I could not sleep.
I had been lying there for what felt like hours, flat on my back, staring at the ceiling like it owed me something, turning onto my side, turning back, pulling the blanket up, pushing it down, and none of it was working because my body was tired but my head was doing that thing it did sometimes where it simply refused to stop, replaying the same moment over and over like it was trying to find something different in it each time,
Lyra's hands on his chest,
His face,
The door clicking shut,
I gave up on the ceiling eventually and went to the window instead, pulling my knees up and sitting in the windowsill the way I used to do as a girl when I could not sleep at Ruth's house, looking out at whatever was outside, and what was outside tonight was a sky so clear and cold
