night before? “I don’t have any more information, I wish I could ease your mind, but right now, things are being looked into and we still haven’t figured out every detail.”
“Well. That’s just great. That’s f*****g great.”
Isabelle, our new translator, let out an explosive sigh. “Can we hear what the man has to say, please?”
Jake shot her a dark look and folded his arms over himself. He’s a handsome guy. Too bad he’s so full of crap.
Goldman shuffled some papers. “Okay, listen guys. I know I have the best team here. I’m going to do everything I can. But I need your help. For the next few weeks, I need everybody here to be on their toes. This is crucial, you understand?”
I glanced around. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the table. I could almost hear them subtracting their monthly expenses out of their unemployment check. But I wasn’t feeling those fears. Why would I? I had a boyfriend, fiancé, that made enough money to support a small school. I was taken care of. No worries.
“I’m going to turn you loose, I know you all have a full schedule today.” Goldman plucked the conference door open. “But if there is anything you need to discuss with me, you’re all welcome to.”
I picked up my empty paper cup.
“Derek.” Goldman was patting shoulders and shaking hands, “I’d like to talk you.”
My breath burned in my chest. Goldman had never even looked my way.
He shut the door. “Sit down please.” His smile was genuine enough.
Okay. He wasn’t going to fire me.
“More coffee?”
I shook my head. “No, thank you.”
“All right.” He gave my face a quick sweep of the eye and leaned in. His face was lined with orange wrinkles. Maybe one of his hobbies was falling asleep in a tanning booth on Friday afternoons. “I want you to know that your job is safe. I’ve made sure of it.”
I bit down on my lip, but then made myself stop. I had to try to be more assertive in my body language. Or so Nathan said.
“I know we haven’t had a chance to talk one-on-one you and I, but I’ve been following your progress, and I have to say, I’m very pleased with your performance.” He took a noisy sip of his coffee. “I’d like to ask a favor of you.”
The image of him whipping out his Viagra-friendly c**k caused my anus to constrict.
“I’d like you to keep things under control, you know, make sure everyone stays calm. Make sure no one starts feeding the rumor mill. You know how these things get blown out of proportion. You seem like a level-headed guy. Think you can do that?”
On an average day, my spoken word count was between four and six. Aside from a nod and smile, my colleagues seldom even acknowledged my existence.
Unless the paper tray in the printer was empty.
“I think you’re a leader. The quiet type, but nonetheless a leader.”
The only thing I led, was a boring life and safe life.
“Well.” Goldman got to his feet. “I’m glad we talked.”
I nodded. “Yes, sir.”
- Writer
