Loneliness H.S

Chapter One

2016

You know when you have to make a decision, like a really big one. You think about why you want to do it, why you don't want to do it, and last but not least you think about the outcome. In every decision you make there is something you gain, and there's something you lose.

I want to get out of this town, but someone once told me that back in 1653 there was this demon that lived here in Ashbourne. The demon apparently went on a killing spree and killed half the town. The mayor, Desmond Styles finally caught him that same year and made a witch put a spell on the town so that once you cross the border you can't go back. Later that day they say the mayor and his wife Anne took the demon into the woods and pushed him over the border exactly here where I'm currently sitting, staring over at the trees on the other side of the so-called border.

Ashbourne is surrounded by trees, but there is only a little part of the forest that stretches over to our side of the border and makes its own little forest. It's my favorite place to be. Just looking over to the other side and wondering what is out there, and draw. It isn't much to draw besides trees and grass, but it amazes me how every drawing is different even though their practically the same.

Other people don't dare to walk in here after three teenage guys were going to prove that the story was fake, and the demon was a made up myth to make sure no one leaves. The three boys went in this little forest just inside the border in the middle of the night, but not even a minute later they came running out, screaming that they had seen him on the other side. I don't know if the story is true or not, but I have to admit that when I lay on the bench here I get the feeling of someone being here sometimes, watching me. I don't do anything about it though because, to be honest for some strange reason I like it. I don't feel scared, or uncomfortable, it's just a little strange. Mostly I don't even notice it that much, because when I read I tend to get caught up in the story or when I draw I am too concentrated to even notice what is happening all around me.

Some days ago I found this necklace lying on the ground beside the bench I usually sit on. It has a silver chain, and a big blue heart-shaped diamond hanging from it. I don't know if the diamond is real or not because I'm not an expert on that kind of stuff. However, the weird thing about it is what's on the back of the diamond. There are some words engraved on the back of it 'For your eyes only'. I don't completely understand it, but on some level, I do, however, I don't know if the necklace is for my eyes only or if it will bring me something that is. It had been laying there a while before I took it of course. It looked really expensive so if someone lost it they would probably come back and get it, but no one ever came so it would be a shame to just let something so beautiful go to waste, right? So I took it. That's probably really wrong but I did, and I have never taken it off since. When I'm not here I hide it under my shirt, I want it to be my secret, that makes it more special. I just wish that someday it will bring me something that truly is for my eyes only, and I believe that I won't have that unless I leave this place.

It's not that I don't believe that the demon doesn't exist and that he is something unexplainable. It's just that something seems off about the story, like the reason he got thrown out in the first place if he killed half the town, where are the bodies? I'm not stupid I know it was a long time ago, but shouldn't it be a ton of graves with that date on the tombstones or a big place where they got burned? And people always talked about how strong he was so how did the mayor and his wife single-handedly throw him over the border. It just doesn't make sense.

The reason as to why I want to get out of here is I have been a curious person all my life, and I never liked the words 'maybe' or 'what if', never knowing what could have happened, so if I stay I will never know what would have happened if I left. I will grow old and wonder for the rest of my life. If I leave however I will either get killed by this demon or I will get to see what is outside of these walls. I will also find out if he is real or not. It won't be that hard to leave seeing as I don't have any friends. I have always kind of kept to myself, because when I was thirteen I told people about my theory that something seemed off about the whole demon story, and they would call me a freak and say I was sticking up for him, and when my parents found out they cut all contact towards me what so ever. They felt ashamed of me, so they just stopped talking to me and didn't want to be seen with me outside of the house. They were nice enough not to throw me out though, so I still have a place to sleep. What if I do get a better life on the other side. What if I get a job, meet a guy, what if I finally in some way get to feel something other than loneliness, what if.

I look around and notice that it's starting to get dark so it's probably time to go back home. I push myself of the white bench and pick up my stuff before starting to walk back. As I step out of the little forest I have a clear view of the little town named Ashbourne. I can see the center of town which consists of some food shops and somewhere they sell clothes. Around the center of town is just a bunch of houses, then grass, then the border and then more grass and trees, that's it really.

I am half way down the hill by now, and my house isn't far from my spot, because we live in the last row of houses, so we are the closest to the forest. The hill isn't that high, but it still reaches over the highest house. I finally reach my house, and to my surprise, all the lights are on indicating that my parents are most likely home. Our house isn't that big, but it isn't small either, it is enough for just the three of us.

