The Moon's Choice

Kilian's Return

Two weeks pass by agonizingly slowly and no Kilian. I didn't think I could miss him this much. My entire being is aching in his absence, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do with these emotions. One moment I hate him for bringing me here and the next I'm wondering when he'll be back. Now that he isn't near me, I feel disconnected in some way. Like when he's near I can feel him, but now there's nothing. Just avoid. Perhaps it has something to do with how he can read my mind. Or my instincts, whatever he says.

I've learned a lot about him now that I'm getting to know more people. There is Jada and her children, Howie, the oldest of us all, Beth, the best female warrior, Mick, and Jordan, the couple. Some of them I consider friends now, but the rest remain unkind to me. Especially Justin. He always finds a way to make my life more difficult. His cabin is always the foulest. But I don't regret rejecting him. If anything, I avoided a lot more trouble by rejecting his advances. Besides, I don't think Kilian would like that one bit.

My hands are covered in calluses and my back pains occasionally. The work is strenuous and disgusting, but I manage. It's in no way getting easier, but I'll never allow Xathan to punish me again. I won't give him that satisfaction. We haven't said a word to each other since that day weeks ago when he assigned me cleaning duties. There's nothing to say. Sometimes, I have the urge to ask him about Kilian, but I don't think he'd give me a positive answer. He just doesn't seem like a bearer of good news. So I sit outside my cabin some nights and I watch the woods and smell the air for signs of him. I'm getting good at identifying specific scents. It's useful sometimes. I smell Xathan from yards away and I successfully dodge him. Justin, too.

I'm alone most of the time and even when Claire brings me my meals in the afternoons, we don't interact. I don't think I'll ever know why she tried to help me escape and I'll never ask. Perhaps she was trying to help me, to spare me from this terrible life, or maybe she was hoping Xathan would kill me. I wouldn't be surprised; everyone seems to want me dead around here for no particular reason.

I start my day by cleaning the nearby cabins. I didn't know people could live like this, but then again everyone is only part human here, including myself, and I'm slowly getting used to the idea. I don't cower when a male walks by naked, and I'm no longer afraid of the wolves littering the place. These past few weeks have been a torment, but I'm stronger now.

I rarely come across Sarah. I'm avoiding her entirely. I don't think I'll be able to control my temper if she jeers at me again and I don't want to risk getting another whipping. I have barely recovered from the first and that kind of pain I don't want to experience ever again.

I get to Xathan's cabin and Bailey is sprawled on the bed, naked. I've gotten to know her better. She's seventeen and a native wolf is not turned like me. She's the daughter of a packmate who desperately wants his daughter to be Luna. I've familiarized myself with these terms. Alpha, Luna, Beta. It's easy once you understand it.

"Where is he?" I ask her.

"I don't know," she shrugs, "he doesn't tell me where he goes. He left two hours ago. He isn't around the camp?"

I shake my head no.

"Who knows where he goes," she mumbles.

I start cleaning and she helps me so we get the job done faster. I start on the next one and by the time I finish cleaning all the cabins, it's about noon. I've learned to time the sun. I'm not sure I'm very accurate, but it'll do for now. Who knows when I'll get a watch? I need to work with what I have.

I stop by Claire's to grab my plate of food. I don't eat with the pack anymore. She's less hostile now, but there's still something there that I can't put my finger on. No one around here knows much about her, the only facts I know Sarah told me. Jada filled me in on the family history, but she heard it from a second source. Kilian's brother betrayed them, that much I know, but what I didn't know was that he and Kilian are sworn, enemies. I thought the issue was with his uncle, not with his brother, which is surprising to me. Jada told me they never got along, always fighting about one thing or another, and it's hard to envision Kilian fighting. It just doesn't suit him.

Claire hands me my plate. She's been ill, I can tell. Her skin is even more wrinkled and her complexion is pale. I feel bad for putting this burden on her, but when I offered to help with the cooking she shut the door on my face. The message was loud and clear.

