The Moon's Choice

Boundaries

I barge into his office. The woman is gone, but her scent stayed behind. Kyle wasn't in bed with me, so this is the first place I decided to look. Here he is. He's sitting in his chair with the buttons of his shirt undone. He doesn't seem surprised by my intrusion. 

He gestures with his hands. "What it is it this time? Concerned that I'm not in bed at this hour? Have you come to fetch me?"

"Our bond isn't legitimate."

This seems to take him by surprise. He settles deeper in his chair. "Oh, really? I had no idea. Why do you say so? Please, enlighten me."

"There were no eyewitnesses, so this whole thing is null and void." I say this with conviction, but his expression remains blank. Why is he looking at me like this?

He sighs. "I don't know what you want me to say to that."

"So it's true?"

"No, Ryn. It isn't true. Do you think I would be that stupid? There were seven eyewitnesses. I arranged with them before I ran after you. I knew Patrick told you the truth, so I had to act quickly."

I shake my head. I was so convinced that it was the true. That I would be free of him. "It can't be. I didn't make a promise."

"The promise is simply a courtesy, it's the eyewitnesses that truly matter during a mating ceremony." He leans back. He looks run down and exhausted. "Anything else? I'll be glad to explain everything to you twice, if you'd like. If our bond truly was null and void, you'd know it. We wouldn't be connected. The bond simply wouldn't exist."

I turn away from him. Why would I have that dream? I thought it would be true. A wave of despair crashes into me.

"You're desperate to get rid of me, aren't you?" His voice is low. "I'm sorry to tell you, but you can't. We're in this for life, you and I. You best get used to it."

"I'll never get used to it."

"Then you'll suffer even more. The more you fight, the harder it gets."

I shake my head vehemently. "This is all your fault."

"Yes, I admit. It is. I'm to blame for all of this. I loved you and I couldn't live without you, and all you do is think about my brother."

"We won't have this discussion again!"

"You're right, we won't. Leave me alone, Lauryn. You've caused enough damage for tonight."

I scoff. "What? Your w***e wasn't enough to lighten your mood?"

He glares at me. "No, Ryn. She was not enough. She will never be enough. No woman but you will ever be enough. And all you do is torture me and rip my heart to pieces."

"Don't victimize yourself, Kyle. And don't try to flatter me with words. I'm just a plaything to you, something you can rub in Kilian's face when he finally does come around."

He looks at me for a full minute without saying a word, then his eyes fill with tears. I'm shocked at this display of emotion, but his tears never fall. "You're not a plaything. Is that what you think? I admit I'm controlling, and at times I use people to get what I want, but my love for you is real. It's the only thing in my life that has ever made sense."

He stands and turns his back to me. He stares at the dark trees outside his window. "Kilian was always everyone's favorite. Even Claire loved him more, even knowing that he was wrong and that Xathan was a traitor." He chuckles. "He was the sweet one everyone played with. I was the brooding child, the mean child that lived in the shadows of his brother. I envied him, I did. I wanted what he had so effortlessly. I would throw tantrums to grab attention. He would simply smile and the room would fall to his feet. He had everyone worshipping him, even Patrick, which is why he tried to help you return to him."

He looks vulnerable and my heart goes out to him, unintentionally. I don't interrupt him.

"Our relationship is brittle because of me. I never wanted to have anything to do with him. He always tried. I never let him in. And now I'm being accused of stealing his mate." He laughs to himself. "Even my own pack mates judge me. But the Moon chose you for me, too, Ryn. I swear it to you."

I lower my head. "I don't doubt you, Kyle."

He nods. "You just prefer him over me."

I don't say anything and he nods once again. "I'll need to accept the fact that he'll always win. I don't know why the Moon would do this to me. Why should my mate be his as well? How can the Moon be this unfair?"

"It isn't Kilian's fault."

"You think it's mine?"

I don't say anything. I don't there's anything left for me to say. I didn't think he had this vulnerability in him.

This changes things a little. I'm not the only one going through a terrible time, and he's trying his best and I keep making things more difficult for all of us.

"Don't." He pulls back. "Don't pity me."

I shrug. "I just never knew what your point of view was. It isn't pity."

"I detest being pitied. Tease me, provoke me, insult me, but don't pity me. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. And a male in my position can't afford to look weak or vulnerable."

"You're right. You're the Alpha of this pack. You need to set an example. For starters, don't skip meals again. Entertainment can wait till after meals."

He looks up suddenly. "You're not angry with me?"

I shrug. "For what?"

He sighs. "I only do it to provoke you most of the time. It never works."

I don't speak.

"Fine," he says. "You've said what you had to say, now you can leave."

"Come to bed, Kyle. You can't stay up all night."

He raises his brow. "I didn't think you cared about what I did."

I press my lips together, and he sighs. "You're doing this out of pity."

I shake my head. "I'm not." I think I'm genuinely worried about him. It can't be easy, living under someone's shadow.

He scoffs. "I don't believe you."

"Well then," I throw my hands in the air. "You can stay here all night."

I return to the bedroom alone, but exactly after five minutes, he lies down beside me. He doesn't sleep all night, and I don't either. We have our backs to each other, but our minds are linked. We stay this way until the sun rises.

Kyle has been silent and withdrawn. I don't know what to think of his change in attitude. I shouldn't care, but at the same thing, I am worried about him. He's depressed and it's sending ripples through the entire pack. They don't work cheerfully anymore. They look sullen and are always gathered in corners and whispering to each other. I don't like that.

He never leaves his office anymore. He has all three meals there, and when I press my ear to the door I hear him pacing. It makes me bite my nails.

