Love So Far

I'm Sorry

After coming home, I told everything to Rags and cried out. She was there for me and never left my side even for a second. During, dinner, mom and dad asked what’s wrong with me as I look tired, to that she made up for me, by saying that we two went to the amusement park and had some quality sissy time, so, I feel tired. My mom looked at me, and I knew that she didn’t believe Rags, but thank god she didn’t say anything.

“You both went to the amusement park.” Aliya made a sad face, “That too without me.” She pouted.

 “I’m sorry, princess.” Rags convinced her, the word princess reminds of Krish as he calls me by that name. “We’ll take you there next time, as you had your school today, right? And I promise you that we 3 will go together and loads of fun.”

“Liar.” Aliya pouted and finished her dinner.

Rags noticed me that I was in my world of thoughts. So, she kicked me under the table.

“Huh?” I came out of my thoughts and looked at everyone and all were looking at me suspiciously.

“What happened Looshin?” mom asked worriedly.

“Nothing, mom. I’m just tired.” I got up from the chair, “I’m going to sleep.” I said and left.

“But you didn’t fin…” I could hear my mom’s voice fading away.

That night, I couldn’t sleep well as I kept tossing in my bed, thinking about Krish, whether he’ll come to meet me or not.

Next day, I wore a black colour floral print cami sundress and tied my hair into a messy ponytail with pointy toe belted slipper flats and completed my look with light makeup and left to meet Krish, which I wished he would come.

“Looshin.” I heard Rags voice as I was about to get in the car. I turned around and she came running towards me in her workout b*a and yoga pants. “All the best, Loo.” She cheered me.

“I don’t know, what will happen today. But let’s hope for the best.” I gave a weak smile to her.

“Oh, shut the f**k. Looshin.” She rolled her eyes. “Do you know, that i***t can’t get over without you.”

“Thanks, dhi.” I hugged her and got into the car.

I reached the café an hour before and was waiting for Krish to come. Meanwhile, one of the waiters came to take my order.

“I would like to have one fish and chips with one coffee. And I’m waiting for someone, who’ll be arriving soon.” I said and looked at the door accepting Krish to come.

A couple of hours later, I have ordered two coffees and some snacks but still, there was no sign of him.

‘See, I told you.’ My brain scolded me, ‘he’ll not come.’

‘Shut up’ My heart scolded my brain, ‘He loves her a lot. So he would come.’

‘It’s already one at noon’ snapped, ‘And the café will close around two. So, do you think he would be coming?’

‘I’m sure that he’ll come.’ My heart talked back. ‘Looshin, listen to me, you know very well that he loves you as you do. So, wait for him.’’

‘Whatever’ My brain rolled her eyes.

Finally, I listened to my heart and decided to wait for some more time. I looked at the time, it was half an hour to two. So, decided to call him, and I took my phone dialled his number my screen but it directly went to voice mail, “hey, it’s Krish here, please leave a message if you can’t reach me. Thank you and have a nice day.”

‘See. I told you he’ll not come. Because has got over you.’ My mind snapped.

‘Maybe he has got struck with traffic.’ My heart reasoned.

Again, they began to quarrel with each other.

‘Will you both shut the f**k up?’ I mentally yelled at them, ‘I’m here to get my Krish back not to listen to you stupid fights. So, shut your f*****g mouth and get lost.’

‘Sorry’ they both said in unison.

After what seemed like an eternity, I saw Neil coming into the café, his eyes searched for me and when his eyes landed on me, he had a weak smile on his face, as he was heading towards me.

“Neil?” I was surprised as well as shocked to see him.

He came and sat in front of me. His eyes were blood red and puffed. I had an instinct that he is hiding something from me.

“What happened, Neil?” I asked him, “And what are you doing here? Where’s Krish?”

“He… he…” he stuttered.

“Say me, Neil.” I gritted my teeth.

“He’s gone.” He said after a long sigh.

“What do you mean by he’s gone?” I yelled with tears in my eyes.