"Hi, Claire." I greet her whenever I see her. She huffs, hands me my plate, and shuts the door. Her cabin is the only one I don't clean, so I'm not allowed inside. Bailey told me she once saw an altar of skulls, but I didn't take her seriously. They call her a witch around here. They say the Moon cut her tongue out for worshipping the devil, but it's hard to imagine that round white vastness cutting anyone's tongue, to be honest.

I sit outside a cabin and I polish off my plate. I then wash it, knock on Claire's door, thank her and she closes the door before I complete my sentence. Same old, same old.

I finish up and I make my way to my cabin. I peel my soiled clothes and I head outside to take a bath. I already filled the bucket earlier. No one is usually around here at this time, so I can take my shower privately. The cool air hits my skin and it's the most refreshing thing ever. Bailey gave me some soap earlier in the week, so I use the small bar sparingly. She says it's hard to come by, and not every female uses soap around here. It's the natural scent that counts, but I refuse to live that way. I'll need to find a way to get more soap, or I'll be in trouble.

I finish my bath and I make my way back inside. I grab a pair of clean shorts and a t-shirt Bailey also gave it to me. Before I put them on, I smell him in the room. I whirl around and there he is, staring at me with that calm expression I've missed for two whole weeks.

"Kilian," I say his name with an urgency I don't quite understand, and before I know it we're kissing and the clothes I've been holding are somewhere on the floor. I don't quite know where. I frankly don't care.

He pulls away to breathe and run his hands down my face. We're breathing hard and his green eyes are on me and when he touches me I feel like I'm splitting in two. His lips are rosy and wet and I kiss him again. His tongue is soft and caressing mine tantalizingly. We're both trembling and I don't know how to touch him. My hands are clumsy and I feel so insecure. Ryan was my first, so I don't have much experience. But Kilian doesn't seem to mind that.

He runs his hands over my breasts and I can't hold back the moan that leaves my lips. He takes off his clothes and we lie on my blankets. I'm so grateful for that bar of soap. I touch him and he groans, his eyes never leave mine. His hair brushes past my face and I hold onto his shoulders. He pops my hardened n****e in his mouth and I tug at his hair. It feels like silk between my fingers. His mouth is warm and wet and I screw my eyes shut in pure ecstasy.

He enters me and I scream. I rake my nails over his back and I bite his shoulder. He swells and hardens inside of me and stars explode behind my closed lids. I didn't think it could be like this. It's like he's ripping me apart and putting me back together. He lifts my hips and it feels like I'm flying. I come with a loud moan and he shudders above me.

He falls next to me with a thud and we're both breathing hard. I close my eyes and I feel his hand on mine. I hold on tight. We don't say anything to each other, we're beyond the point of words. There's a furnace burning inside of me and my sweat is gluing me to the ground. I look to my right and I realize that the door is wide open. My clothes are on the floor, but I don't think I have the strength to stand and pick them up.

Time passes and my body finally cools. I'm still holding his hand and he turns to his side. I turn to mine so that we're facing each other. He brushes my hair back and cups my face. His hands are warm and smell of me.

I want to say something, but I just don't know what to say. This was all so sudden and unexpected and I'm in shock. What I do know is that this felt right. Like it was meant to happen at some point. And I'm glad it did.

"I found more pack mates." He says. His warm breath fans my face is it's the most erotic thing ever. I want to breathe him in.

I lick my lips. "Okay."

"There's a young boy. His name is Ty. I found him wandering around a city, looking for food. His mother was a rogue. I brought him with me. I plan on taking care of him." He pauses and kisses my neck. "Will you help me?"

I nod. "Of course."

"I want you to move to my cabin. It's more comfortable than this. I'll put the new wolves here."

I nod again. "Okay." At this point, I don't want him to ever leave me. I didn't realize how much I needed him. "Where's the boy?"

"In my cabin. I told him I'd be spending the night elsewhere."

I shake my head lightly. "How'd you know I'd let you stay?"

He smiles. "I had a feeling."

He kisses me and I get on top of him to straddle him. He grabs my hips and I rake my nails over his torso. His eyes sparkle in the dark and the sight of him fills me with need and warmth.

I didn't know it could be like this. I throw my head back and howl with the wolves outside.