Mistakes We Made

Chapter Six - Emma

Viewings usually go one of two ways: either they are so packed that you barely have room to breathe or there is scarcely anyone there. Jace's was the second option and honestly, most of the people that were there had only shown up out of respect for his family, very few were actually there because they cared about him. Truth be told, he didn't have many friends. Really, he only two and they were both in the wreck him that night. Tommy Peters had two broken legs and would need serious physical therapy, while Garret Johnson had staples in his head and some cracked ribs. Both boys were badly bruised up, but would make a full physical recovery. However, mentally and emotionally, they would never be the same. Those three boys had been friends ever since they were in diapers, they were inseparable when we were growing up.

For me, the decision to attend the viewing was an easy one. How could I not go? He was my friend once, someone I cared about, I couldn't ignore that. I couldn't pretend that he was never apart of my life. Then, there was his family to think about. Melissa was so incredibly kind to me after my grandmother passed away, there was no way that I would not return the favor during her time of need. And of course, there was Kade. The boy who first held my heart and probably always would own a piece of it. I would never forgive myself if I didn't reach out to him when he'd just lost his little brother and his best friend.

When I stepped into the dull, gray building, I couldn't help but sigh. I hated funeral homes, but it was too late to back out. Although at that moment, I was really wishing I would have stayed home. My grandmother had been gone for only two months. The last place I wanted to be was at another funeral. I was tired of dealing with death.

Right away, I recognized most of the people in the room, but I guess that's what happens when you grow up in a small town. You get to know everyone. A few of them raised an eyebrow at me, obviously none of them had been expecting me to make an appearance. However, no one said a word, after all we were at a viewing. But I had no doubt that they'd whisper about me as soon as they were outside. I simply gave them all a small, pleasant smile as I made my way around and greeted a few, after all my grandmother did raise me to be polite.

I spoke to old Ms. Harrison first, even though I didn't really like her all that much. She had been Jace's neighbor his entire life and although, she adored his parents and his older brother, she had despised him. Jace had a habit of destroying her prized roses when he was younger, he thought it was hilarious to watch her face turn bright red, when she realized he had once again chopped her rose bushes down. Even as he grew, he continued to terrorize the poor lady. He never gave her a break. She would wake up some mornings to find that he had driven into her yard in the middle of the night and cut donuts on her freshly mowed grass or that he had taken her underwear off of her clothes line and strung them up the flagpole. She sniffed and dabbed a tissue under her nose, "He was a heathen, but he didn't deserve to die like that." She shook her head and patted my arm comfortingly, as if saying that made up for everything.

I passed Mrs. Jenkins, one of the local 5th grade teachers, next. She was as old as dirt and had taught almost every child in our town, Jace included. She, like Ms. Harrison, had not found Jace's antics to be humorous at all. He had spent most of that year in the principal's office. He had never given her a moment's peace, he always kept her on her toes but even she was heartbroken by the tragedy that had befallen our town. She gave me a hug and then I moved on to join the line of people who wanted to see the family and say goodbye to Jace.

Since there were not many people present, the line moved fairly quickly. I was standing before the family within 5 minutes. They were all standing in a row, greeting people as they came by. The first in line was Ella, Jace's soon-to-be sister-in-law. She was standing proudly next to Kade, her appearance flawless as usual. Not one speck of make up was out of place, which I found slightly odd given the circumstances, but hey, who am I to judge? She was preoccupied speaking to someone from our church, but I didn't mind. I really didn't know the girl. Kade met her while he was attending UGA and she moved back with him after they graduated. I had only spoke to her once and I got the feeling that she was not my biggest fan, but I suppose no one really wants to talk to their boyfriend’s ex- girlfriend.

I gladly bypassed speaking to her and made my way to Kade. He looked older, more mature, and even though I didn't think it was possible, even more handsome than he was five years before. He seemed surprised to see me, but he, nevertheless, opened his arms for a hug. I stepped into his embrace and suddenly felt 18 again. My world once revolved around the man standing before me, I thought that he hung the moon and the stars. Being held by him made me miss the way things use to be before he broke my heart, before everything happened with Rae and Jace, before all the secrets, but even though our close proximity my chest ache painfully, I didn't let go.

"What are you doing here, Emma?" He whispered into my ear.

"I'm not here to cause problems, I promise. I just wanted to say goodbye," I pulled away and looked into his eyes, hoping he could see that I was being sincere. I gave his arm a gentle squeeze, "I know how much Jace meant to you and I'm sorry that you're having to go through this.”

"Thank you." He gave me a weak smile, then I moved on to speak with his mother and father. They, too, seemed shocked to see me, it had been years after all since I’d shared more than a polite hello with their sons, but they each hugged me and thanked me for being there.

“I'm glad you came by. Jace would have loved to see you,” Melissa whispered and I choked up, but I refused to cry. Not now, not with all these witnesses.

“I'm sorry that I didn't go see him sooner,” I replied, and I truly was.

Then, before I knew it, there I was, standing in front of the wooden casket that held Jace Michael McCauley. I let out a shaky breath as I took a step forward and peeked inside. He was lying on the white satin linen, pale and still. All I could do was stare, it was him, but at the same time, it wasn't. The boy lying before me looked exactly like Jace, but it wasn't him. It couldn't be.

His brown locks that had always been a mess, were now neatly combed. His signature ball cap was missing, but I guess that's because that ratty baby blue hat didn't match his Sunday's best, which he was dressed in even though his preferred wardrobe was a pair of faded Levi jeans and a worn out t-shirt. His gorgeous green eyes that use to sparkle with mischief were now closed forevermore. That big mouth of his which had yelled out so many smart remarks and gotten him into trouble on countless occasions was in a straight line, even though he was rarely seen without a smile on his face. He was handsome, even in death, and even if he didn't look like he always had. I brushed a strand of hair out of his face as I bit back a sob. This was it.

