The taste of forbidden

11. Antidote. [Part 1]

11. Antidote.

Lia.

On the weekend, more precisely on Sunday, when the ranch is practically empty, Rose somehow manages to get me to join her in the kitchen.

"We don’t do this very often, not on weekdays, but when it’s just us, we treat ourselves," she says, seasoning the cuts of meat that look very appetizing. "I never asked, but you’re not a vegetarian, are you, sweetheart?"

I shake my head, because even though I’d love to be, I love meat too much to even try.

It was a total surprise to me when Rose showed up at the cabin door mid-morning. She brought me breakfast and, on top of that, got me to agree to help her prepare lunch. It was hard to say no when her request came with a delicious, warm breakfast I couldn’t resist. I’ve never been the best cook in the world, so even though I’d never starve on my own, I’d surely never make anything as good as what Rose prepares.

I don’t know what made her change her mind about me since we haven’t really talked, but strangely, I appreciate the company.

"Did Becket restock your kitchen?" I nod to her question, and she hits me with another one. "Are you well equipped over there?"

I know what she means, so I nod again.

The kitchen, although old, came equipped with plates, glasses, pots, and other necessary utensils. Of course, everything was covered in dust and had to be thoroughly disinfected, but everything has worked fine for me. Even so, I want to go into town to do some necessary shopping, because even though Becket made it clear the townspeople wouldn’t be a problem, I don’t feel comfortable going back there.

"I’ve noticed you don’t talk much, huh?"

I stay quiet at that, which makes her laugh—not mockingly, maybe even... fondly?

I take the utensils Rose hands me while she keeps the meat, then she gestures for me to follow her. Curious, I do. The older woman leads me to the back of the house, where the wood grill is already being prepared by Miguel.

The atmosphere out here is really nice.

"Are you going to start cooking the meat this early?"

My question makes both Miguel and Rose burst out laughing.

I go over my words in my mind, trying to figure out what was so funny, but I come up with nothing.

"This brisket cut takes about three hours," Miguel explains, focusing again on the firewood.

"And the meat isn’t placed directly on the fire," Rose adds. "It’s very common for us to do this at the ranch, it’s Becket’s favorite meal. You’ll see, the meat turns out juicy and delicious. Have you never had anything grilled before, sweetheart?"

Miguel stops to look at me, waiting for my answer to Rose’s question.

I blush from the attention they both give me. Despite that, her question amuses me a bit. I get the slight feeling that they think there are huge differences between us, but honestly, I don’t think there are as many as they believe.

"My dad loves grilled meat, we used to do it all the time at home," I explain.

"Forgive me if my question made you uncomfortable, girl," Miguel says, "but I’m dying to know—did Lucas ever manage to become a vegetarian?"

A laugh escapes me; his question fills me with treasured memories.

Lucas tried many times to become vegetarian, but he would give up before the first week was over. He tried to persuade me to try it with him, but I knew him, I knew he’d give in sooner or later, so I always refused. It always ended in teasing and laughter from both of us.

I guess he tried to follow that lifestyle at the ranch too.

"He tried many times," I tell him, shaking my head with a little smile, "but no, he never could."

"He loved grilled chicken breast too much, huh?" Miguel recalls fondly.

I nod, smiling sincerely because I can see the love for Lucas in his eyes.

"Did you know him?" I ask the older man.

"Oh, sure, a very mischievous boy. He had Becket running after him all over the ranch, which usually got both of them into trouble."

His face darkens at the last words, so I suspect he also witnessed or at least suspected the abuse Becket and Lucas went through. I want to ask more questions, but Rose seems unaware of it all—I know she didn’t know Lucas—so I stay quiet. Also, part of me feels bad for getting information from someone other than Becket.

I look around, searching for him, but I haven’t seen him all day.

"Beck is in the stables with Hank and Cass," Rose answers, guessing I’m looking for him.

I blush and I don’t even know why. Is it because I’m embarrassed to be so easy to read? Or because she caught me looking for him? After what the worker said a few days ago in the dining room, I’ve become a bit more self-aware of how others perceive the interactions between Becket and me. Even though there’s not much to see, especially since he went back to ignoring me.