"Stop this," I tell him. "This isn't you. You need to toughen up and lead this pack. Those wolves out there need you."

He presses his fingertips together. "So now you want to tell me how to run my pack?"

"I'm just trying to help you." I huff with indignation.

"Help me by not causing trouble, alright?" There's that phrase again. Causing trouble. His uncle/not his uncle told me the same thing. So did his brother, once upon a time ago. He looks up sharply and shakes his head.

"This is exactly what I mean." He points at the door. "Leave. I have important things to resolve and you keep distracting me with your faux concern. Thank you very much, but I can take care of myself."

They all turn to me for everything. I have to decide what we'll have for breakfast, lunch, and dessert. Entrée, main course, and dessert. I didn't think being Luna came with so much responsibility. If the Alpha is unwell, the Luna has to step in.

So because of this, I've gotten to know more people. There's Donovan, who runs all kinds of errands, Fred who is the head chef, Berry who deals with the clothes, and so forth. I have to interact with them daily.

A group of males approach me one day and inform me that the food supplies are dwindling. I go to Kyle and tell him this.

"Send them to me, I'll take care of this."

I cross my arms over my chest. "Where do you get your supplies?"

He looks at me like I'm stupid. "From the human world, where else would I get them?"

"But that costs money, and a lot of it," I raise a brow. "No one around here works. So where do you get the money?"

His left eye twitches. "We'll discuss this another day. Just send Norman in with the others, got it?"

It's something illicit, I know it now. I felt it in his bones. I think of Norman and the other raiding houses in the middle of the night for all these supplies and it sickens me. It isn't just the food, there are designer clothes, too, and every luxurious ornament around the house. There are beautiful, famous paintings and artwork here. All of this costs money. I need to ask him again about this and make him explain. Am I not the Luna? Don't I have the right to know?

I make a turn by Claire's room and I ask her for one of her calming teas. I've been doing this for the past couple of days. At first, she seemed hesitant about it, then she boiled me one of her strange herbs. I sat on her bed and drank it, and I explained everything that has been happening lately to her, just in case she hadn't heard. Maybe she could deal with him, since she raised him, but then I remember that he accused her of favoritism. He claimed she loved Kilian most. I leave this promptly out of our interactions. She doesn't have to know, just in case it isn't true.

Dealing with Kyle always makes me jumpy. He's been so frustrating lately and it's eating at me. I don't know how to resolve this. I know what he wants, and I can't give it to him. Sure, I'm being more lenient and understanding, and I'm keeping my thoughts of Kilian to a minimum, but that isn't enough for him and I can't give him more than this. I can't abandon the thought of Kilian and love him unconditionally.

She opens the door and I greet her with a smile. She doesn't seem upset at my presence anymore and even though we sort of drifted apart, her dislike for me never returned. "I need one of your remedies. Your son won't stop giving me a hard time." I've noticed that she smiles whenever I call Kyle her son, which invalidates what Kyle told me a little bit. She loves him, she even has an altar for him on one of her shelves. There's on for Kilian, too, but still. No one has an altar of me in their rooms. She prays to the Moon to keep them safe and sound, but she seems anguished after her prayers.

She boils the mixture for me and I drink it. It has a minty aftertaste which I love and I clasp her hands between mine. "Thank you, Claire. I can always count on you."

She sends me on my way after drawing a small symbol over my skin and I leave her bedroom feeling calmer. And more tolerant.

I stop by the office to see Kyle. He rolls his eyes at the sight of me. "You never leave me alone these days. One would assume that you're starting to miss me. Dare I say love me?"

"Cut the crap. When do you plan on abandoning this and returning to your old self?"

"I don't recall becoming a new male."

I close my eyes. Claire's mixture is coursing through me and calming me, smoothing all my rough edges. I reopen them. "Can you stop being so selfish for one second and think about the pack instead? They need you down there, and I'm not a fit substitute."

"You should be. Lunas usually resolve most trivial things within a pack."

"You're calling me useless?"

"I'm calling you lazy. The burden is weighing your shoulders down, isn't it? Would you be more enthusiastic about this if I was Kilian?"

His accusation takes me off-guard. "That's a stupid question. This has nothing to do with who my mate is, and everything to do with the fact that I don't know a thing about being Luna. You were quick to bond with me, but not quick to teach me the duties of a Luna. How am I supposed to rule when I have no idea? Maybe I would be a better Luna to Kilian, but only because he has patience and tenderness, something you'll never possess in a million years."

He clenches his jaw. "When will you stop comparing me to my brother, Ryn?"

"You're the one who keeps bringing him up."

He sits back in his chair, fuming. "There's no going forward with you. Things never get better between us, only worse."

"I'm trying, Kyle. I could be holed up in my room and sulking about how things didn't go my way, but I'm here trying. You've stopped trying overnight and you're blaming me for it."

He runs his hands through his hair. "That's because you can't give me what I want."

"And vice versa. I need time, Kyle. More than anything I need time to put myself back together, and you can't give me that. You're always pushing and demanding and forcing me into things when my heart isn't in any of those things."

"So tell me then. What is it that you want?"

I pause. "We have to stop having sex."

He sits back, flabbergasted.

I continue. "We need to get to know each other better. Most importantly, we need to learn to trust each other and work as a team. We need to stop being on opposite sides."

"And how is not having s*x going to help with that?"

"For starters, I won't have to fake an o****m, which will help keep things honest between us."

He chuckles and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You are impossible."

"So are you. Promise me you'll think this over? That's all I need from you right now."

He looks at me with those eyes, eyes that are completely identical to his brother's. He lets his guard down, and his shoulders sag. "I promise."