The Moon's Choice

Tension

The date of our mating is nearing and I'm bursting at the seams with excitement. Just two weeks left. We already live together and do everything else a mated couple does, but the ceremony will make it official. Sometimes I sit and think about everything I've been through and it all feels like a distant dream.

Even Ryan is starting to fade. I don't think about him at all anymore, nor of Louise, that snake, and it's relieving. I'm surprised by how little I care for now. A month ago, he was my everything. Now, he's just a distant memory of a life I have no plans to return to. And Kilian. I went from hating him to loving him. I don't think about returning to the human world. The simplicity of this life has its charms. Well, now that I don't have to clean after everyone's s**t, it has its charms.

Kilian brings me lunch and we eat together. He's attentive and caring and I don't know what I ever saw in Ryan. Sure, he was a good boyfriend at some point, but now that I know what true affection is, I think that with Ryan it was never love. It was gratitude. He lent me a hand when I most needed it, and he gave me a place to stay when I had none. He took care of me in a way my mother couldn't, and that was why I stuck to him so much.

I have a feeling he knew that all along, and maybe that's why he bossed me around so much, but I never minded because I guess unconsciously, I knew I couldn't afford to mind. Everything makes sense now. His s****l demands, him always choosing what I eat, what I wear, what I drink. He owned me, so that meant he could transform me into his puppet. He loved being in control all the time and I let him.

Louise was right, even though she is a traitorous b***h. Ryan wasn't a good person, and I can't believe I've only realized that now. We were never equals in our relationship and I'm glad I've come to that conclusion. Running Kilian over with my car--or rather, Ryan's car--saved me not only from Ryan, but from myself. I was lost and I didn't know how to find my way back home. I was drowning, and Ryan offered me that only lifeline, but it didn't have to be like that.

Kilian looks up sharply. "You're thinking about him again."

I reach for his hand. "Not in that way."

He looks suspicious, but he drops the subject and I push the two of them out of my mind. I have better things to occupy my thoughts with. "So how are we going to go about this?" I ask.

He doesn't ask me to clarify. He already knows what I'm talking about. "I'll talk to Claire. I bet she knows someone around here who will help you with a dress."

I gasp. "A dress?" A literal dress? This will be much like a wedding, then. I never gave much thought to weddings, but I don't feel that anticipated dread. I'm actually excited for this. I guess that's the normal reaction when you're sure you're with someone you trust and cherish and love.

"I don't know the details. I'll talk to her."

I want to comment that it will be a one-sided conversation as Claire never says a thing, but I refrain from it. She raised him, maybe they have a special way of communicating. Just because she's never tried with me, it doesn't mean she treats him the same way.

He stands and announces that he'll be going to see Xathan. "We need to figure out when the right time to attack SilverMoon is. We've been waiting a long time for this. We can't afford to wait any longer. We can't always replenish our resources, and it's a burden I can't carry on my own."

I stand as well. "You're the one who takes care of that, too? What does Xathan do then?"

He smiles. "Gives orders."

I roll my eyes. "Some Alpha." Then, I add, "You should be Alpha. You'd be a better leader than him. You have every quality of an excellent leader. I bet everyone around here hates Xathan. They respect you more."

He shakes his head. "Don't ever let anyone else hear that. They'll sell you out to Xathan and defamation is a crime around here, especially when it's the Alpha you're talking about. Keep your opinion to yourself, Ryn."

"You'll always be my Alpha. I'll say that for anyone to hear. I'm not afraid of telling the truth. Lies, yes. But not the truth."

He grabs my waist and kisses me deeply before he leaves. My entire being comes to life when he touches me. I fit against him perfectly. It's like we're meant to be, and I guess in a way, we are. It took me some time to figure things out, but I'm glad I did. He brushes my hair back with his fingertips. "Take care of yourself. I'll be gone for most of the day. And keep those opinions to yourself. Remember that."

I nod and smile sweetly. "Don't worry. I won't cause any trouble."

He scoffs at my response and leaves. I watch him walk away with a fluttering feeling in my chest. I didn't know I could be this happy with so little. I clean up the place and I wait for Ty to show up. He left early to do I don't know what. I told him to stay away from Justin and that overweight pig Daniel. I don't trust them, and I don't want Ty to trust them either. So I guess he's out playing. There aren't a lot of children here, but the handful of children around here are approximately his age, so I guess that's a bonus for him. He's better off than me. I'm alone most days.

