Shattered Albeit Winsome

#56

Samaira's point of view

Arnav getting feelings for you was not in my hand. Everything happened gradually. I had nothing in my hand.

It is rightly said when you are in love you do not have that idea, that you are in love. You do not even realize that. You like everything about that person. You happen to love him for every single reason. You do not have any reason to love him. I love you Arnav.

I love you so much.

I do not know why I love you? But my love for you is not at all fake. It is very true. My heart knows, how much I crave to meet you? How much I want to see you. How much I yearn.

I just cannot control my feelings. It has been five years since I have not seen you. I want to see, feel and do everything for you. I just hope God listens to me. Why God? Why?

Why do not you get me?

For once only, you pay heed to me.

All my wishes are gone to waste.

Nothing is turning right.

I so wish things, turn in my favor.

I want you back Arnav.

If I did anything wrong then I am extremely sorry.

I apologize to you for everything. Please forgive me. Please consider my words Arnav. Please come back, darling. I cannot live without you. Living without you is very much impossible for me.

I never thought this is going to take place. If I had a bit of a clue also, I would not have let things go out of my hand.

Before taking such a big step, you could have had, tell me freely what you wanted.

You could have told me what you feel. But never did you think of saying anything to me.

Why Arnav, why?

We were at least friends. For that friendship only, you could have exuded. But that thing never came to your mind.

How could you be so heartless?

When we are on a bond, both of them share mutual things. Both of them have equal rights. Both of them share equal rights. Both of them have that right to do things. But things should be mutual. One cannot take a sole decision. You just cannot take such decisions alone Arnav.

You should have had, a convoy with me.

Like seriously, did this never strike your mind?

How can you be like this?

The Arnav whom I knew, was never like this. He was very straightforward. He used to tell me things. He would never hide anything from me. He would tell me what he feels. He would not fake.

Then what happen to you Arnav? Why?

Do you even have that idea, how I feel?

For once also, you did not think about me.

Are you serious?

How do you feel about doing this? Does it not hurt you? Don’t you feel bad?

I have had, heard when feel says something wrong they do not feel good. Here you did wrong to me. How do you take a breath? Do you not feel like suffocating? If I were in your place, I would have died. I just cannot survive doing such a big thing.

Does your soul, inner voice, does not question you?

How can you be like this?

I never thought the guy, whom I consider my friend will turn out to be like this. I never thought.

I feel like, I never knew you.

You seem like a stranger to me.

If you are like this only. Then how could I not get you?

Why did you fake yourself?

Okay! We never confessed our feelings.

But you cannot deny, that you were also having that feeling.

Nothing was sole. We were having mutual feelings. Then how did you take this step?

You took such a big step but never looked back.

You never thought of turning back.

Did you not think, there is someone who needs an answer?

You owe answers to me Arnav.

My love has made me very selfish Arnav. I cannot live without you — I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again — my Life seems to stop there — I know, I cannot see you in person- I see no further. You have absorbed me. I am immersed with you. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving darling Arnav— I should be all the more miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. I should be afraid to separate myself far from you…. I still yearn to see you.

I would be martyred for my love — Love is my religion, caste, and creed — I could die for that – I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet — you have ravished me away by a Power I cannot control.

Should I figure my love Arnav, you the picture of my Heart, it would be what I wish you would Love; though it contained nothing fresh; the early possession you had there; and the absolute power you have ever maintained over it; leaves not the smallest place unoccupied. I look back to the former days of our acquaintance; and Friendship, as to the days of Love and Innocence; when everything was so pure and with an indescribable pleasure I have seen near a score of years roll over our Heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time — nor have the close years of absence in the smallest degree vanished from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart.

It looks to me, to myself, that no man was ever before to any woman what you are to me Arnav — the completeness must be in proportion, you know, to the place which empty…and only I know what was behind — the long wilderness without the blooming rose…and the capacity for joy, like a jet spacing hole, before this silver flooding. Is it wonderful that I should stand as in a dream, and disbelieve—not you—but my fate?

Was ever anyone taken suddenly from a lampless dungeon and placed upon the pinnacle of a mountain, without the head-turning over and the heart turning down, as mine do? And you love me more, you say? …. How shall I ever prove what my heart is to you Arnav? How will you ever see it as I feel it?

There is no single way to do so. I cannot do this.

Distance means so little to me because you are a special person to me and sometimes, people who are a thousand miles away from you makes you feel better than the people that are right next to you, and every time I miss you, I get in bed, reach out for my pillow and pretend it’s you but it never worked out for me as well as using you as my pillow gives me the best kind of satisfaction word cannot describe. My pillow is the proof of my illness which happened. It was the only companion when I was at a low. it knows all my secrets which my family dies not even know.

Distance is never the reason to fall out of love, in fact, I think when you are far away from your love you love them more and more. You will love the way you are in love. The desire to meet the person increases day by day. Can you just imagine living without that very person whom you were accustomed to. You daily used to see him every day. But now when that person is not there, you are empty . But that sense of emptiness is complete too. Though you are alone but a part of him is within you . That is the beauty of love . You are shattered but winsome.

