The Edge of Hope

Chapter 2

Hope’s shift came to an end in a blink of an eye with no more disasters. She jumped straight into a lukewarm shower, her forehead resting against the cold tiles. Her first submission date was in just over two months, and she had just wasted that same amount of time on not writing anything except a title.

Once she’d put on comfortable clothes, she sat down in front of her laptop with a bowl of leftover macaroni and cheese and rested her fingertips on the keyboard, but they remained paralyzed. Dr Knight’s voice drifted through her head. “I believe you have your intro.”

Hope scoffed and took a bite of her food, completely tasteless to her.

“Intro, my ass.”

She had somewhat remembered her words to the doctor about what her topic was. It came so easily, and yet now, in front of her, it wouldn’t come out. It had nearly completely disappeared from her memory.

Hope opened the browser and searched for the best way to start an essay as if she were applying for university all over again. It felt so juvenile but she was so desperate at this stage.

After what seemed to be hours, all the articles gave the same information. Introductions are just that, an introduction. Explain what you will be discussing, why you want to discuss it and how you will resolve it.

She leaned back in her chair in frustration and nearly fell backwards. She caught herself on the edge of the desk and let out a small giggle.

As she corrected herself, a soft meow sounded from her open window. Her next-door neighbour’s black cat, Pixie, jumped in and waltzed towards her with her tail high up in the air.

“Hey, girl,” Hope cooed. She scratched the fluffy cat behind her ears, feeling the soft rumble of her purr by her fingertips. It was a comforting sensation and now calmed Hope’s still racing heart from nearly falling over.

“I think it’s time we went to sleep.”

Pixie used to often spend the nights with Hope, not that she minded at all. She kept some food and water out for her at all times and also assured the neighbour she didn’t mind having the cat over. She had mentioned she wanted to adopt the cat but the neighbour didn’t take that joke very well.

Hope climbed into bed, Pixie curling in next to her and drifted off into a sound sleep, dreams filled with kind brown eyes and leftover notes. She hadn’t been aware, but a few stray tears had stained her pillow, right next to many others that had spilt over the years.

“Tomorrow will be a better day,” said Dr Knight before drifting off from Hope’s dream.

And he was right. The next morning, when she arrived at work, there he sat. At the same table, with the same book and chaos surrounding him.

She approached him to take his order, but he beat her to it.

“I’ll have the continental breakfast again, please.”

He looked up at her and she noticed that his eyes seemed tired, more so than yesterday. He took a deep breath before speaking again, this time in a softer tone.

“I’d also like to find out when you’re off. I’m sure you don’t have a lot of time until your first submission date. We best get started if you want to make it.” Dr Knight smiled and handed the menu back to Hope, her mouth slightly parted and eyes wide.

Hope squealed, earning her a funny look from Mr Longwood and a few other patrons she didn’t recognize. She cleared her throat and breathed out.

“Thank you, Dr Knight, you have no idea how much this means to me! Well, I’m sure you do, but, oh my word, thank you! Your breakfast is on me today.”

Hope bounced away before the doctor could respond, a genuine smile that hadn’t been seen in a long time making an appearance on both their faces.

******

“Gabe!”

Dr Gabriel Knight turned around at the sound of his name. Running towards him was Dr Dan Rivers, a fellow academic, and friend, specializing in virology. His pants, barely being held up by his belt started slipping down, so he stopped, lifted them and started running again, one hand still holding them in place.

When he stopped in front of Gabe, he placed one hand on his knee, and held up one finger on the other, indicating he needed a minute.

Gabe raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “I might have to give you more than a minute, my friend. May I suggest a four-way bypass?”

Dan changed his finger to another one, saying something completely different. “You know what, Gabe? Piss off.”

“I bet I could do it without my pants falling off, too.”

Once Dan caught his breath, he and Gabe started walking again towards the university parking lot.

“You should consider becoming a comedian,” Dan said dryly. “What are you doing here, anyway? I thought the university kicked you out.”

Gabe glared at his friend. “I did not get kicked out. We had a mutual agreement that I would not be returning to campus. I just came to get the last of my stuff from my office.” He held up the box in his hands and shrugged.

“I don’t understand why they did this. You are one of the best in the field and they just decided they don’t need you anymore? You put this university on the map!”

“I actually need viable research topics to remain the best in my field, Dan.” The two men reached Gabe’s car, a vintage Mustang in gunmetal grey. He threw the box in carelessly onto the passenger seat and slammed the door. “I haven’t gotten a research grant in nearly a year. I’m of no use to the university anymore.” He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, scraping his five o’clock shadow.

