Love.s wardrobe

The call

I was on my way back from work to my apartment. Sat in the bus I played with the idea of having a date that weekend, wouldn’t it be nice? I went on my phone and checked on Tinder, the three boys with whom I was chatting did not answer (I texted them over a day ago!) so I went on to matching. I found a couple interesting ones and one of them came up as a match. The first thing he said was “ pretty smile babe”. I had no pictures with me smiling!!! I was infuriated and blocked him. I re checked my matches and realistically none of the guys with whom I was chatting seemed that interesting. I logged off and went into Bumble, same again, not any answers and those that I gave a like were only because “ why not?”… it was frustrating. My bus stop arrived, after 30min I had found nothing…

Once at home I went on sorting some food for dinner and getting my lunchbox cleaned, switched on the radio with some music and lighted some candles. Once I went to the sofa I realised that my day had been working and then doing home stuff, nothing more than that… I was sure with a guy in my life, a love, a romance, or even a one night stand, this would be more fun, more like what real life was supposed to be.

I had plan, I would have met the love of my life at 27-ish enjoy a couple of years of mad passion and get married before 30 with a baby on its way for my 31st birthday. I was 28th, good job, just starting to be independent… and that was all I could add.

I texted some friends to catch up, we were all supper busy but we said we will try to meet at some point soon. Since my evening was not going as planned I decided to switch on the TV and get hooked on any film that was on.

I must have felt sleep in the coach because I woke up in the middle of the night, with a banging pain on my neck and dry mouth. I looked up and it was only 11pm. What was I doing with my life? This was so exasperating! On my way to my room I switched off the lights and went on the dark to my bed, I must have done it one million times but this time I banged my toe against the corner of the hanger. An electric pain travelled all the way up to my leg, f**k! It did hurt! With the crash everything felt on me as a cruel reality check.

After catching a breath and realising I was ok just slightly bruised I switched on the light. What a mess have I created in just 5 second! Clothes were all over the place and my bag was upside-down with all its content in the floor. I started picking things up, placing the clothes back in the hanger, the pencils, clippers, and watch etc back in the bag… and then something cached my eye. A small rectangular dark-blue piece of paper with golden letters was there in the floor.

As I picked it up I read ‘Women’s secret wardrobe’. I remembered it was what auntie Lilly gave me last week. I turned it and read ‘Tailored true love for busy women like us’ followed by a phone number. I didn’t recall reading this part before, I found it bemusing how this company made publicity. It also said 24/7, so I reached for my phone and called.

When the first ringtone started I freaked out and hanged up. What was I doing? It was late, it sounded dodgy and I had no idea of what they were actually selling, nevertheless that I had no money.

Suddenly my phone started ringing and made me jump. I looked at the number and it was an unknown caller. I knew deep down this could be them but, how did they had time to get my number? And why would they call back? I clearly didn’t want to talk with them if I had hanged up. The call ended and relieved I grasped some air.

The phone rang again, and what a surprise, unknown number again. Well the hell with it! This was now rude and unnecessary! I picked up my phone “Yes? Hello?”  

“Dear costumer,” started a female voice at the other side of the phone, with a really nice voice, calm and confident “I am really happy you wanted to join us at the ‘Women’s secret wardrobe’. Please have a good read through the terms and conditions that we are sending you now by text and let me know if you agree with them”

“I am really sorry,” I started with a trembling voice, “it wasn’t my intention to bother you at all but sadly I think it must have been a mistake, I have no intention to sign up to your services, I mean, I don’t even know what are your services at all!” I realised while talking with this stranger.

“ Oh!, I am so sorry, I must misunderstood this call” I sighted realising she was backing off” In that case” oh s**t! No she wasn’t

“ Please I am sure you are an amazing company but I really don’t need your services” I added

“That is really sweet tough but you cannot know that since you don’t know what they are” Well dang, she was right. “ Please, let me introduce you to this new concept and it at the end of this short presentation you still think this is not for you I would gladly let you be. Deal?”

“Deal” I had to admit she was good at her job.