He shows up right on time and I wonder where he learned to be so punctual. I ask him and he shrugs. He isn't the best talker, but he's a good listener. I bathe him and we both go to Claire's. She's already waiting for us at her door and hands us our bowls, and Kilian's as well. I thank her and I notice the way she looks at Ty. There's some affection in her stony gaze and it melts my heart. Perhaps she sees a young Kilian when she looks at him. There's no likeness there, but they have the same curious eyes.

I don't know when I've become such a softie. Kilian brings out the best in me, I think.

When we return to our cabin I decide to push Ty to talk. I ask him his age and he holds out nine fingers. I didn't know he was nine, he's a little small for his age. But then again, maybe he's just malnourished. Kilian found him wandering around the streets alone. His mother died in a war and he just didn't have where to go. He's been surviving this entire time on scraps and garbage, and my heart shattered when I heard the tale.

He's too young to have gone through this. He's suspicious and jumpy most of the time, but I think he's warming up to the place and I'm glad for it.

"What were you doing all day?" I ask.

He shrugs.

"Were you playing with Jada's kids? I forgot their names." He nods but doesn't tell me their names. I don't want to push him, so I leave it at that. We finish and he takes a small nap. I take the opportunity to wash clothes outside and hang them to dry. I've noticed that no one does their laundry here. They wear the same clothes over and over and the smell is intensifying, and it's hard to ignore when everyone is together, like during dinner and Feasts. Bailey got me another bar of soap and I'm so thankful. I don't want to have to smell like that.

It's late afternoon when he wakes up. In the human world, he'd be watching TV or playing a board game. But here, there isn't much a kid can do besides playing outside. I don't know how to entertain him, either. I've never had to take care of a child, but I'm learning. He isn't much trouble anyway.

He gets up to take a walk outside and I remind him not to get mud on his clothes. He nods and goes on a walk. It's been this way for the past week and it's becoming a routine. I suspect he leaves to give us some privacy. Kilian comes home late and we make love before we eat. He's extra passionate, kissing me like he can't get enough.

Ty joins us later and then we all sleep as a family, with him nestled between us. I didn't want to leave him on the floor. "There could be snakes and scorpions around here. We're in the middle of the forest." I argued.

Kilian didn't object. I knew he wouldn't.

I wake up in the middle of the night for some water. I always have water in a bucket inside, so I don't have to have the trouble of going to the well at this hour. The camp is dead still and I open the door and peer outside. I see Sarah leave Justin's cabin, since it's right across us I have a perfect view of his door. She pauses to glare at me and I glare back. Then she gets on her way and I close the door. My soul sings. She's finally moving on. Good for her. Justin is more her type than Kilian will ever be.

"What is it?" Kilian asks. I turn and he's wide awake.

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"I just saw Sarah tiptoe out of Justin's cabin." I watch his face for any reaction. Any blink or frown.

He doesn't react, and it pleases me. "You shouldn't be spying on people, Ryn." He says this playfully, shaking his head all the while.

I scoff. "I wasn't spying on anyone. I just opened the door and saw her there. What is it? Did the news upset you?"

He fixes me a look. "You know it didn't. I don't care about her. She was going to be my mate, but she won't be anymore. Whatever happened between us is in the past."

This spikes my anger. "I hate the fact that you have a history with her." My words are harsh and unforgiving. I don't know where this burst of anger came from. Ever since I shifted for the first time, I've been having trouble concealing my emotions. When I'm sad, I cry. When I'm angry, I have a fit.

He says coldly, "Just like I hate that you have a history with Ryan Byrne."

I raise a brow. Hearing Kilian say his name is strange. That name doesn't belong in his mouth. There's something else, though. "How do you know his surname?" I never told him. I rarely mention Ryan these days.

Something darkens in his eyes. I've never seen him this hostile before and it scares me. This isn't the Kilian I know. "You said it once in your sleep."

I feel embarrassed. I was so desperate before, to go back to my old life, but not anymore. And the fact that he would just throw that in my face makes me sad. I return to bed and we sleep with our backs to each other. I think for some time. Something feels wrong about what he said. I turn to look at him, but all I see is his hair in the dark.

I don't know why, but I can't help but feel that he was lying to me. I don't think I said his name in my sleep. Kilian knew it all along. He lied, and I need to find out why.