“It’s still not fair.”

Dan leaned against the bonnet and crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face. “Is that why you decided to help that girl you met at the diner? What’s her name again?”

“Her name is Hope. And yes, partly.” Her dark hair and pale skin flooded his mind, as they had the night of meeting her, keeping him away from a peaceful sleep. He had felt jealous of her enthusiasm; her clear motivation. He felt bitter at first. Then he felt pity for her. And then he realized that it wasn’t about him. Just because he had lost faith in his own work, doesn’t mean he had to take it out on somebody who hadn’t even begun their career, yet.

So after lying awake until two in the morning, he had decided that he would help her. Perhaps he could get inspiration for a topic of his own. He was also intrigued by Hope’s research choice. While she was explaining it, Gabe had noticed a frown coming and going, coupled with an all too familiar sadness. He had wondered if her topic had been driven by personal experience.

That fact angered him. It was completely irrational as he barely knew the girl, but all he knew was that no child should have to suffer at the hands of the people who are supposed to protect them, physically or not. He didn’t want to imagine her as a young girl, even smaller than she was now, lost and confused and with not a single soul in sight to help her.

Hope wanted to change that. And she could. She had the drive for it, just not the confidence. He just prayed that he has what it takes to give it back to her.

“And the other part?”

Gabe looked at Dan with a blank expression. He had been so lost in his thoughts he had lost track of what they were talking about.

“What other part?”

Dan sighed with a knowing smile on his face. “Never mind, I think I know why else you’re helping her.”

It took a second for his words to process in Gabe’s mind but when he had caught on to his friend’s implication, he put both his hands up in defence.

“I don’t know what you’re getting at, man. She needs help, I’m qualified to give it.” Gabe kicked the gravel with his shoes. “It’s not like I’m needed for anything else at this point,” he muttered solemnly.

Dan went up to his friend and placed both hands on his shoulders, all trace of humour now gone. “Listen, I don’t care what your intentions are, if this is just for you because you’re bored, or because you’ve found a f*****g higher calling. But don’t for a second think you are not needed, alright? You know what I need?”

“Smaller pants?”

Dan smiled. “I need my friend who is ninety per cent sarcasm and five per cent pessimist.”

“And the other five per cent?” Gabe tried not to let his emotions overwhelm him, a mixture of chronic melancholy and gratitude.

“I’m hoping that bit will be filled by alcohol later.” Dan had a mischievous smirk on his face, one Gabe couldn’t say no to.

He caved in and confirmed a time and place to meet later that evening. This was just what he needed. A distraction. Mostly from being forty and unemployed, but also from green eyes that had been haunting him for the last week.

Gabe sat in his car for a few minutes, contemplating what his next move was. His savings weren’t going to last forever and although he was well known in his field, word had got around that he wasn’t producing the same quality he had before. No offers had come in even though they used to be on a monthly basis.

“s**t,” he grunted, running his hands through his hair. He started his car and headed home, looking in the rearview mirror at the campus he had called home for nearly four years. He didn’t think his heart could break anymore but it did. Every new broken piece tore at his chest, burning like fire. He was definitely getting drunk tonight.

Hogan’s Pub and Grill had been the main attraction in the city since the eighties. Not much had changed, bar the posters of bands, sports teams and visiting celebrities. There were as many students in here as there were middle-aged people. Despite the age gap, the atmosphere was welcoming and everything smelt like beer and cigar smoke. Pool tables took up most of the floor space and a makeshift dance floor was placed right next to the scratched up and out-of-date jukebox.

Gabe sat on a barstool and looked at all the people through the cigarette-induced haze, some gyrating their hips to the rhythm of the music, others leaning on the pool table attempting backhand shots and couples sneaking out the back to the alley to do God knows what.

He took a sip of his neat whiskey and cringed. This is what he gets when he orders the cheap stuff.

“Quite the turnout tonight,” shouted Dan, barely been heard over the classic rock music playing through the speakers. He took a sip of his whiskey, too, and pulled a face. “What the hell did you buy us? Piss in a bottle?”

Gabe let out a hearty laugh. “This is all I can afford now. You’re welcome to have the unbranded tequila on the bottom shelf there.”

He motioned with his tumbler towards the bottle, pieces of chilli floating around the slightly murky liquid. It looked as good as taking a sip from a stale water puddle on the road.

“Jesus, no, I’ll stick with the piss.” As if to make a point, Dan downed the entire glass. “How about I buy us the next round?”

Gabe lifted his tumbler in mock salute. “Won’t say no to that. I don’t think my liver can handle this.” He downed his whiskey, too, and held his breath when he swallowed.