“Perfect! In that case, welcome to a new concept of happiness” This sounded fun “created by and for women to fulfil they dreams and allow them to have the best life they can… Ever. Any questions so far?” I mumbled a negative. “This new method is kept under strict confidentiality as per our terms and conditions, do you agree with them?”

I was intrigued “Ok, yes I do”

“Perfect. So let me ask you a question, do you dream to have a life beside your perfect partner? Do not answer jet. Have you tried with multiple methods, techniques, dating apps and advices with no outcome at all? No need to answer. Do you know exactly why your previous relationships didn’t work? We know you do. So then, do you have a list, with how is Mr Right for you? Yes you do! We all do! Well in that case, you are in your lucky day. It seems a previous costumer wanted to share this experience with you and we are not going to disappoint her!” I had no idea what she was talking about but I remembered Lilly asking me to trust so… hey ho! Why not? “We are a corporate that works with an intricate technology to provide you with your soul mate, but instead of telling you who he/she is, YOU are the one telling us who it is!” After this lovely speech the lady waited for my answer.

“I am really sorry but I still don’t understand what does your company sell, and again I don’t think I could afford it” I tried to explain.

“Well to make it in plain language, you tell us who is Mr Perfect for you and we find it and make him fall for you. Whatever you ask for, within our terms and conditions, he will cross in you path and you will be able to live an amazing romance and be happy for ever!” Her voice was happier and happier every second it passed.

“Ok, that is a really good joke, ha ha, you made fun of me and my situation, how lovely, now please, I would like to go to bed” I said really angry and tired.

“Oh no please, don’t misunderstand me, this is not a joke, this is a real opportunity life has given to you so you can be happy. We just provide some fairy dust and small help for it to happen”

“Fairy dust eh? So you mean I have to give you my list for the perfect man and you will find him”

“Exactly that. And you will have a trial period so you can reshape your answers for any improvement if the attempt is not right” She remarked prodly.

“Excuse me, what now?” I could not believe this nonsense.

 “ Well sometimes several attempts are required to have all the list right, at the end of the day, this list that we made up sometimes are based in hopes more than experiences and we find out that things we thought we liked we don’t really enjoy for the long run.”

It made sense… that was the only part of it that made sense. “So, just out of interest, how exactly do you make these men? And also, how much is the cost of your services?”

“ Making? Oh darling! We don’t make them, we just find them and make them be in your way and well… chemicals do the rest, but they are real, as real as you and me.” I wasn’t even sure she was real at this point. “Cost-wise, as its specificity states in our terms and conditions payment will be only required if no satisfactory relationship last for over the trial period”

That was ridiculous, ambiguous and a non-sense at all. And I was sure she knew it. “That is fine but you haven’t answer the question” I insisted.

“Dear costumer,” started her again “I am really happy you wanted to join us at the ‘Women’s secret wardrobe’. Please have a good read through the terms and conditions that we are sending you now by text and let me know if you agree with them. In order to do so please call back after you had a good look at them and contact me back for our final agreement. Any questions?”

“Yes!” I almost shouted “I don’t even know your name”

“Please call me Venus” She said “I will be expecting your call soon. Have a good evening” And she hanged the phone.

Venus? Of course! Why not? I mean, they claimed they could get my my dreamed man, have a trial period and I was allowed to keep him is all was perfect and all for free? Who wouldn’t sign for it! And just in case I had the right to re trial!

I had a quick look over the T’s and C’s, trial initial period 4weeks then another of 5 months, and if all ok it was mine. In case it didn’t work I could return it and ask for an exchange, I had a maximum of 10 trials. I was allowed to pull off at any point. Total price if it didn’t work of $10.000. Well ok the booklet was longer but these were the main points and I did skip the rest. Ok, I had nothing else to do so…

“ Dear costumer…”

I stopper her there “ Hi, is that Venus?” It sounded really stupid said like that.

“Yes Rose, it is. What can I do for you?”

“ I am in, all in” I read the booklet! Promised! And I want to sign in!” I jumped

“Perfect someone will stop over your studio after work to get you all started. Welcome to the ‘Women’s secret wardrobe’ family”