The Edge of Hope

Chapter 4

When Gabe got home from dropping Hope off, he sat with the last bit of good whiskey he had and stared at a blank spot on the floor.

He had vowed he wasn’t going to flirt with her again, but when she kept putting her foot in her mouth and blushing, he couldn’t help himself. It was true what he said, it had been so easy for him to talk to her and something just kept pulling him in, an invisible force he had no control over.

He was still awed by her passion for her research, the absolute conviction she had that no kid should be left untreated or ignored. He was still reaching for that same passion in himself. It had only been one session but he had hoped it would at least spark something of the love he had for his research, but he felt nothing.

What he had felt were deep emotions emerging after being hidden for so long. After his ex-wife had left him for an older artist, he vowed it would only be his work that he would remain committed to. Now he had this complex, confusing but incredible, woman taking over his mind and senses.

It wasn’t good. Regardless of how liberating it was to know he could still openly talk to someone; it was not what he had in mind for his life. He had married young, at twenty-one, got divorced at twenty-three and although he never messed around, he never went further than a few weeks with someone.

He downed the rest of his whiskey, not bothering to savour it any longer. He was fighting a losing battle, and it wasn’t fair to string Hope along. Today was the last time he would give in to the feelings he was developing for her.

He climbed into bed after a hot shower and again, lay there until the early hours of the morning wondering what the hell he was going to do with Hope Whitfield.

*****

Gabe sat in his car for ten minutes outside the diner after arriving, watching Hope run around, serving the patrons with a noticeably fake smile.

It had been about a month since they started their mentoring sessions and it was going well. She had flown through her intro and was well on her way to making her deadline with time to spare.

He could see her excitement gradually increasing, but there was always this shroud over her. And it was one he recognized. It upset him but he had observed her, as a psychiatrist, and was sure he could make a confident assumption.

He might not be the only one struggling with depression. He felt like he had invaded her privacy by doing it, subtly asking her questions, getting her to speak about childhood memories and observing changes in her behaviour when they came across certain points in her paper.

He couldn’t help himself, though. He had a growing need to protect her and he could only do it the best way he knew how.

When he looked back at the diner, he noticed Hope standing outside the entrance, a coffee cup in hand and busy on her phone.

As he stepped out, she started towards his car and met him halfway in the lot.

“I wasn’t sure how long you were planning on sitting in your car, so I thought I’d bring your coffee to you.” She handed the cup over to him, that distinct floral scent of hers wafting through the air.

His heart warmed at her consideration. “Do I have to pay for it?”

“If you order the continental breakfast, then no,” she smiled. “But that you’ll have to come inside for.”

“And here I thought you had five-star service,” he teased, starting towards the diner.

“That service remains within those four walls, doc. I’ll get your order so long,” she spoke as she walked inside and towards the counter.

Gabe took a seat at his usual spot and saw a newspaper that had been left behind by the previous customer.

An article headline caught his attention and read, ‘City Council to close public library? Vandalism on the rise!’

“What the f…”

“Sir, may I interest you in some of our finest?” Hope held the jug of filter coffee in her hand.

Gabe looked up and met her warm gaze. She had grown far more affectionate of him, the evidence in her eyes. While he didn’t want to put her down, he was afraid of disappointing her. The affection went both ways though, so he would only be disappointing himself, too.

“Can we make it Irish?”

Hope noticed the strained expression on his face.

“I’m sure, after hours. What’s wrong?” She peered down at the newspaper he was holding and he angled the article towards her.

Anger then disbelief flashed across her delicate features, and she lowered the coffee mug, nearly spilling its contents on the floor.

“Surely, they can’t do that,” she hissed through her teeth. “What about people that don’t have access to the internet at home or just books in general? Vandalism isn’t a new concept.”

“It’s not set in stone. Seems it was a point raised in the last council meeting.”

“But they’re considering it if it’s in the news, aren’t they?” He saw her eyes glossing over, and she looked at him with pleading eyes like he could make it all disappear.

Gabe wanted to comfort her. The sudden urge to just hold her in his arms, to feel her body mould against his knocked him off-kilter. How was he supposed to feel, though? This also meant they might not be able to do their sessions there, which could be a huge inconvenience to them both. He wasn’t allowed to use any university facilities anymore.

“Hope, I’m sure it’s fine…”

“Don’t say that. We don’t know for sure.”

“Exactly. It could go either way. There’s nothing we can do about it right now.”

Gabe reached out and took Hope’s free hand in his. The warmth and silkiness of her skin were a stark contrast to his roughness. Her eyes steamed up again and she gave him a look that shook him to his bones.

She shook her head lightly and squeezed Gabe’s hand.

“You’re right. Doesn’t help to get worked up over it, does it?”

He squeezed her hand back and smiled. “I’ll keep an eye on it, I promise.”

She looked down at their conjoined hands and was about to speak when she was called from behind the counter.

“Order up, Hope!”

“That’s your food. I’ll be right back.”

She gave his hand a final squeeze and walked away. He watched her go behind the counter and saw who he assumed to be Sal, talking to her and looking directly at Gabe.

Hope turned slightly and gave him a quick glance, the reddening of her cheeks far too noticeable on her pale skin. She turned back, responded and started for his table.

When she placed his food in front of him, she was about to leave when he spoke up.

“Did I get you in trouble?”

“Why would I be in trouble?”

“Do you go around holding hands with all your customers?”

She giggled and shook her head. “No, but it’s not that. He’s just…” she turned and looked at Sal. “He’s like a father to me, Gabe. He’s just doing his protective thing.”

Gabe didn’t want to push that topic any further. She had told him she was in the system at a young age but never said why. He didn’t ask because of the raw pain he saw when she spoke about it, so he let it go.

