WARBRINGERS: Revenge and Revolution

INTERLUDE: WOMEN SCORNED

[JULIE]

“SO TELL ME something about yourself.”

Julie couldn’t take her eyes off Zultana. The sky above was beautiful and studded with stars but her eyes were only for the beautiful woman beside her.

They decided not to finish the dance. Zultana said that her family has a farmhouse near the castle. She said that her parents weren’t home. They didn’t stay inside the farmhouse though. They stayed outside it, Zultana lay a cloth mat on the green grass. They sat there to look at the stars.

Which was not happening. Because Zultana couldn’t keep her eyes off her, too.

“I am not interesting,” Julie said, shook her head.

“Really?” Zultana smiled then raised her eyebrow. “Then why am I so interested in you?”

Julie felt an unfamiliar burn on her cheeks. It was almost similar to when she feels ashamed… but still different.

“You’re…” Julie’s face ached with the desire to grin. “You’re a flatterer.”

“Just tell me,” she said. Zultana inched closer to her that she could feel the warmth of her body. “I want to know you, Julie.”

And Julie realized no one has ever told her that, no one really made her feel that they want to know her.

“I want to be a miram,” Julie said. “I like magic. And… I like to teach people.”

“So, you’re a smartass?”

Julie laughed. “No, I’m not.”

“But seriously, it’s a good dream. Why did you sound sad when you said it?”

“Well, my akir doesn’t want me to be a miram. He said teachers die alone and get eaten by their cats.”

“True,” Zultana said. When she gave her a look, she grinned. “Kidding.”

“But I really want to be a teacher. And… my akir wants me to marry a man.”

Zultana made a gagging sound. “Ugh. Who needs them?”

“Right?” Julie said, suddenly enthusiastic. “Cantatans act as if men are gifts of the gods to women. Like, c’mon, how can they be a gift? Their farts are loud.”

Zultana laughed heartily she had to hold her stomach. Her eyes would almost sparkle when she laughs. Her eyes were prettier than the stars.

“But… to be honest, I guess I just never met a guy I have a connection with,” Julie said. “Guys are not bad people--or at least most of them. I just haven’t met the one who will make my heart beat fast… just like in the novels.”

Just like what I’m feeling now, Julie wanted to say.

“Well, maybe in the future you’d find a man who will make you feel like the heroines of romance novels…” Zultana said. “Or maybe, you’ll not find a man. You’ll find a…”

Zultana didn’t finish the thought. She looked at her with those pretty eyes of hers. Her gaze traveled to her face. From her eyes, down to her nose, down to her lips. Julie felt her lip twitch, she felt this need inside her, this desire for someone else’s lips to cover hers.

“Maybe you’ll find a woman,” Zultana said. She leaned down on her until her nose brushed hers and she could feel her warm breath on her face. Zultana closed her eyes and whispered. “If you don’t want it, I won’t do it…”

Julie’s lips parted because she wanted to feel her lips against hers. She wanted to know how she tasted, how the inside of her mouth feels. Julie swallowed a lump on her throat, feeling a burning desire from her chest to her entire face. Even the cold night air couldn’t cool it down.

Julie never expected this to happen.

But she wanted it to happen.

So she said, “Kiss me.”

Zultana crossed the space between their faces and Julie felt her lips against hers. She was surprised how soft her lips were, like cotton. Her mouth moved and a groan escaped from her lips. Her entire body tingled. And she felt something warm between her legs. She suddenly felt extra sensitive there.

Julie was never a coy woman so she pushed her tongue inside her mouth and tasted how sweet she was. Zultana’s tongue touched hers and it felt as if all of her was now sensitive as if her desire burned not just her body but her soul.

Zultana broke the kiss and nibbled her ear before whispering, “Let’s go inside.”

When they managed to get inside Zultana’s room, Zultana lay her on the bed. Zultana undressed her then undressed, too. After a while, they explored each other’s bodies.

Julie realized she was traversing the same roads, the same intersections, but she still found herself lost on it. And when they came, they came together and Zultana’s eyes were more beautiful than ever that she instantly wanted to get lost in her body one more time.

***

JULIE didn’t see Zultana again for another six months but she craved for her. And she still felt connected to her. Julie wondered who she was then if she should label herself an indro.

But Julie knew she wasn’t an indro. For her, an indro is a man trapped in a woman’s body. Julie didn’t want to be a man. She was just a woman who found a connection to another woman.

She wanted to go to the farmhouse but she was afraid to do it. They both agreed that what they felt that night was something only a few people would understand.

