Awaken: Book two of Fallen Series

Chapter Four

“Again” Death shouted, his tone hard and sharp. Does that mad man even know what he’s been asking of me? I may be an angel now, and my morals may be a little different because of that fact, but I still had some of the same moral codes. I mean seriously. Something was seriously messed up in death's head. He had test subjects for me. Humans he kept picking up from the human realm. He thought since the apocalypse began it was okay for me to practice my gifts on them. Give them plague, reverse it. Cause death, reverse it. Infect them with bloodlust for war, reverse it. Do you know how many times I’ve failed? How many people I’ve killed in an attempt to achieve my goals?

Pestilence’s gifts were somewhat easier than the others. Not as difficult. Healing mortal injuries, I’m good at. Reversing death? I was not even close to figuring at. I’ve successfully revered bloodlust a total of once. This was hard. Death, being death was mostly having me working on hi gifts. He couldn’t have me working on the others because he didn’t have their gifts to teach me, not really. He knew the basic concepts of it, but that was all.

“This is wrong. You know that, right?” I asked, waving a hand and taking the young man's life yet again.

“He was meant to die anyway. Either by your hand or Pestilence’s does not matter.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved his comment off. A comment he has said many, many times before. One I was beginning to grow quite tired of hearing.

“Speaking of. How is my brother?” death stood straighter, his green eyes boring into mine..

“Insane, but otherwise fine.” I shrugged.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning he took a human woman as his pet.” I shuddered. “The poor thing. She was absolutely petrified.”

“You mean he took a companion? That is not odd for one of our kind.”

“Except that he called her a pet, not a companion.” I pointed out with a scowl.

“I see”

He stood there silently; his eyes seemingly distant as he thought over my words. He didn’t seem too bothered by what I told him. It again made me wonder what was wrong with him. He seriously had some twisted sense of morals. Yes, he was a horseman. I got it. He thought humanity was evil. They needed judgement. But keeping one as a pet? Really? How was that right in any sense? It kinda made me wonder if the others were as twisted as the two I’ve already met.

War had to be messed up in the head. It was literally his job to cause chaos wherever he went. I mean did he bring war with him? Like did he bring armies with him and terrorize towns? Did he bring cities to their knees with a wave of his hands like pestilence? Or did his presence just cause some kind of chain reaction? Like did his presence bring out some deep-seeded anger in people and make them go berserk?

And why of all the people was it my job to keep these people safe? Why couldn’t they just defend themselves? Why allow them to be tortured like pestilence had been? That was cruel. They were sent to earth to do a job assigned to them. I understood the need to keep the divine secret. Well, kind of a secret. It’s not like we weren’t told about. It was written plain as day in the bible. Word for word what would happen. Sorta. Things were missing. Translations were lost over the years. Parts of the scripture left out of the pages due to fear.

Fear is a funny thing, isn’t it? It could make you do truly terrible things. Look at what was done to pestilence. They feared him. Feared what he was doing and what he could do. They feared what they couldn’t understand. Things would only get worse for him. Then worse still for war, famine and then death. My eyes instantly drifted to death, my father. How the people treated pestilence, my supposed uncle angered me. What would happen if I witnessed something like that happen to my father? No maybe they couldn’t touch him. But there were loopholes. There were always loopholes. The universe has to have balance. I was powerful, but I was still untrained, and no more or less powerful than my father or the others. I couldn’t use more than one gift at a time. I couldn’t heal and attack at the same time. So, if something happened to someone I’d have to choose between healing or attacking someone else. What if someone I loved was dying while someone else, I loved was in a position to be killed? What was I supposed to do? I was just as helpless as anyone else.

“Belle?” Michael’s voice reached me a second before the warmth of his body encompassed me. “Are you alright my star?”

I beamed up at him at his nickname for me. “I’m fine. Just thinking.” I murmured, snuggling into his chest. Michael chuckled and kissed the top of my head, pressing my face into his chest gently.

“As much as I would adore staying here like this, you have unfinished business with Lucifer.” He told me, his voice soft. I winced. I was aware. I had been intentionally avoiding Lucifer. I knew we needed to talk about Theseus. Theseus. Lucifer’s son. I just couldn’t get over the fact he had a son he didn’t tell me about. A son he kept from me. More than that. He had a son he had abandon. How could I be sure he wouldn’t abandon our son or daughter? Does he know the doubts he has put in my mind?

“I know.” I finally groaned crestfallen.

“Everything will be alright.” Michael once again kissed the crown of my head. “Lucifer is waiting for you in the foyer.”

“Okay.” I pulled away from Michael and stood on my tip toes and pulled him down to me so I could kiss him gently. “I’ll be back shortly.”

“Take your time my star. I shall be here when you return.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to talk anymore. I was too anxious to speak. Talking to Lucifer about this wasn’t something I wanted to do. I know I needed to, we needed to get past this somehow. Despite being an angel, a celestial and him being Lucifer. A fallen angel. The first fallen angel, I loved him. A sin. A major, major sin. But I didn’t care. I did however care about his deception. I knew he was a manipulator. I knew he lied and he had done unspeakable things in hell to get what he needed done. But never did I think he would use those abilities on me. Never did I think he would deceive me. Not about something as big as this. Not at all. I should be the last person he should want to deceive. I would have accepted Theseus. I would have accepted he had a son. Lucifer didn’t know me as well as I thought he did if he thought for a second, I would reject him for having a son. In fact, I would have insisted to meet his son. Insisted to get his son’s approval of me. Not that, that was possible. His son despised him. And I couldn’t blame him. Lucifer abandoned him as if he were nothing more than a piece of garbage. And that right there is what hurt most. What scared me most. How could a father, a real father. Just abandon his child? Death, my father had an excuse. He didn’t know I existed. My birth mother hid me well. And we were still unaware of who actually helped hide me. I doubt we would ever know who hid me.

