Contractually Ever After

Chapter 14 - How to save a life.

We arrive home, Wade practically carrying me inside. He sets me down by in the living room and goes to the kitchen. I can't be here, where the end began. I start to make my way up the stairs slowly and painfully.

"Hey Princess, where are you off?"

Wade trails after me.

"To bed."

I manage, chocking back tears. He sweeps me up bridal style and carries me into bed.

The first week of grief begins. I sleep, dream, wake up screaming, Wade jumps, soothes me, we cry and sleep again. I remain this way for 6 days, eating the bare minimum for that being all the energy I have to muster. The worst part, being the peacefulness when you first awake from slumber and your mind forgets all the hurt and for a few blissful seconds everything is exactly the way it should be. Nothing is broken or bent. Then, it's like the rug being pulled from under your feet and your slipping with the world crashing around you. That's when the pain and grief suffocates you.

After waking up one evening, not knowing what day it is anymore all I know is pain. I hear Wade crying in the bathroom.

"I'm going to lose her too mum... she hasn't moved for nearly a week... she hardly eats, she barely drinks. I can't lose her too mum, I can't and I wasn't here. She hates me I can see it in her eyes...She hardly says to words to me"

I sit up and cry hearing his anguish. I make my way over to the bathroom and open the door, I can't bare to hear him in this state

Wade immediately ends the call, drying his eyes, when he sees me.

"Princess ?"

"Thats not true."

"What isn't?"

"I don't hate you, Wade. I wish you were here, from the start, but it didn't go that way, did it?"

I ask rhetorically.

He looks down to his feet, unknowing what to say.

"I found a take away place, that does amazing lasagne according to reviews. Do you want to order some and have dinner in bed ?"

He asks, pulling me into his chest kissing the top of my head, trying to change the topic. This coming from the man who thinks take away is a waste of money, I indulge in his efforts and decide to meet him half way.

"Okay, can you order me some wedges too please ?"

I request.

"Fancy sharing a garlic bread?"

"mmm" I hum into his chest.

"your wish is my command, my princess."

he kisses my cheek and leads me back to bed.

We eat dinner and start watching Criminal Minds.

"Avs?"

"Mhm"

he asks and I answer.

"will we be okay ?"

"I'm trying, Love, I'm trying."

I reply, tembling, tears threatening to spill, when honestly, I don't know myself, but I'm getting used to the ache of constant pain however with a full tummy, and my man back home in my arms, I drift off, into an easy sleep. I wake up a few hours later to change my underwear and pad, then notice a few blood clots. For some reasons, it completely throws me. I feel like a zombie, my legs moving of their own accord and I find myself in the downstairs bathroom, holding a bottle of sleeping tablets.

I sink to the bathroom floor, crying, unscrewing the pill bottle.

The bathroom door swings open, Wade has been frantically searching for me.

"How many have you taken?"

He whispers, not wanting the answer.

"None."

I sob uncontrollably.

"Why? why would you want to do this to me? I need you!"

Wade sits infront of me tears rolling out if his eyes.

"You don't understand the guilt, it was my body that failed us, not yours Wade. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I want it all over. No more bleeding, no more pain, I don't want to feel."

He pulls me onto his lap, we cry holding each other.

"It'll be over soon baby and if this is what you want, we can try again and I'll be here every step if the way. But please don't leave me, Ava, I never knew how much I needed you."

he confesses in the safety of the bathroom.

"Your the one who keeps leaving me. I didn't think we were going to come back."

I mutter into his chest.

"I don't want to think of trying for a baby anytime soon, We need to be good together before we bring and innocent life into this."

We sit in silence, embrassing each other, making vows only the walls are to witness. And he carries me back up to bed, where Reaper is lying. I'd give anything to have my baby back, growing in pregnancy with Wade's baby.

I sleep cocooned in Wades arms all night, the first night, I've dreamt in a while. I'm bare foot, under a willow tree, the breeze gently blowing the reeds with the sun warming my bones. I wake smiling, not happy but a slight bit of peace etches around the empty hole left in my heart.

From that morning, We decide it's time to see family and invite them all over for dinner.

I have to start living again. My life had stopped but the world carried on turning and there was no way to get off.