Mistakes We Made

Chapter Four - Emma

You know the kind of mornings that are just plain terrible? Where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong? That's how my Monday was. My alarm didn't go off, so I woke up 30 minutes late and had to rush to get John and myself ready. And of course, John was grouchy because he did not want to go to school. He whined about what I gave him for breakfast (Lucky Charms cereal, he wanted pancakes), what I dressed him in (he couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him wear a sweatshirt in 90° weather), and not being able to take his toys to school. Then, in my haste to get out the door, I spilled coffee all over my scrub bottoms, which meant I had change AND that I didn't get my daily dose of caffeine.

I dropped John off at Cross County Elementary school and then drove across town to the doctor's office that I worked in as a certified medical assistant. For the most part, I liked it. The people I worked with were nice enough, the hours were not bad, and it paid the bills, so I had nothing to complain about. I didn't plan to do it forever, I eventually wanted to go back to school to become a registered nurse, but until I could do that, the job suited me.

“Good morning, Emma,” Deana, one of nurses, said when I walked in. She was the first one there, as always. She was 45, single, and had two children off at school. She said her home was too quiet now, so she got to work early and stayed late.

“Morning,” I smiled and made a beeline toward the coffee pot.

A moment later Amber, the other nurse who was only 2 years older than me, walked in and greeted us. She plopped down in one of the chairs at the reception desk, “Did y'all hear about that there was a terrible wreck last night near the county line?”

I shook my head, but Deana nodded and said, “I saw it on the news this morning. They said one boy from around here was killed.”

“That's awful! Have they said who?” I asked, propping up against the wall beside the reception area.

“I haven't heard yet,” Amber replied.

“Morning ladies,” Dr. Dawson Mitchell called out as he stepped into the office. Like me, he went straight to the coffee pot.

“Good morning,” We responded together.

“Dr. Mitchell, have you heard anything about the wreck last night? Do you know who was killed?” Deana asked.

“I heard on the radio right before I came in that it's Melissa and Eddie McCauley's son,” My boss said while filling his cup.

My heart stopped. I could hear the quiver in my voice as I asked, “Which one?”

He turned to look at me, as if sensing that he was about to turn my life upside down, “The younger one, Jace.”

My knees buckled and I had to grip the back of the chair that I was next to so that I wouldn't fall over. Oh my God. I stood there, frozen, unable to move or speak. It had to be a mistake. Dr. Mitchell must've heard wrong. It couldn't have been Jace, he couldn't possibly be gone.

Not Jace. It can't be Jace. Please, please, don't let it be him.

“Oh God,” Amber’s eyes grew wide. She had been friends with Kade in high school, which meant that by default she was friends with Jace who, even though he was two years younger, seemed to fit in better with his brothers friends than he did with kids his own age.

“I think I need some air,” I mumbled and made my way to the back door before anyone could respond.

Not Jace. Not Jace. It can't be true.

I pushed open the side entrance and took a gulp of air. Deep breathes, I reminded myself. I leaned against the building for support and focused on my breathing, on anything other than the news I had just heard.

“Don't cry, don't cry,” I chanted. I knew that if the tears started, I wouldn't be able to make them stop.

The door opened once again and Dr. Mitchell joined me outside. He laid a hand on my shoulder, “I'm sorry about your friend,”

That's when the dams burst. Tears spilled from my eyes, racing down my cheeks as it sank in that yet another person I loved was gone. My boss wrapped an arm around me in a hug and patted my back, comforting me like he would a child - which only made me cry harder.

“Why don't you go on home, Emma,” He suggested.

I shook my head and stepped out of his embrace. I took a few deep breaths to dry up my tears - because how embarrassing and unprofessional! I had just cried in the arms of my 40 year old boss, “I'll be fine. I just need a minute,”

“Go on home, doctor's orders.”

“I can't leave you short handed,” I argued, swiping my tears. What little makeup I had put on that morning was surely gone thanks to my crying fest.

“We'll be fine. Take a mental health day.”

“But..”

He held up his hand to stop me, “You're not going to do us any good here. Your head won't be in it.”

I couldn't argue with him there. There was no way that I would think of anything besides Jace all day. But that didn't mean I wanted to go home and be alone with my thoughts either. That would only serve to make me more depressed. Yet, I decided to go because I knew that even though I didn't want to face it, I had to.

I didn't go home right away. Instead, I drove aimlessly around town - past the high school and the football stadium where I'd spent many Friday nights cheering for Jace and the rest of the team, by the Grove, which was just a field of old pecan trees, where I had gone to parties with him, Rae, and Kade, and then I drove by his house, which caused the tears start up again. I'd practically lived there the summer after I graduated, up until Kade and I split up. I could still picture Jace at 18, chasing Rae and I through the living room with a squirt gun (his mother was not particularly happy about that). How could it be that he was gone?

When I got home, I did nothing. I sat on the couch and stared at my phone. I thought about looking for an article about the wreck - but I wasn't ready to know the details yet. I thought about calling Kade, I wanted to… but what could I possibly say? I had not talked to him in five years, I couldn't just suddenly call him up to see how he was doing. He wouldn't want to hear from me anyhow. Then, I thought about calling Melissa, but I knew from personal experience, that she didn't want to hear from anyone. She had just lost her son, the last thing she needed was for everyone in town to call her to talk about Jace. However, I knew there was one person I needed to call. One person who probably had no clue about the tragedy that had transpired that morning. So even though I did not want to be the bearer of bad news, I had no choice. I was the only person who would do it.

“Hello?” Her voice came from the other end of the line.

“Rae, it's Emma,”

There was a pause. I guess she was surprised to hear from me and I can't say that I blame her. We had only spoke a handful of times in the past five years, not that we were good friends to begin with, but ever since our freshman year of college things between us were even more strained. After a moment, she said, “Hey Em...is everything okay?”

I bit my lip and blinked to keep the tears at bay, “No, no it's not.”

“What's wrong? Is it John?” I could hear the concern in her voice.

“John's fine… it's Jace.”

I heard her suck in a breathe. Obviously he was still a sore subject with her, despite all the time that had passed. I waited another a minute, but she stayed quiet.

“Rae?”

“What about him?” She asked, her tone was sharp.

“He was in a car wreck early this morning… and he didn't make it. I'm so sorry Rae.”

“Wha-what? Are you serious?”

“I'm so sorry,” I whispered, I didn't know what else to say.

“No,” She said, and then her voice rose, “No, no, no, no, no. You've got to be wrong. This is just some mistake right?”

A lump formed in my throat, “I wish it was,”

Oh God, how I wish it was.

“That jerk, that stupid, selfish, jerk,” She said, but her voice cracked and then the sobbing started, “I hate him so much,”

“I know,” I replied, as my own tears once again started to flow, and I did know. I knew that Jace could be the biggest butt that you ever met and Rae had ever right to hate him. She wanted so badly to hate him for everything he put her through.

“But Em, I still love him too,”

“I know,” I repeated and I really did.

No matter how crazy he drove her, he would always be her first love. He’d always be special and he would always hold a piece of her heart. I understood it, because if I'm being honest I felt the same way about my first love.