When he looked up, he stilled. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol making him see things, but knowing it was bottom shelf stuff, who knows?

No, it was definitely her.

A small figure walked towards where he was sitting, raven hair flowing down in wild waves. There was only one person he knew that had hair like that.

“Hope,” he breathed.

She hadn’t seen him, too lost in conversation with a girl next to her, far taller and blonde. The two shared a laugh and Gabe’s heart rate picked up at seeing that rare smile.

“Hello? Earth to Gabe. I asked if you wanted a plate of chips or something to snack on.” Dan followed Gabe’s line of sight when he didn’t answer and saw what had kept him occupied.

“Judging by the heart eyes on your face; I’m assuming that’s Hope? Seems fate has a plan for you.” Dan tapped the rim of Gabe’s glass with his and took a sip of their new round of cheap whiskey, not like anything he had promised he would buy.

“I don’t think so.” Gabe spun around on his chair like a coward. He rolled the liquor around in his glass, avoiding eye contact with Dan.

“You don’t want to talk to her?”

Gabe gave an incredulous look to Dan. “What the hell am I supposed to say to her? We haven’t even started our sessions, yet. Wouldn’t it be a bit odd?”

“As odd as just staring at her like a little teenage boy?”

“f**k off, Dan. I’m being serious.”

“I have never seen you hesitant about talking to a woman before.” Dan squinted at Gabe, giving him a suspicious look.

He sighed and took a sip of his drink. “Well, I’m hesitant now, ok? Leave me alone.”

It was true that he had never had issues. He was a confident, successful and well-respected man, especially in this city. But ever since word spread about his lacklustre work ethic, that changed. It destroyed his confidence and the persistent dark cloud above his head grew more and more every day. He was a doctor. He knew what all his symptoms meant. Textbook depression.

“Well, you best get over that because here she comes.”

Gabe looked over his shoulder and true as hell, there she was, heading towards him with glossy eyes and a slightly wobbly walk. She stopped in front of him and gave a shy smile. “Hey, Dr Knight. This is Carol,” she pointed to her friend who gave a friendly wave. Hope squinted at the tumbler in Gabe’s hand and pouted. “How do people drink whiskey like that? I only have the balls for the mixed stuff.”

She held up her glass, with what Gabe presumed to be whiskey and coke.

Dan let out a choked laugh, and Gabe couldn’t help but do the same. “The truth is,” Dan chimed, “no one likes it. Especially this cheap s**t but it’s what Gabe wanted.” Gabe gave his friend a look that said, ‘really?’ Dan just shrugged in response.

“You should try the house brand tequila if you want to talk about shitty drinks,” Carol spoke up.

Judging by the constant giggling and slight swaying, Gabe could only assume they had had a few whiskeys already, and perhaps that tequila, too.

“Did you drink it?” Dan asked, pulling an expression of pure disgust, eliciting even more giggles from the girls.

“Well, yes and no. Most of mine ended up on the counter,” Hope stage whispered, holding a hand up to the side of her mouth.

“What happened?” Gabe leaned closer to her, playing along with the secrecy.

“Barely a split second in my mouth and I couldn’t keep it in,” she placed her hand over her mouth trying to smother another giggle. “Literally spat it out. It was rather gross, actually.”

“I wish I got it on camera,” Carol placed an arm over Hope’s shoulders, and practically shouted in her ear, “We should do another one!”

Hope cringed and gently removed her friend’s arm.

“No, thank you. But it seems Gabe’s friend here would be happy to.”

Dan stood up and held out his hand, his irresistible smirk plastered to his face. Hope merely raised an eyebrow but Carol was all in. “I’m Dan, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Carol jumped forward, grabbed Dan’s hand and pulled him slightly towards her. “Pleasure is all mine,” she purred.

When Gabe looked over to Hope, he had to suppress his own laugh at the expression on her face. As if sensing him, she snapped her gaze to his and shrugged her shoulders, mouthing ‘I don’t know’ to him.

They both shared a quiet laugh and she moved around her friend to stand next to him. Her floral scent drowned his other senses, making her the only person visible in the room at that moment. He was also a few whiskeys down, and that may not have been a good thing given his growing attraction to her.

“Well, I think they’ll keep each other busy for a while,” Hope muttered, finishing her drink in one gulp.

“May I buy you a refill?” Gabe pointed at her empty glass.

Hope looked at it for a few seconds, as if contemplating whether it was a good idea to consume more alcohol. She looked back at Gabe and sucked in a breath at his dark eyes, seemingly entranced by her.