“I’ll keep my hands to myself, then.”

She looked at him for a few seconds, smirked and what she said fueled Gabe’s caged interest, now almost breaking free.

“For now.”

Hope sauntered away, immediately attending to her other customers as if nothing had happened.

Gabe was still for a few seconds before he carried on with his food. He wasn’t sure where the hell that had come from and if there was ever a time Hope had openly flirted with him, it was now.

He wasn’t complaining, though. There was no denying the growing chemistry between them, the unadulterated tension growing stronger every time they were with each other.

While he was finishing his food, relief washed over him at the thought that his feelings were not as one-sided as he thought. He smiled despite himself, and like the name of the girl who was stealing his heart, he felt hope for the first time in years.

*****

Hope was in the washroom after serving Gabe and she couldn’t believe what she had just said.

She looked at her reflection, her flushed cheeks evidence of her blatant flirting.

“For now? Jesus, Hope,” she scolded herself.

But it was requiring an extreme amount of effort to control her emotions at this stage. Every time she sat across from him at the library, well, as of a few days ago, he started sitting next to her, she found every excuse to brush his shoulder with hers or take in his woodsy scent.

This was becoming a dangerous game. They were delving into far deeper things with her research, bringing up so many memories from her childhood that she once had to escape to the bathroom to avoid having a panic attack in front of Gabe.

He still wasn’t aware of just how far her personal experience went, but he wasn’t stupid. This was literally his profession, but she couldn’t say anything to him. It was like a hand had closed over her throat every time she wanted to speak, just like the kids used to do in school during break times in the bathroom.

Yet, he was chipping away at her walls, piece by every damn piece. She was conflicted. A part of her didn’t mind, another part was worried he would run for the hills when he got to her centre.

Apparently, the part of her that didn’t mind took over and said the most outrageous thing.

She gathered her thoughts and stepped out and saw Gabe’s seat was empty again. She felt a flicker of disappointment, but she was being silly. The man had a life. He didn’t have to stick around.

She approached his table and excitement erupted when she saw he had left a note for her.

“I think I need an upgrade from cheap filter coffee. Perhaps we should try one at Gelato’s on 5th Street?”

Her hands started shaking slightly and she read the note five times just to be sure she was reading it correctly. Had he asked her out on an official date? Or was the coffee just that bad?

She had a feeling it was a yes to both.

Hope quickly dug her phone out and messaged Carol, asking for her opinion. She didn’t want to assume anything and embarrass herself again.

Moments later, a notification came in.

‘OMG??!! Yes! That’s a date!’

She must have looked silly given she was smiling broadly at her phone. Sal called out when he noticed.

“You win the lottery?”

Hope pocketed her phone and went to clean up for the last hour of her shift.

“I think so.”

Hope had been bubbling with anticipation her whole walk home. She had wanted to take a day off from her studies and Gabe had agreed it would be good for her.

She was going to message him when she got home. She couldn’t possibly say no.

Stepping inside, she saw Pixie waiting at her window, meowing away as if the world forgot her existence. She opened up and grabbed the soft cat, spun around and landed on her bed. The cat was less than impressed as she jumped off and went straight to her food bowl.

Hope was too high to care. She pulled her phone out and started typing a message to Gabe.

‘Is our coffee really that bad?’

Only a few minutes passed and he responded.

‘Do you think I go to the diner because of the coffee?’

‘I hope not…’

She was so much braver behind the screen of her phone. About ten minutes had passed and he hadn’t responded. She got up and made a sandwich while waiting. She had just finished eating when a message came through and she ran and jumped on her bed, grabbing her phone from the nightstand.

‘There’s a waitress there I can’t seem to get out of my head, and I’m still waiting for her answer.’

‘Remind me what the question was.’ Hope giggled. She felt like a teenage girl talking to her crush for the first time.

‘Don’t be a smart ass.’

‘I can be your coffee date instead?’

‘That’s a better answer. This Saturday at 10?’

She checked the date. That was only two days away.

‘10 in the morning I hope.’

‘If I take you out at 10 in the evening, it won’t be to have coffee.’

Holy. s**t.

Hope gaped at her phone and a new kind of sensation started deep in her belly.

“Did he just…?” Hope looked at Pixie, who was staring at her with big, amber eyes. “Pixie, did he seriously just say that?”

She felt a rush go through her, starting from her toes, travelling all the way through to her fingertips, chased by heat that no amount of cold air was going to dissipate.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to be calm and collected about this. She tried to think of a witty comeback, but she was at a loss for words.

Finally, she responded, ‘And if I like that idea more?’

‘Be careful what you wish for.’

She was dying to know what was going through his head. Was he feeling the same rush? She had to keep this going, she wanted to see just how far she could push it.

‘I’m willing to take the risk.’

Hope waited in anticipation. Ten minutes passed and she had no response. Fifteen… Twenty… She checked the clock and saw it was nearly seven p.m.

It was still early. Perhaps he was having dinner.

Hope jumped at the firm knock on her door. She wasn’t expecting anyone. She quietly walked to the door and peeked through the hole. She gasped as she was met with dark brown eyes.

“Pixie,” she whispered loudly. “It’s him. What do I do?”

Pixie just meowed and made herself comfortable on the couch.

“You’re useless.” She stood up straight and steeled herself to open the door.

A rush of air came over her, doing little to cool her down when she opened the door.

Gabe stood there, his intense look causing her to take shallow breaths.

He stalked towards her, leaning his palm on the frame of the door, and crowded her with the scent that she was slowly becoming addicted to.

“I told you to be careful what you wish for.”