Flat 64

Chapter 20

My heart is pounding so hard within me that I feel as if I have just fun a marathon. Jackson had ignored me our whole childhood, because he wanted to be more than friends? I feel dizzy with this new information, and his confession has me reeling in ways that are positively terrifying. "But I thought... I didn't think you paid any attention to me. Not until that night at home." I feel myself flush with the reminder of what we did that night, my cheek suddenly feeling as hot as lava in his hand. His thumb softly moves back and forth against my cheek and I watch as his eyes trail from my face, to my neck, then below the collar of my shirt. His breath hitches slightly, his line of sight burning into me.

"Can I ask you something?" Jackson says hesitantly. Nodding my head at him, he takes a deep breath before he carries on. "So you haven't been on a date or had a boyfriend. But, you have done things with people, like...you've had s*x before, right?" His voice is husky, and when I don't reply, he tucks a strand of my hair that had fallen behind my ear, waiting for me to say something. "Lottie, You have had s*x, haven't you?" He probes again. I can tell how badly he is desperate for me to answer him, but I don't want to scare him off. It would probably be really off-putting for him if I said I have absolutely no experience, that I do not know what the f**k I am doing. But I don't want to lie. I've been doing enough of that recently. Taking a deep breath, I force myself to speak. "No," I whisper out. Jesus Lottie, don't go into too much detail. My inner monologue sarcastically curses me at my pathetic response. Well, at least I said something and didn't just sit here in silence like a freak. Jackson freezes in front of me, his hand dropping from my face. Great, I really have freaked him out.

After a while, he clears his throat to speak again. "But you have done other stuff though, like before me." He speaks, so sure of himself his head nods along with him, as if he's trying to prove to himself that I am not a weird prude. My blush deepens, and I look anywhere but him. "Um, once before, after prom. But that didn't go very well." I finish with a grimace, not really pleased with the reminder. This whole conversation has been an uncomfortable experience full of nerves and embarrassment, but when I sneak a look at Jackson, his face is anything but judgmental. If anything, he seems almost curious and his gaze is piercing into me with... admiration? "What happened?" He asks gently, and I bite my lip, unsure whether to go into it or not. Seeing my hesitation, he immediately backtracks, telling me I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to. But I'm so far deep in this conversation now that saying one more thing really won't affect it that much. "NO, it's okay. It's just a bit embarrassing, I guess." I sigh, picking at the grass to distract myself. "He was...fingering me, but it didn't feel good. He was really rough and it hurt quite a bit. When I said I wanted to stop, Brad freaked out and still wanted to have s*x with me, saying I couldn't stop now since we had already started. When I started crying, I guess it ruined his mood to the point that he got up and left. Not before cussing me out, calling me a tease and that I had ruined his prom night." I said quietly, hating the memory. "It was the first time anyone had touched me that way, the only time." Looking up into Jackson's eyes, I say one last thing. "Until you."

He is staring back at me so intensely, I feel the need to look away, but I force myself to stop being such a coward. Slowly, as if he is scared I will run off, he leans towards me and wraps his arms around me, bringing my face to rest on his chest. I let myself melt into his arms, and I listen to his heart beating beneath me. It calms me beyond belief, and without realizing it, all lingering feelings of embarrassment vanish. The only thing I feel is comfortable in his arms. We stay like this for a while, listening to the surrounding nature, just breathing each other in.

Eventually, Jackson breaks the silence. "I'm sorry," he says, dejectedly. I pull away from him slightly, confused. "What for?"

He stares at our joined hands, rubbing his thumb softly against my skin. "I'm sorry someone treated you that way. You deserve so much better. And I'm sorry for how I treated you too." His voice breaks slightly at the end, but I have no idea what he is apologizing for. "Jackson, what are you talking about?" I ask him. Sighing, he doesn't look away from our hands. "If I had known, I... I would have been softer with you. I didn't mean to go too far that night or make you feel uncomfortable. I don't know what came over me. I had always been so good at staying away from you, but when I saw you laying there, n-naked, my control just vanished. I wasn't thinking straight. All I knew was how beautiful you were and I-"

"Jack stop. I wouldn't change a thing about what happened that night. It felt amazing. You felt amazing." I interrupt, a blushing mess. When he doesn't say anything, I place my free hand on his chest, and I can feel how fast his heart is beating. Slowly, he looks at me, and opens his mouth to speak, but a phone ringing steals our attention away from one another. I quickly take my phone out of my pocket and answer it before looking at who is calling me.

"Hey Lottie, you free?" Mike's voice speaks through the phone. "Oh, hey Mike. Um not really, what's up?" I ask him, quickly eager to end the call. "I was wondering if you would be able to come in earlier? I know you've done so much overtime recently, but Becca's called in sick again, you know how she is." He says with a huff. I can hear how frustrated he is, and I can barely hear him talking over the noisy ruckus in the background. "s**t, okay. I'm not home at the moment, but I can probably make it in by 4:50?" I cave in. I feel a heavy disappointment weighing on my chest at the fact that I have to cut this date short with Jack, but I'm desperate for the pay that overtime brings. It really helps me out. "Yes please, you're seriously saving my ass here, see you in a bit." He rambles out, ending the call before I can say bye.

I feel Jackson staring at me, and I suddenly feel very awkward. "Sorry Jack, Mike has had some people call in sick again, so I have to go in early. Do you mind if we take a rain check?" He smiles at me, nodding, before he starts to pack everything back into the duffle bag. "Is that your way of asking me on another date, Charlotte?" He says with a smirk, showing no signs of annoyance over me bailing on him midway through our date. "Oh...yes?" I stutter out, shocked. He laughs at me, kissing my forehead, before hauling me up with him, and we begin to walk back to the car.

***

"Lottie, you're seriously a life savor. I promise you can have some days off next week." Mike says, once I've joined him behind the bar. "You're okay with handling these people, yeah? I've got some paperwork to do." He doesn't wait for me to reply before he rushes off to his office. The bar is unusually busy for a Monday afternoon, but I know how hard Mike has been promoting the place recently, so maybe the word is spreading about how nice this place is. A glass smashing steals my attention.

This is going to be a long night.