This was the last time I would ever see him. I'd never again see that arrogant smirk he always wore or see him choking back laughter as he did something he knew he shouldn't do. He'd never be able to walk or talk again. He'd never again see his family... or Rae. There was so much I had wanted to say to him, so much I needed to say, and now, I'd never have the chance. I'd let my pride get in the way, I should have reached out to him sooner… I should have done something.

Tears began to prick my eyes, threatening to spill over. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep them at bay much longer, so I moved away from the casket, muttering, "Excuse me" as I weaved through groups of people speaking, and went straight to the bathroom. Only once I was safely locked inside a stall did I allow myself to finally break down and mourn the death of my friend.

"Why'd you have to go and be such an i***t?" I asked the air through my tears, wishing he could answer me, wishing for something that I could never have.

It took a good 15 minutes, but I finally regained my composure. I used a paper towel to remove the make-up from my face, I wasn't sure why I had even bothered with it in the first place. I knew I was going to end up crying, which would give me raccoon eyes, yet I had still applied eyeliner and mascara. After I finished cleaning the black streaks off of my face, I gave myself a once over in the mirror before smoothing out my dress and deciding that it was time for me to leave. I couldn't handle being in that building much longer. I stepped out of the bathroom and took a quick glance around, there was a hallway to my right that had an exit sign at the top of it. If I went that way, it would take me out the side of the building which would mean that I would have to walk around to the parking lot in the afternoon heat. However I decided that I would rather endure the scorching Georgia sun than to go back through the small sea of people – and by the casket – to reach the front door.

I had been to viewings at that particular funeral home before, both of my grandparents included, so I had a decent idea about where I was going. I walked past a few doors, one was a storage closest, another led to a kitchen and the third was an office. I could spot the metal door at the end of the hall, a red exit sign hanging above it. I was about halfway there, when I felt someone grab onto my arm and yank me sideways. Before I could even react, I was pulled into the kitchen and the door was closed behind me. I turned to my attacker, ready to lay into them. A few choice words were on the tip of my tongue, but all of the ugly names died on my lips when I turned to face them. There stood Kade McCauley, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black pants, and what could only be described as an amused smirk on his lips.

I couldn't exactly yell at the guy who's brother had just died so instead I said, "A simple, "Emma can I talk to you for a minute?" would have sufficed just fine. You didn't have to kidnap me."

He rolled his eyes, he use to tell me I was overly dramatic about things, I was guessing he probably still thought that. But come on, the guy had just pulled me into a room instead of asking nicely, wouldn't you call that a little over the top?

"Why exactly are you here Emma?" He sounded curious and slightly suspicious. I guess I couldn't blame him for that. I probably would have been suspicious too.

"I told you, I didn't come to stir up rumors or cause problems." I reminded him.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Look Jace was an ass, alright? Half the time I couldn't stand him and I'm pretty sure everyone knows that ... But I loved him. He was one of my best friends in high school," My voice began to crack, "And there were things I needed to say to him and now I'll never be able to, I just needed a chance to say goodbye.. and I came, because of you,” I whispered the last part, through my tears “Because I know that you're trying to be strong for your parents even though this is killing you."

With tears in his eyes, Kade pulled me to his chest and held me tight. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, soaking his white shirt with tears. His body shook as he finally released the tears that he had been trying so hard to hold back. Kade was always the type of person who wanted to look out for everyone else. He always seemed to have it all together and I think that sometimes, people forgot that he needed someone to lean on too. So I tried to be that person for him, even if only for a moment. When he finally pulled away, I forced myself to dry it up and I apologized profusely. His brother had just died and there I was, blubbering like a baby. I should have comforted him, not stain his shirt with my tears. He wiped his own eyes and took a deep breath.

"Thank you for coming tonight, Jace would have appreciated it." Kade told me sincerely.

I quirked up an eyebrow at him and said, “No he wouldn't have.”

To my surprise, Kade chuckled, “He always was a little ungrateful, wasn't he?”

I gently nudged his side, “Just a smidge.”

Kade's smile slowly faded and he turned to me, his eyes full of sorrow, “I miss him.”

“I know you do,” I whispered. There were no words of comfort that I could offer him. I could have lied and told him that it would get easier, but it never truly does and I wouldn't give him false hope.

He leaned towards me and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, “Thank you,”

I brushed a strand of dark hair out of his face, “Take care of yourself, Kade,”

I turned away to leave, but he spoke again, “Have you heard from Rae?”

“She's flying in from Alabama tonight,” I said, turning around to share the information I had only just found out a few hours before. I was shocked when she called to tell me that she was coming home and even more so when she asked to stay with me. Rae had not been back to Georgia since she left nearly five years ago to live with her Aunt Nora after her and Jace broke up. I suppose that grief can make you do strange things… like for instance, it can make you cry in the arms of your ex, when said ex has a fiancee in the same building. You know, things like that.

“Are y'all going to come to the funeral tomorrow?”

I shook my head, “I don't think so. That's more family and close friends and well…” I trailed off. Neither Rae nor myself had been much of anything to Jace in recent years.

“Y’all should come.”

“Kade, I don't..” I started to say.

But he cut me off, “Please Em, for Jace… and for me,”

Well I couldn't very well say no to that, now could I?

“I'll talk to Rae,” I said, because I couldn't make promises on her behalf. He nodded his head. I gave his arm a light squeeze and I turned to leave once more. I made it to the door before he spoke again.

“Hey Em, thank you for coming. It means a lot to me.”

I offered him a smile, “I'll see you tomorrow,” I promised. Even if Rae didn't feel up to attending, I knew that I would go. I always did have a hard time turning down Kade McCauley when he wanted something.