Never Give Up on Love Box Set

Chapter 3-2

Elias

Shit.

He hadn’t been ready to see Thomas again. What were the chances of them bumping into each other exactly at that moment? And there? Initially, he hadn’t even wanted to go to the hospital, but his face had been hurting badly. At home, he didn’t have any painkillers, and he was afraid his cheekbone was broken. Not that they could have done much, because he didn’t have much money right now and they probably would have asked him to pay for the service, but he was feeling vulnerable and he missed having somebody to take care of him.

Sometimes it happened to him. Not often, but lately it happened more often than he liked to admit.

His mother had died when he was a kid. Back then, they lived in the States. He’d been three years old, and he almost couldn’t remember her. He could only remember a moment in the park one night. She was pushing him on the seesaw, smiling. And then…then there were bad memories that he’d pushed into the back of his mind, hoping they would disappear into a black hole. But he still kept a wrinkled passport photo of her in his wallet.

His father had died a few years after his mother of a heart attack, after bringing both his sons back to Ireland, his motherland. Elias was ten by then, and his brother was twenty-five. Since then, things only got worse.

While his father was alive, Elias had lived a rather peaceful life, even if Liam’s presence at home resulted in furious fights between him and the old man. And when he’d died, and they were left all alone, Liam had done his best as an older brother. Well, he’d given Elias a roof to sleep under and food to eat, but nothing else. No hugs, no compliments. Nothing. There wasn’t a single day that Elias didn’t have to show why he deserved to live in that house. For a long time, when he was a kid, he’d hoped that pleasing Liam would make things go differently. But it had never happened. To Liam, he was just a kid. And then when he’d grown up and it turned out that Liam had a gay brother, things got worse. There had been disgust, punches, insults, and the threat that he would kick Elias out.

Until Elias had turned into a good-looking guy and Liam had understood that people liked him. Elias was attractive with his black eyes and sharp face, innocent and s****l at the same time, so different from the typical Irish features. He was beautiful as he moved on the small dance floor at the Black Sheep, where Liam had found him one night. Many people told him he was beautiful and Elias believed it, because he noticed the way others looked at him. Ravenous eyes observing him in the darkness. Landmeadow for sure wasn’t Ireland’s answer to San Francisco—no rainbows on the street, but there were places where gay people could meet without any problems, and the Black Sheep was the best one.

Then Liam started to sell drugs. If he’d been a mediocre brother before, with drugs he became even more difficult. Elias had never used drugs; he’d never wanted to. His life was sad enough without developing a drug dependence. He was already being screwed by life in general. But there had been times when he’d allowed people to use his body to make his brother happy, to satisfy some of his customers. Happy customers spent more on Liam’s cocaine. And more money for Liam meant Liam was happy. And a happy Liam meant having a brother who took care of him.

Because even though Elias was no longer a boy, he craved affection—he felt an enormous emotional chasm inside of himself.

Elias didn’t finish high school, so he didn’t have many prospects, and often he reproached himself for accepting what his brother offered him. Luckily it didn’t happen often, and usually he survived by working here and there.

But there were nights when Elias didn’t want to satisfy his brother and his customers—most of all, he didn’t want to be touched when he still had Thomas on his mind. Thomas. He couldn’t get that man with the damned gray eyes out of his mind.

He had to forget about him, had to forget he’d ever met him. He wasn’t any better than others. He was just another person who would hurt him, scratch his heart, leaving him broken and alone.

But the night before, despite Elias praying it was too late to find Liam at home, or too early, he’d soon found out he was wrong. His brother had welcomed him when he got home, sniggering like a hyena and telling him that Paddy wanted to spend some time with him. Paddy was old. He smelled like booze, and he didn’t even wash himself before f*****g. No, Elias couldn’t do it and made up the excuse that he’d just thrown up on the street. Liam got mad, and maybe he hadn’t meant to but he’d grabbed Elias’s head, throwing him down with so much force he’d sent Elias crashing face-first into the door fixture, right where the bolt was.

And now his face was throbbing. That’s why he’d gone to the emergency room. He would have never expected to see Thomas, or expected Thomas to speak with him, let alone insinuate that Elias was some kind of desperate crazy person, following Thomas there in the hope of seeing him. Even though he’d done just that once, maybe twice, hearing the words had still been painful, as had the realization that Thomas hadn’t been worried about Elias’s health but was just worried about himself. He’d assumed that Elias was some kind of crazy kid who had been following him like a puppy since God knows when, hoping to see him.

Elias heard Liam’s voice coming from the kitchen and lowered his head as he passed him and went to his bedroom.

“Where have you been?”

“Out.”

Elias grimaced when he realized that it wasn’t the right answer, and in fact, a moment later a hand closed over his arm, gripping him so tightly that his arm started to go numb. “Don’t act like an asshole with me, Elias. Yesterday I had to explain to Paddy why you refused him. Don’t force me not to look after you. Where have you been?” Liam insisted a moment before somebody rang the door.