Falling Into Ruin.

No One Worth Remembering

[Ciaran’s POV]

Later, I lounge on the couch, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other, as the scent of my little mate continues to linger around me, taunting me and making me want to rip the f*****g city apart to find her and claim her as my own.

Fuck. Who knew that a mate bond could be so suffocating and so f*****g frustrating? If I had known, I would have turned and left the minute her delicious scent started enticing me. If I had just left, I wouldn’t have gotten to lose myself in it, to feel her warmth against me, or to even learn the cute expressions that she was capable of making.

“Dammit,” I growl, bringing the whiskey to my lips and chugging the rest of the burning liquid. “Get your s**t together, Ciaran.”

I wasn’t a man who was allowed to let himself indulge in such things. I didn’t live in a world where I could keep someone so weak and yet so strong beside me. I already knew that the best thing for us was for our paths to never cross again, and to make sure that we didn’t, I slipped her a drug that would ensure she forgot everything. Come morning, she wouldn’t remember our encounter, wouldn’t remember me killing a man with my bare hands in front of her, and wouldn’t remember that I existed.

Shit. It hurt to even think that she wouldn’t be haunted with the memories like me, and it pissed me off that I was even feeling like this.

No. I wasn’t going to just sit around and wallow in self-pity. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t some dumb lovesick f**k that would pine after a single woman or give two shits where she was or what she was doing.

Getting myself together, I pull out my phone and begin to scroll through my messages until I find the number that I’m wanting, and before I can second-guess anything, I’m dialing.

“Hello,” the one on the other end purrs after the second ring. “Did you miss me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I chuckle, leaning back in my seat and taking a drag of my cigarette. “Who the f**k would miss a woman like you?”

“Many,” she responds, completely unoffended by what I’ve said. “But if you didn’t miss me, why are you calling?”

“Because I need some relief.” I husk, knowing that once I filled my apartment with the scent of another woman and enveloped my senses in the touch and taste of her, I would easily forget the fleeting moments I had with my mate. “You’ve got thirty minutes to get here. If you’re not on time, you know the punishment.”

“Mmmm,” she giggles. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, baby.”

“I assure you it won’t be a good time.” I tell her, looking over at the door that hides my dark room. “I can promise you that.”

“Alright, alright.” She huffs. “I’ll be there in twenty. Happy?”

“Very.”

Satisfied, I hang up and head to the kitchen, where I grab a beer and take a swig. Honestly, I didn’t know why the hell I even bothered drinking since I knew that no amount of alcohol would dull anything, but I guess tonight, I was wanting to be normal. I wasn’t wanting to be some monster that lurks in the shadows, hiding from the humans that roam the streets around me, completely oblivious to what I actually am. I wanted to be normal and to be able to have normal relationships and to make my own choices instead of being left to do another’s bidding.

Fuck you, Kieran. I think as my brother's smug mug pops in my head. This is all because of you.

No. It wasn’t because of him. It was because of my not wanting to take on the responsibility of a leader. The minute I decided that I didn’t want anything to do with that life or that world, I became nothing more than an underling, and until this point I didn’t have that much of an issue with it. Hell, even now I didn’t, this regret and longing were just fleeting emotions that would disappear with time.

“Dumb, schmuck.” I sigh, downing the rest of my beer and grabbing another. “You’re acting like a f*****g fool.”

Taking a swig of my drink, I head into the living room and then take a seat where I wait until the buzzer to the elevator goes off and Reina’s seductive voice calls to me.

“Let me up.” She calls as I get up from my seat and hit the button to allow her to come to me.

“Get in.” I growl, happy that my distraction was here but feeling slightly off about it too.

A few minutes later, the elevator is opening, and Reina is strolling toward me dressed in a trench coat, which I’m almost certain isn’t hiding clothes beneath.

“What?” She asks as I eye her. “Aren’t you going to get up and greet me?”

“Have I ever been one to do that?” I ask, getting more comfortable and waiting until she is climbing on top of me. “Are you mistaking me for one of your other men?”

“How could I?” She murmurs, getting comfortable. “No one can make me scream quite like you.”

“Oh yeah?” Smirking, I slide my arms around her and pull her against me. “Are you actually admitting that you’re f*****g other men while you’re f*****g me?”

Feeling my annoyance spike, I stand and head toward my dark room, where I deposit Reina onto a bench unceremoniously.

“Arms and legs out,” I order, watching as she smiles up at me, her eyes sparkling with excitement over what is about to happen.

“Am I being punished for not being faithful to you?” She pouts, though she isn’t apologetic at all. “Maybe if you kept me close, I wouldn’t… AH!”

I don’t give her a chance to finish what she is saying before I’m roughly cuffing her wrists and ankles, then stepping back to take her in.

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?” I ask, pulling my pocket knife out and pressing it against the first button of her coat. “The more your mouth moves, the more pissed off I seem to become.”

“Then maybe you should shut me up.” She challenges.

“I see you’ve decided that you’re going to be a brat this evening.” I murmur, cutting one, two, then three buttons so that her angel-touched breasts come into view. “That’s too bad; I was willing to be kind to you, but since you want to test my patience while I’m already in a shitty mood, I guess that won’t be happening.”

“Aw,” she whimpers as I run the edge of my blade against her skin until I reach the next button. “Who has you in a mood?”

At her question, my little mate's face pops in my head, causing my wolf to whine with need and my d**k to throb with anticipation.

“No one worth remembering.”