“f**k it, let’s have another round.” His eyebrows shot up at her unexpected words, but he didn’t dwell on them for too long.

“Alright, then,” he smiled down at her. Gabe stepped towards the bar and motioned for another drink.

When he turned back to Hope, she was swinging on the barstool from side to side, staring at her hands. As adorable as it was, he could tell something was bothering her.

He leaned in close enough that he didn’t have to raise his voice, and Hope turned to him, her eyes going wide at his proximity.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Hope could respond, rendered speechless by his warm breath sweetened by whiskey. The air became thick and it was not the smoke, but something intangible, something far deeper than the prickling on her skin.

She swallowed and unconsciously swayed even closer to him, barely a few inches between them now. “I, um…”

She released her hands from the vice-like grip on each other and wiped them on her pants.

“I’m just not sure what to make of this situation,” she breathed. Her heart was sitting in her throat and the sound of blood pumping in her ears became overwhelming.

Gabe tilted his head slightly, his gaze flickering down to her pink lips, and back up.

“And what situation is that?” He lifted his hand and moved a lock of Hope’s thick hair that had fallen in front of her eyes, the mesmerizing shades of green swirling in the low lighting of the bar. It was like someone else was in control of his mouth and hands, but he was too tipsy to think rationally and do something about it.

She pulled her lower lip between her teeth, trying to make herself feel anything other than the uneasiness rising in her belly. It had not gone unnoticed as Gabe’s eyes dropped again, almost black.

“I mean would this be considered inappropriate? You’re not with the university anymore, but still. It feels weird. Not in a bad way, like, don’t get me wrong, it feels really good.” Hope stilled at how her words sounded and felt her cheeks heating. “I just mean I’m not,” she stopped and then sighed in defeat. “I’m just going to stop talking.”

She took a big gulp of her drink, avoiding eye contact with Gabe who still hadn’t said a word. She risked a glance at him when a few seconds had passed and he was still looking at her. The heat in his eyes had disappeared and was replaced with a frown.

“Gabe?” Hope reached out and lightly placed a hand on his forearm, exposed by the rolled-up sleeves of his dress shirt. This was the first time she had seen the tattoos that were there, intricate designs wrapping themselves around him.

He looked at her for a second before gently removing her hand, placing it in her lap and taking a step back.

All the air left Hope’s lungs and she shrunk back, riddled with embarrassment. She suddenly stood up and looked at her friend, still deep in conversation with Dan. She was desperate to get out. She felt like a heavyweight was pressing down on her chest and her head started spinning.

Hope toppled slightly, the alcohol and embarrassment proving too much for her to handle. She couldn’t understand how it had all hit her so suddenly.

“Hope?”

She barely registered Gabe’s concerned voice as she tried to steady herself on the bar, but it wasn’t enough. Her stomach started turning and her vision dimmed. She knew she was going to throw up.

Hope tried to run, but couldn’t get past the crowd waiting to get their drinks.

“Hope, hold on to me, I’ve got you.” She looked at Gabe with bleary eyes and felt her feet leave the ground. He carried her towards the bathrooms, narrowly avoiding other drunk people.

She practically fell out of his arms at the door, stumbled in and just made it to the toilet before the contents came out. The coolness of the tiles on her legs did little to help but she tried to focus on that, but to no avail as the second wave of nausea hit her.

“Oh, God,” she choked out. She sobbed into the bowl, still heaving in between her breaths.

Hope had never felt this level of humiliation. What the hell was Gabe thinking about her now?

The door opened and a deep voice bellowed out, “Hope, are you alright?”

“What the hell?” a voice shrilled out. It pierced through Hope’s skull, sending a shooting pain to her eyes.

“I’m sorry, ladies, I need to know if my friend is alright. She’s in one of these stalls.”

A fresh wave of nausea hit her, again. When will it end?

She tried to shout out, only being overcome by heaving again, choked sounds coming out.

“I can hear her at the end there,” the voice rang out again.

“Could you check her for me, please? I don’t want to come in further than I already am.”

Suddenly a familiar voice barged in, and Carol’s words were the only pleasant thing she had experienced in the last ten minutes.

“Hope? Hope!” She heard all the stall doors banging open until finally, she found Hope in the last one.

“Oh, sweetie,” Carol sat next to her, brushing her hair back and rubbing circles on her shoulders.

“Gabe,” Hope croaked, her throat raw from all the heaving.

“I’ll go get him, let’s get you out of here.”

Carol stood up and moments later a pair of strong arms lifted her and carried her out.

Hope only had moments to revel in the cool air as they stepped outside before her vision went black.