Shattered Albeit Winsome

#57

Arnav you also come along with us .It has been years you have not been there .

Why I do not want to go.

You guys go .

I don't want to go India.

It has been five years bro.

You have not been to India.

Mum and Papa are also there we should go bro.

Come on ...

No no I am okay here only .

I do not want to .

What the hell.

Go from here Simran

I want to talk to mamu.

What is your problem Arnav why don't you want to go India.

I have asked you several times but you never said me the reason as in why you do not want to go India.

I know how much you love India. In spite of that you are telling you do not want to go India. I just cannot believe you .

I know there is something serious that does not let's you go there .

But until and unless you will not tell the reason to me how will I help you .

I know now you will tell that there is nothing such .

But let me tell you I am your older sister I know it very well .That something is going on your mind and about that you are not telling us .

But enough is enough.

You will have to tell the truth .

If there is no such happening then what will I tell you .

I am not a fool please do not fool me .

I very well know that what is there and what is not .

So do not think you can fool me .

You just cannot fool me .

Do not even think that you can do so.

Di I am telling you right .

Do you think I can do so .

Shut up...

There is no joke going on.

Do not even think that I am going to believe you .

What is wrong with you di?

Why are you talking about this now?

All of sudden what happen to you ?

I am not getting you ?

It is not at all , all of sudden.

Even you also know that.

I have been observing you since years.

If you do not remember let me tell you one thing I am your older sister

I have been with you since your childhood.

So please do not even say that you are not lying .

I very well know what you do and when you do .

That is another thing you do not want to say me about it .

It is okay

But do not say lies .

Come on we are siblings we know each other very well.

I really do not know what had happened.

Why did you become like this .

Why did you change ?

I know not anything .

But it is okay .

I am fine with it .

But don't you think becoz of that one thing you are hurting many .

Above all our parents too.

They do not deserve that .

They do not deserve your this behaviour.

They crave for you.

They crave for your love .

They need you .

You just cannot leave them like this.

I should not say like this .

But for how many years they will be alive .

They will also pass away .

We are there children.

They live for us we should also think about them.

We should also live for them.

Think about it .

I just cannot go India . Somehow I have accepted that she is no more mine . But going there and seeing her again there will kill me from inside . I just cannot afford to take the risk . When I was here back from India it was quite difficult for me to deal with these situations .

Day by day I got to learn to tackle with all the situations of mine . Now by going there I just cannot afford to ruin everything . The habits are gone now . If I will go there now then I will have to face everything again. I just cannot manage to face all those things again. No , no .... never ... ever ...

Seeing her with some other boy will kill me . How will I see her with someone else? I will not be able to handle myself .

When I am here so I can disguise my thoughts and feelings . If I had been there I would have failed miserably . Everyone around would have known about my feelings . They would have been aware of everything .

I am ok with bei

ng hurt , but I just cannot hurt everyone else around there . I so cannot do so . Seeing others sad just becoz of you is one of the difficult feelings you can have ever . I do not want anyone to suffer just because of me .

Apart from this if I will go back India I very well know mum and papa will tell me to get married . I do not want to do so . Yes I am shattered , hurt , but I am winsome this way only . I do not want anyone else to be in my life . I just cannot think of anyone else .

Samaira is suppose to be my first love and she will only be my last love . I can get attached to someone , I can be close to someone . I can be in love with someone . But all of them will be foul. It will not be fair .

Fair is foul and foul is fair .

It will surely go apt with this quote of Shakespeare .

Loving someone like I love Samaira is not at all possible for me now . I just cannot fake myself . I will not be able to give happiness to that girl. One shattered soul is enough , I do not want someone else to face the same thing just because of me . I am shattered albeit winsome . I do not want someone to be broken like me .

When I know what I am going through I will never ever want someone to go through the same phase . I very well know the difficult situations you have to go through . Putting myself in the shoes of mine I therefore think it is not at all easy to go through this . Forget about love I will never ever want anyone to go through this , no matter what . Whether I love that person or not . it does not matters.

Well if I talk about my parents , yes I love them. I care for them . I want them to be happy . I also want them to give happiness to them what they deserve. I do not want them to be hurt . Who wants their parents to be hurt , and moreover the reason to be yourself . No one as;pires that.

According to me my parents will be happy staying away from me only . I know how much they love me . I very well know how much they care for me . From that I can conclude that they will get me me and come to know about the real reason being away from them . After knowing that they will not be good . They will be all the more disheartened. Which I cannot afford . Staying away from them makes them happy then I am ok with it only . They will be way more happy like this only .

And if I talk about Sam , I do not want to ruin her married life . Just because of me I do not want her to suffer. I very well know that she is happy with her best friend . She loves him , he loves her . Both of them love each other . And I do not want to enter into her life and be reason for chaos in her life . I do not want her to be in difficult situations . She will not be happy all the more seeing me .

I am very happy with Sanaya and Simran here . Sanaya older sister of mine loves me so much and I love her too , to the eternity . Simran my nice she is the key to my happiness . I just cannot imagine a day without her . I love her more than anyone . Even my parents . Simran has been my indirect moral support . She is the reason why I seem so cheerful . Or else I would have landed nowhere . It is she with whose smile my day starts and ends .

Fulfilling all her needs and desires gives me eternal peace . Her small small activities adds life to my livelihood . I just cannot imagine a day without her . She is the oxygen to my breathe . My sister is not aware of what had happened but she always keeps me happy every time . In spite of knowing that I am not being true them they still love me more than anything . They still welcome me no matter what . That is why we are family . Family is more in life than anything. It comes first.

What should I do?

Should I think of going back to India?

I want to go back to India, but I just cannot see her along with him.

I will not be able to handle that.

I know they live in Jaipur and I in Kolkata.

But you never know. I may encounter them. Who knows, what is going to happen?

By the way “DUNIYA ITNI BHI CHOTI NAE, KI HUM KABHI TAKRAYE NA”.

Yeah! There are possibilities of encountering her.

By the way, where does she lives now?

What does she do now?

Does she live in Hyderabad?

At that time we were working in TCS.

All these things happened that time only.

Later Shlok switched to some other place.

But wait, what is the factuality now?

They might be anywhere, leave.

I should not bother myself.

Why the hell, am I thinking.

It is none of my business.

I will not at all think about this.

Enough is enough. I have gone through a lot.

I should think about myself.

If she does not think about me, then why will I think about her?

I will also ignore her.

She might have forgotten me. She does not think about me anymore.

Why should I think about her?

But frankly speaking Samaira.

Since I left you, I have been constantly sad. My joy is to be near you. Incessantly I live over in my memory your caresses, your tears, and your affectionate solace. The charms of the incomparable rose k****e continually a burning and a glowing flame in my heart…. I thought that I loved you months ago, but since my separation from you, I feel that I love you a thousandfold more. I knew this but, what could I have done. Each day since I knew you, have I adored you more and more Samaira.