Distance is never for the fearful, it is for the bold who are willing to spend a lot of time working towards spending a little time with the one they love, it is for those who value seeing a good thing for a brief moment no matter how long they have to wait for that moment to come. I know when either of us leaves to be away and keep us at a distance again, no matter how far we are from each other; nothing can change the feelings I have for you in my heart.

Couples out there think having a long distance relationship affect the quality of love and make it diminish over time especially when the communication is poor or not there at all but, I say to you, loving you from a distance has only tested how strong my feelings for you are and they keep getting stronger with each day that passes by. I find leverage in knowing that, sooner or later we will get to meet again and be a happy couple and if the only place where I get to keep you in my arms was in my dreams, I’ll never bother to wake up, I will sleep till the day after for.

Each and every day I wake up with a thought and a little hope in my heart that , yes today he will speak. But he did not . Year's went on , everything changed but that wait did not end. I waited and waited ... Was that wait fruitful, I think it was ... But for others it was not at all. Yes! people think that I am mad still waiting for him. But how shall I explain them that I just cannot forget him . No matter what happens, my feelings for him will not die .

Love has been said to have no boundaries and long distance relationships prove that it backs the claim that two people though thousands of miles away from each other can fall in love without having a physical contact. With this little hope I still hope and pray the love which we both have for each other is still alive . You still care for me . You still love me. Yo do want me in your life . You cannot live without me .Most importantly, this type of love sums up what agape love is all about as it knows no age nor distance. Love in a long distance relationship gets even better, cinematic and unreal when couples finally get to see as the host body gets flushed with series of emotions. Love, a smile, a tear, compassion, tender care are a sign of goodbye and welcome back attitude attributed to couples in a long distance relationship. For you and me, we don’t say goodbye because we know that one day, we will get to see each other again and make up for all the times we’ve been apart.

This little hope is what keeps me alive . I am with someone else now but mentally I am with you . Each and every part of my body is with you Arnav.

Loving someone from distance is the biggest challenge . You will rarely fall out of love when someone is already with you. But falling out of love is not at all easy feeling , I think it is most disheartening. You will not be able to believe that . Once you are out of love, you will not be able to believe, it happened.

The difficult job in love is to love someone even they are away from you. You do not know what do how to do. You purposely do not love someone. It just happens. Love just cannot be forced. Everything just happens gradually. If it is forced then it is not love.

Love cannot be forced. Love is love.

Every time I end a letter, I think of the thousand things I yet had to tell you. The only one I never leave out is that I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I could fill up thousands of pages with that one simple sentence. It fills my mind every day, all the time, everywhere.

You are my fix, your absence deprives me of energy, of oxygen Arnav. I hate it when we part when we say goodbye, I hate watching your silhouette fade away from my body. I am nothing without you, without your scent, without your skin. My Love, you are my life’s treasure, the most beautiful, the greatest, the most admirable, the most perfect in every way, Arnav.

I would do anything – anything – to make you happy, sometimes my thoughts even scare me Arnav… But I know you wouldn’t always like it and I want you to like me. I sometimes have awful fears; contradictory feelings.

I’m afraid that you’ll leave me, abandon me. I wouldn’t be able to take it. You are so dear to my heart, my soul would be too fragile to take such a blow. With you, I am flooded in happiness, flooded in love so true that I sometimes wonder if it’s real. I was having this fear and this fear of mine will come true.

I spend all day just thinking about us and how happy you make me feel. I don’t know what I would do without you; I love you so much. I hope you are happy. If there is anything that I could do to make you happy, let me know. I will try to be the best husband and take care of you. I will do everything I can to ensure your safety and keep you happy. Remember, I am just a call away. I love you, and I never want to forget this feeling.

After being in love for a few years, the regular gifts may not work. However, love letters have been working for centuries. Our grandparents and their great-grandparents made full use of love letters to keep the spark of love alive. Living far away from your girlfriend or wife can be unbearable, but a love letter is a silver lining. Try to write a love letter on your own, because we believe you might have picked up some great ideas from this post dedicated to a long-distance girlfriend or wife.

Do you have any clue how much I miss you these days? I wish to be the pillow you sleep on, so I could be next to you, always touching you softly as you snuggle up to it. You are gentle and caring towards me, and I cannot thank you enough for the love you have been showering on me. You just love me and never expect anything in return. But I want to tell you that I love you to the moon and back.

Although I have been busy working, every day I spend without you seems like a year. I promised that I would stay strong and go about my work. But, trust me, it is not an easy task. Leisure time and watching our favorite TV shows are no longer fun without you.

All that I want is your speedy comeback. Everything is great here, and my heart will be back at peace with your return. I must confess I never knew what love truly was until I met you. You showed me the power of love and its touch and the presence of its aura. I never imagined I could make a faithful connection with you. But you looked past my imperfections and built a sovereign love that sees beyond my weakness. I am dreaming of the day when we walk the aisle, hand-in-hand, and build our nest filled with love and only love. I love you in ways that words can hardly comprehend.