The Edge of Hope

Chapter 16

“Pixie!” Gabe called out, filling the cat bowl to the brim. The fluffy cat would usually run at the sound but there was silence.

“Pixie, come girl.” Gabe ventured around, trying to find her. He walked towards the room and found her digging around the left side of his bed. The side she slept on.

He approached the cat slowly and scratched her behind the ear. “What you looking for?”

Pixie meowed and pawed at the duvet, trying to lift it.

Gabe sighed and picked the cat up. “She’s not here.”

The cat wiggled and squirmed so Gabe placed her down and swore as she ran away. “Stupid cat.”

He walked aimlessly and stood in the middle of the lounge. The unfamiliar silence drowned him. He looked around, trying to find something to do. It was Sunday, and he and Hope had usually watched movies the whole day, snacking on junk food and not moving unless it was to the bathroom or the fridge to get more food.

He went to the kitchen and put a bag of popcorn kernels in the microwave and sniffed the buttery smell and sighed. It was one of his favourite smells. As were flowers.

He couldn’t get the funeral and wake the day before out of his head. The warm breeze had definitely smelt like roses and tulips. It was distinct and it’s like he knew it was her.

Again, as a man of science it was illogical, but if there was anything the last week had taught him was that there was something far bigger than him here. Something greater and went beyond any physical comprehension.

Gabe was also certain if the wind had to be personified, it would have been Hope. That’s why he said her name. It came out before he could think about it. That caress across his cheek was so familiar and just so her.

The microwave wave beeped and carefully removed the steaming bag. He fell onto the couch and put a movie on, but he wasn’t paying attention.

He thought about Sal, how his sudden calm had taken over and a kind of smile he hadn’t seen on Sal’s face before. Had he had the same feeling? Did he also feel like Hope was there?

Maybe it was the grief talking. That’s what he would have said to his patients. It’s common for the brain to trick itself into experiences that couldn’t possibly happen. It’s a way to process the loss and bring some kind of peace of mind.

But even he was having a hard time believing that after what he had experienced.

Gabe gave up on the movie and switched the TV off. He took the empty bowl and placed it in the sink when Pixie came back in and jumped up onto the counter to eat the food he had put out earlier.

“There you are. You must be hungry.”

Pixie responded with loving eyes and devoured her food. Gabe chuckled and thought a shower would do him some good.

He opened his dresser to get a fresh top and boxers when something shiny caught his eye. He froze as his gaze landed on the engagement ring he had brought back home.

His shaking hand reached out and he carefully took it in his hand, walking backwards to the bed until it hit the back of his knees and he sat down.

Gabe rolled the ring around his fingers, a myriad of regret, pain and anger soaring through him. “Ah, f**k,” he groaned.

He had been doing well keeping himself together but now being alone, with the ring in his hand, Pixie rubbing himself against his leg, it all came crashing down.

He tightened his fist and was just about to throw the ring when something closed around his hand and stopped him. His breathing shallowed as he had the sudden sensation that he wasn’t alone.

He tried to speak but his throat closed up. He took a deep breath and tried again. “Hope?”

He felt like an i***t saying it out loud. It was so stupid that he kept fooling himself like this. He released his fist and looked down at the diamond jewel.

He waited. But nothing happened. He huffed and roughly placed the ring on the nightstand. He stood up and as he started walking he heard the ping of something small falling on the ground.

Gabe’s gaze immediately dropped to the floor and his eyes misted when he saw the ring laying there.

He knew he had put it where it wouldn’t fall. “How?”

He bent down to retrieve it and placed it back in his drawer. He stared at it and after five seconds gave up and quickly headed to the bathroom, not looking back once.

He slammed the door shut and rested his forehead against it. “I am losing it.”

He shook his shoulders and turned the tap all the way to the ‘HOT’ side, hoping the scalding water would distract him or wake him up from a bad dream if this was one.

Gabe let the hot water burn him. It wasn’t hot enough to injure him but just enough that instinct was telling him to move. But he ignored it.

The echo of the water beating down on the tiles below him was interrupted by a sudden hum.

He whipped around and immediately swore. “Who’s there?” he demanded.

His rushed breathing was the only answer. He rubbed his eyes furiously and put his head under the water again. Only a few seconds passed before he heard that humming again.

He shut the water off and quickly stepped out, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around his hips. Ok, this is insane, but worth a shot.

“Hope, seriously, is that you?”

Finally, he felt that brush on his cheek again. That familiar warmth spread through him and he reached up. A strained sound escaped as reality set in.

“It is you.”

He couldn’t believe it. How was this even possible? Everything he had ever been taught contradicted this moment. Maybe he was losing it. Maybe his brain was so unhinged, that he was hallucinating. Although, right now, he wasn’t going to think about it. He was going to revel in this feeling and cherish it. He didn’t know how long it would last.

True to his fear, it didn’t. Only a few seconds and it was gone. She was gone.

The happiness was fleeting.

Gabe went straight to bed and prayed to whoever was listening that she would visit him in his dreams.