I walk up to the front door. All the houses have a sign on the door telling you who lives in each house, on ours, it says Bob, Sarah, and Mina Thatcher, you can hardly see my name though, since my mum had a breakdown one day, and tried to scratch it away. She had been drinking, and I guess it just was too much for her, but It's still there. I open the front door and hear plates, pots, and silverware bumping into each other, as they are being washed by my mother in the kitchen. I close the door behind me and the clinging from the kitchen stops, a few seconds later my mother sticks her head out through the kitchen door to check who it is. As soon as she sees it is only me she disappears back into the kitchen again and goes straight back to what she was doing.

"Hello, to you too," I mumble to myself while trying to concentrate on getting my shoes off. Untying them, and just putting them in the middle of the hallway, like I do every day hoping that one day she will get so tired of it that she has to at least yell at me, and tell me to put them where they should be. She never does though, instead, every morning when I come down to the hallway again they are just moved to where my mom thinks they should be.

I walk into the kitchen. She is standing with her back towards me, and her hands full of soap scrubbing a plate clean.

"How was work?" I ask trying to make conversation. She works as a doctor. There are not many doctors here because we're not really many people, so she gets paid well. She doesn't answer me of course, as expected.

I take the milk out of the fridge, and take a sip from the carton, just as my dad walk into the kitchen. My dad hates it when I do that, so I do it for the same reason I leave my shoes in the middle of the hallway. Like my mother, he doesn't talk to me either, even though I do it every day. He just looks at me with irritation in his eyes. I know he wants to scream at me, and that's all I want. I don't care if it's screaming or just a simple remark of disappointment or irritation. I just wanted their words to be directed towards me for a change. At night sometimes when I sit on the roof outside my window I can hear them talk on the porch before they go to sleep. They're not talking to me, but it's still their voices so it's better than nothing.

I just walk up the stairs to my room. Not really in the mood to bother staying downstairs trying to make conversation, knowing it's pointless

I climb out my window, and sit down on the roof, looking up to where the little forest is. There are both pros and cons of crossing, however, there are a lot more pros than cons, if you don't include possible death. Also, I am eighteen so I can legally live on my own.

I let out a frustrated sigh as I can't seem to gather up the courage to leave. That is what I want the most, I don't want to stay here, the loneliness I feel is starting to get too much. I feel a smile form on my lips as I know I have made my decision. I am going to leave, I am, I'll do it tomorrow. I'm going to take some things with me and I'm going to cross the border. I have no reason to stay here. my mom and dad wouldn't care, and I have no friends.

why do I always have to love alone? Maybe if I would have realized this sooner I would have left sooner to, I have always had this unrealistic hope that someday my mum and dad would love me again, that someday I will get my friends back, that someday someone would meet my love halfway.

-

So now here I am putting my brown hair up in a ponytail. My hair has always been some shades darker than my eyes, I have always hated my eyes. They are originally brown, but in bright light, they turn a weak shade of green. The color is apparently called hazel or amber, I don't know, but I don't like it.

I put my backpack down on the grass. I filled it with some pair of clothes, money, hairbrush, and other necessary stuff. It was filled with the thing I needed and just couldn't leave behind.

"Come on, you can do this," I say trying to encourage myself. I am standing just centimeters away from the borderline. Just centimeters away from either my freedom or death.

I pick up the bag and let out a big breath before throwing it to the other side so I can't turn back since everything I love and need is in that bag. I left a note to my parents telling them not to worry about me and that I love them. So now the only thing left is for me to cross. It is silent all around me, not even the wind can be heard. It is late in the afternoon; I am supposed to leave much earlier but building up my courage to do so took much longer then I thought.

I slowly stick my hand out moving it closer to the border. My hand is shaking slightly making it easy to see how nervous I am. I don't feel anything weird as I move it across the border, I try to move it a little, but I can't, I try pulling it back, but it is stuck. Wait! If it's stuck it means the legend is true... No one has ever dared to cross over so no one never really knew for sure, but now I do and that means there is a great chance that 'he' exists too.

I can feel my body freeze in panic, and my mind is freaking out. I try pulling harder, kicking at the shield hoping the force will push me away from it, and getting my hand loose, but my foot just goes straight through. Now both my foot and hand are stuck, but before I can try to come up with a solution something takes a hold of my hand and pulls me over.