With a heavy sigh I stepped into the foyer to see Lucifer sitting by a large window. He was staring out into death’s odd realm. His realm really was beautiful. Odd as it was. You would think with him being death it would be all greys and black and dreary. But no. The grass was bright and beautiful green. Almost unnaturally so. Vibrant flowers bloomed in scattered patches all over. Tress, always in full bloom shadowed the grounds around us, but somehow never blocked the sun from reaching death’s castle. Yes, castle. It felt and looked like it was always spring time here. Except for one thing. The sky was an amazing pink, purple color that never ceased to amaze me. And the sun, though yellow like the human sun. It cast an orange glow in the sky as if it was in a constant sunset. At night, lights much bright than the northern lights lit up the skies in greens, pinks and blues. Stars brighter than earths could ever hope to be shone down on the earth like thousands of tiny diamonds. And the moon, vibrant and beautiful sapphire in color. I loved it here.

“Lucifer?” My voice was soft, his names barely a whispered breath. He heard it though, his head snapping up and his sad golden eyes meeting mine. That was another reason I was avoiding him. The sadness in his eyes. It pierced my heart like thousands of tiny knives. Though it was his own fault, it caused me pain to see him in such despair.

“Belle.” He said my name with so much pain it stole my breath. He stood, slowly making his way over to me. His rough callused hands caressed my face and despite myself I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. It felt so good to feel his skin on mine again. “My beautiful Belle.” He pulled me into his arms squeezing me to his chest so tightly it felt as if he was going to break me. Just as I was about to say something he let go and gripped my hand tightly. “Come.” He murmured, leading me over to the window where he was just sitting.

I followed behind him slowly. I hadn’t noticed the small picnic type table he had spread before him. How long did he expect us to be here? There were small sandwiches. Fruit, soda and water. He even brought some granola bars and candy since he knew I had just got done training and needed some sugar. But there was soda, so there was that too. But what made butterflies flutter was he had also packed my favorite dessert. Dutch apple pie.

“Belle, thank you. For coming. For letting me explain.” He looked down at the food, refusing to meet my eyes.

“Lucifer, if you want to talk about this. If you want to explain yourself. You need to look me in the eye. I need to know and I need to see the truth of it in your eyes.” I told him, forcing my voice to stay steady and strong. It took everything in me to keep my voice that way. When his eye finally did meet mine, I saw determination mixed with his pain.

“After my brothers invaded my mind and made me kill the woman, I loved so long ago I was overcome with heartache, despair, anger and betrayal. So much anger and betrayal.” He closed his eyes briefly clenching his fists tightly. He opened his eyes and met mine. “I wanted to spite them, and in my pain my mind was clouded. I couldn’t, think straight. I did not want to. I did not want to feel what came with a clear mind. So, I slept with another. I regretted it the moment afterwards. I had betrayed the woman I had loved. Disgraced her memory. That was when I started planning my revenge. My uprising. Michael and the others were forced to throw me from heaven, which only made their betrayal that much worse, made my pain that much worse.”

His eyes were shimmering now, unshed tears he refused to let fall filling his eyes. “She came to me and told me she was pregnant. I got angry; told her I wanted nothing to do with the child. I never expected her to abandon him the way she did. Had I known I would have taken him in. I never would have allowed him to be left the way she had done.” He shook his head angrily.

“You never should have rejected the child in the first place Lucifer.” I reprimanded. “He was, he is your child. Regardless if he was created out of anger or spite. He is your blood, your son. He deserved to have his father. Do you know the doubts this puts in my mind?” I asked, my eyes never leaving his. “How am I supposed to believe you won’t abandon our child should we have one?”

“I would never.” He argued, his voice hardening.

“Really? You abandon Theseus. How would our child be any different? Because we are soul mates? Blood is blood Lucifer. A child is a child no matter who the child is with. You made the child. You should take responsibility for the child. And you want me to believe you will take responsibly for our child should we have one?”

“I was in a bad place Belle.” Lucifer told me, his voice sounded defeated.

“And when your mind cleared of all the pain and betrayal?” I asked. “Did you try and contact him? try and get to him at all?”

“How could I? He was in heaven. I am not allowed to return and he could not come to me without falling.”

“I would have fallen without a second thought if it meant I could have a family. I’m sure Theseus would have done the same.” I told him softly. I reached over and caressed his cheek. “You don’t understand what it’s like to not have anyone. Yes you lost your brothers, but you did have them. For many, many years. Theseus never has anyone. I understand where he is coming from, I understand what he is feeling. It’s painful Lucifer. To feel unwanted. To feel as if you are so unlovable not even your parents want you.”

“I never meant to hurt him in such a way.”

“Somehow I know.” I told him softly, shaking my head sadly. “All of you archangels need to pay more attention to your emotions. We are building a relationship on quicksand. If we are not careful, we will sink. And where we will go from there, even I don’t know. None of us can have a relationship with the other if you do not understand the emotions behind the relationship.”

“What are you saying?” Lucifer’s hand shot up and grasped mine tightly.

“I’m saying we all need to be careful about where we go and what path we take.” I smiled at him, grabbing his hand and pulling it to my mouth to kiss it softly.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” He asked, hope flaring in his eyes.

“This means you have my forgiveness, but not my trust. That you will have to earn back. You lied to me, deceived me. I can’t just let that go.”

“I understand.” He said solemnly. “I will earn your trust I will prove you can depend on me once again.”

“I sure hope so.” I admitted softly. “Because I love you and I really and truly do not want to lose you.”

“You could never lose me, dear one.” He pulled me into his arms, pressing to his chest. “I would spend an eternity repenting if that was what it takes.”