That day, after I held him in my arms for several long minutes, he just stepped back and walked away without saying another word. Since then, it’s been hard to see him. And it’s not like I’ve been looking for him, but he hasn’t shown up at the stables again, much less gone back to the lake. And the times I’ve had lunch at the house by Rose’s invitation, he’s never there.

"A horse woke up sick today," Miguel explains. "Since they’ve taken so long, they must be waiting for the vet to arrive."

I frown.

"Is it serious?"

"I don’t think so, it’s probably colic or intestinal pain."

"Oh," I nod, but the worry lingers in my chest.

I help Rose prepare the corn while she and Miguel start talking.

"Do you know if Loretta found a job yet?" she asks him.

"Not yet, but I doubt she’s even looking. Everyone knows she only worked here as an excuse to be close to Becket."

"That shameless woman," Rose says with disdain. "She never gives up."

"Poor Hank."

I stay focused on the corn, not wanting to butt in, but I appreciate when Rose tells me, "Loretta is Cass’s mom, Hank’s wife, and she used to help clean the house. She’s the one who hid the letter notifying Lucas’s death. Beck kicked her out after that."

I tense, a wave of anger rushing through me.

"Everyone knows she’s after Becket," Rose continues. "She doesn’t even try to hide it from her husband. The nerve of that woman, sweetheart. Although with the story those three share..."

"Rose," Miguel cuts in, "stop gossiping about other people’s lives, woman."

I lower my head and focus back on the corn while they start bickering like an old married couple.

That night, in the stable, although I heard part of Hank and Becket’s conversation where Loretta was mentioned, it was hard for me to make out what they were saying. Still, every time I’ve heard about that woman, the disgust toward her is clear in everyone, so I’m guessing she’s not a good person.

I feel sorry for Cassidy—she’s such a sweet girl.

Speaking of Cass, I smile when she comes running toward me, waving her hand excitedly in a way that touches me.

"What’s going on?" I laugh as she grabs my wrist and starts dragging me toward the stables.

"The vet is about to arrive, he’s super handsome, I want you to meet him."

A giggle escapes me.

I glance back at Rose and Miguel, but they don’t seem to mind that Cass is stealing me away.

"Are you in love, Cass?"

"He’s gorgeous, practically the town’s heartthrob. There’s a woman who adopted a cat just to have an excuse to visit him. She’s going to turn the poor cat into a hypochondriac."

"The cat?"

"No! Wells!"

"The vet?" I guess.

"Yes, can you believe he has to put up with a crazy woman like that in his clinic..." she shakes her head angrily.

I laugh again at her boldness.

"Aren’t you a little too young to be crushing on someone who, I assume, is much older than you?"

"I have eyes, Lia." She rolls her eyes in that rebellious way that makes me giggle again.

"That’s true," I agree with her.

As we approach the stables, Hank is walking a horse.

"Lia," he greets me with a smile I return.

"I already walked him and it didn’t help, Dad," Cass complains. "The colic still hasn’t gone away."

"I know, but I want to try one more time before Wells gets here."

"And Uncle Becket?" Cass asks.

"He went to get fresh hay."

She nods, linking her arm through mine as we watch Hank walk the horse until he stops and says to me, "Do you want to try?"

I hesitate, not sure what to say.

"Can I?" I ask.

"Come on, I’ll go with you." Cassidy laces her fingers through mine and leads me to the horse.

He’s beautiful, his coat white and shiny. Something I’ve noticed about the ranch is how well the animals are cared for and fed. Even the hens look healthy and happy. As far as I know, they’re not for consumption, they’re egg layers. And Cassidy is the one who sells the eggs in town, so the money is hers.

Which makes me even more curious, because even though they’re not related by blood, Becket treats her like family, sometimes even like his own daughter.

I stroke the horse’s muzzle and he leans into my touch. His eyes are sad, and he seems comforted by my presence. It reminds me of Becket, taking refuge in me like it was the first time someone had ever offered him comfort.

My chest tightens painfully.

There’s this sadness beneath his strength, this loneliness and heavy burden. I can’t deny that I want to help him. No matter what war he’s declared between us, I don’t want to walk away. But I also know how uncomfortable it is when someone tries to force their way into your life. So even though I want to push him to let his pain out, I also try to respect his space.

It’s a hard balance to maintain, but I try.

[1/2]