Suddenly a couple of people who were in the café look towards us, “We’re sorry please, continue your work.” Neil apologized and he stood and came to sit beside me and hugged me.

“I have tried so many times to convince him, but he didn’t listen to me and decided to go to India.” He said while caressing my hair. “And he said me to give this to you.” He took a letter from his pant pocket and gave it to me. I took the letter half-heartedly and opened it.

‘I’m sorry Princess. I know I’m hurting you once again but I have got no other choice. Even though, you said that you have forgiven me and you still want to be with me but my heart is not accepting it. So, I decided to go back to India and never into your life, but remember one thing my princess; I will always love you and you’ll always be my one and only princess. Please move on Princess, I want you to be happy and I know that its hard to move on but time heals everything, my baby. I’m sorry and I love you. Goodbye, princess.’

“Why Neil? Why?” I asked him while I was sobbing. “Why can’t he understand that I’m not angry at him? Why is he hurting me so much?”

I kept on crying on Neil’s shoulder until one of the waiters said that it’s their closing which made us leave the café. He took me to the car and made to sit the passenger and he took the driver seat.

The whole drive was awkwardly silent, the only sound that could be heard was my sobbing sound. After what seemed like an eternity we reached my house. Neil pulled the car in the driveway and looked at released a long sigh.

“Looshin, I know what kind of feeling you are going through.” He held my hand and took a long sigh, “But I think is you should move on as he said.”

My ears couldn’t believe what Neil said, “What are you saying, Neil? I mean how could you? You know right, how much I love Krish and I can’t live without him. Then how could you say that I should move on.” I yelled as I grabbed his T-shirt neck while sobbing.

“I… I…” he looked down, “I’m sorry Looshin. I couldn’t see you like this.” He looked at me, there was an unknown emotion on his eyes but he hides it and got down from the car and opened my door and I got down. “You should go and take some rest. Time will heal everything. Maybe it may help you to move on.” He said.

 With that, anger raised from me, “If you ever dare to say move on or get over from Krish, then consider that our friendship is over then and there.” I said and went into the house leaving Neil in the driveway.

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Neil’s Pov:

I know that I should have told the truth to her but I can’t because I don’t want to see her in a miserable condition. When I entered the café, I saw how she was looking for Krish desperately at the entrance of the cafe. She had a hope that Krish would come but it didn’t last for long when I said that he’s gone. And I do know that she loves Krish more than anything else but I can’t take it when her heart is breaking. She deserves the best.

“I’m sorry Looshin. I know how much you have been hurt but I can’t tell you the truth. You should move on.” I said as she went into the house.

After she went in, I took a taxi and went to my house. I took a hot shower and changed into a white striped PJ’s and a black T-shirt. I sat on the holding my head in the hand.

I don’t know what to do? How am I going face Looshin? And What will happen if Looshin finds out the truth? My mind was filled so many questions. Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my phone, which was lying in the bedside table.

“Hello,” I answered it without seeing the caller ID.

“Neil.” Voice of the person on other side came, who can heal the pain that I’m going through right now.

“Monica?” Tears rolled down my cheeks unknowingly, “Didn’t you sleep? I might be late night over there, right?”

“Yeah. But I can’t sleep after knowing what are you going through.” Her voice seemed concerned. And She knows everything even the truth which I hid from Looshin. “How’s Looshin?”

“How could she be?” My voice trembled.

“Time changes everything, Neil. She needs you and you should be there for her. Please don’t let her know about Krish.”

“I don’t know, Monica. I don’t know how will I face her after everything happened?” I sobbed.

She consoled me and we talked for some time, with that she drifted to sleep without ending the call. I ended the call and took a photo frame, which was on the study table. It was the photo of Looshin and me, which we took on my birthday. She side hugged me and both of our faces were applied with my birthday cake cream.

“I’m sorry bestie. I’m really sorry. I did this because want you to be happy.” With that drifted off to sleep.