Julie ached to see and feel Zultana again. So when Mario announced that there will be another dance in the castle’s courtyard, she was excited to go. At least there would be an excuse to see her, at least it would seem as if the gods wanted them to meet again.

And they did meet again. Julie was wearing the most beautiful gown she had ever worn. She bought one because she wanted to impress Zultana. She even let her amir put make-up on her face, pink and purple. She wanted Zultana to kiss those colors away.

But when she saw Zultana, she wasn’t alone. A man was by her side, his arms wrapped on her waist, owning her. Julie stood there in the middle of that party, her heart aching. Her sister Jasmine saw her watching and asked, “Do you know Zultana?”

Julie wasn’t surprised Jasmine know Zultana. Jasmine was pretty popular… and her sister’s a gossip.

“I know her,” Julie said. “I met her at the last party.”

“Oh, really?”

“Do you know the man beside her?”

“Oh, that’s her irog,” Jasmine said. “They got engaged two months ago. He’s a soldier. He’s handsome, isn’t he?” Jasmine giggled.

Julie didn’t respond. Zultana was talking to her irog, but then she glanced at her. Zultana’s boyfriend kept on talking but it looked as if she wasn’t listening because she was looking right at her. And did it with loneliness in her eyes.

Julie gave her a scornful look. She almost mouthed “f**k you” because she was hurt and she wanted to blame it on Zultana. In the end, she just turned her back on Zultana and walked away.

***

EVEN if Julie hated Zultana a little bit for agreeing to marry a soldier, she was still the star of her dreams. They made love inside her head when she’s alone.

Her akir was pushing her again to meet a man, but she ignored him. She focused on studying how to be a miram.

On the day of Zultana’s wedding--saklub-- she went to the farmhouse. She stood meters away and watched as Zultana and the soldier promised fidelity forever. Julie couldn’t hear the ceremony, but she knew how the woman’s vow would go. A woman should promise that she will obey her husband, that she will let him lead.

You don’t believe in that, Zultana. You don’t believe in those vows. I know you don’t believe that a woman should just obey.

The two kissed and saklub was over. As Julie was coming home, she thought of hiring a male w***e. Maybe if she had s*x with a man, she’d realize that she could also form a s****l connection to them, too. She didn’t do it though. She knew it would be pointless.

***

A YEAR had passed until Julie saw Zultana again. She was buying something in the market when she saw her. Cantata was small, she knew. But the gods never let them meet again until that day. And maybe the gods had a reason. Because when she saw her, she saw a purple bruise on the side of her face.

Julie stopped in her tracks when she saw Zultana. Zultana’s face looked tired; her hair uncombed. She was paler than before, her eyes looked like dying stars.

“Can we talk?” Zultana said after a while. “My husband’s not home… he’s…”

Julie just nodded. Soon they were in her room. Zultana sat on the bed, looking like a lost kid, tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was naked. Julie saw the bruises all over Zultana’s body. He also hurt her in places that wouldn’t show.

“Why is he doing this?” Julie said.

“Because I’m barren,” Zultana answered.

Julie’s heart got so heavy hearing that. She wanted to slap her on the face, shake her off, tell her that she should leave her husband. She wanted to tell her that the Zultana she knew wouldn’t let a man hit her, wouldn’t base her sense of womanhood on the capability of bearing a child.

But did she really know Zultana?

They just spent a night together. Maybe it was even a night of lies.

“Kiss me,” Zultana said… no, she begged.

Julie didn’t respond. Zultana held her shoulders. “Kiss me, please. Kiss me… I want it…” She almost choked in her own tears. A thin strand of snot slipped out of one of her nostrils.

“No,” Julie said. Her eyes welled with tears. Her body ached with the desire to own her. But… “No. Wake up first. Get your act together first.”

Julie stood up and left her. She heard her cry, she heard her call her name, but she didn’t turn back. Every step was like a slug to the heart.

***

JULIE last saw Zultana when she graduated and become officially qualified to be a miram.

The ceremony was held in the castle. Julie just received a scroll that served as her certificate when she saw Zultana. She was there with the crowd, paler than ever, her face swollen with bruises, but she was there and she watched. She applauded for her, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Julie’s eyes stung with tears. She regretted not kissing her again. She wanted to go near her, to reach for her, but she got lost in the crowd.

It took her five days to decide that she was willing to help her get out of her marriage, help her reach her dreams, too. But when Julie went to Zultana’s house she discovered that she was already dead.

Zultana was beaten to death by her husband.

The sky wept with Julie as she went home crying. She stumbled upon the trees and slipped on the mud, yet she kept on sobbing. Her face was full of dirt and tears.

Her heart was never the same again.

***