The Edge of Hope

Chapter 10

When Hope arrived at her apartment to get the last of her things, Pixie came bounding up to her, tail going back and forth in the air.

Hope went on to her knees and rubbed the cat all over and scratched her ears. “Hey, girl. I’m going to miss you so much!” She grabbed Pixie and held her to her chest, the purring vibrating through to her heavy heart.

“She’s going to miss having two homes,” said a male voice.

Hope looked up and saw her neighbour, hands in his pockets and a warm smile on his face. She was surprised he was actually home.

“Steve, you’re here?”

“Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you before you left.” He shuffled his feet, looking a bit uncomfortable.

“Oh. Well, here I am,” Hope said awkwardly. She and Steve hadn’t really spoken much over the two years he had been living here, so she wasn’t certain what to expect.

“I know Pixie spends a lot of time with you, probably more than she’s with me. I suppose because I’m not here much.”

Silence filled the hallway as Hope waited. She was about to speak when he continued, sighing and kneeling down to Pixie when she went up to him and rubbed herself against his legs.

“It’s a lot to ask, but… I really think she’ll be better off staying with you. I know I took offence to you asking to adopt her. It’s only because I felt so guilty about not being here and leaving her alone.”

“I really was just joking, Steve,” Hope said with a nervous laugh.

“I know that now. If you’re happy to keep her, then I’m happy for you to adopt her.”

Hope had to stop herself from running up to him and giving him a bear hug. It might not have been appropriate, and Gabe was just downstairs, not that he was the jealous type, but it might have looked weird. Hope couldn’t understand why she was stalling.

“Steve, thank you so, so much. I promise she will be well taken care of.”

“That I know,” he went to his door and brought a litter box, travel crate and a bag of food to her. At that moment, Gabe appeared from the elevator and did a quick take of the scene in front of him.

Hope couldn’t help but jump and motion to Pixie. “She’s ours!”

Gabe looked at Steve as he walked closer, a smile appearing on his face. He held out a hand to shake. “I’m Gabe and thank you. I know this will make Hope very happy.”

“Hell, yeah, it would,” she interjected. Both men laughed and Steve walked toward the elevator. “Well, good luck, Hope and Gabe. All the best.”

She gave him a big wave and thanked him again before the doors closed.

She spun around and jumped, wrapping herself tightly around him. She planted a kiss on his lips and glanced at the black cat, sniffing the last of Hope’s belongings.

“I can’t believe I get to keep her.”

Gabe reached for two of her bags. “I’m happy for you, too, baby girl. That was really sweet of him to do that.”

Hope blushed at his endearment. He wasn’t big on them, but when he did use them, she had to take a deep breath to control the hormones raging into her belly.

When they got into Gabe’s car, she stopped him before he started his engine. He looked at her expectantly. “You forget something?”

“Call me that, again.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Baby girl. Say it again, but this time, a lot closer to my face.” The excitement of the move and the cat amplified her feelings.

Gabe squinted his eyes, and Hope waited in anticipation for his response.

“You are playing a dangerous game.” He started up the engine and headed for her new home. Their home.

She wasn’t planning on doing much unpacking when she got there, and judging by the tension on Gabe’s face, he would be just fine with that.

*****

“Why do you insist on keeping this God-awful desk chair?” Gabe asked, pushing it away with his hand.

“That desk chair was a gift from me to me when I passed my honours with a distinction. It’s sentimental.” Hope crossed her arms in defiance, a smirk playing on her face.

“It’s a death trap. How the hell have you not fallen off this thing?” Gabe spun the chair around, the squeaking and wobbling proving his point.

“Who says I haven’t fallen off?”

He gave her a disapproving look, but a smile was in his eyes. “Right. It’s not staying.”

Hope ran and sat on the chair as he started rolling it toward his front door, but that didn’t deter him. Pixie quickly got out of the way, her eyes wide.

“You’re scaring my cat!” Hope laughed, holding on to the edge of the seat.

“If you don’t get off, you’re going with it.” He stopped at the door and looked down at her, putting his hands on his hips.

Hope pouted and shook her head. “Nope. I’m not moving.”

Gabe shrugged with a mischievous smirk on his face and opened his door. He wheeled the chair out and as it passed the threshold, he shut the door, leaving Hope flabbergasted outside.

“What the hell?” she shouted as she got up, her laughing now starting to hurt her stomach. The moving process had been an interesting experience. But it solidified the thought that Hope was ready for this next step.

She tried the door but found it to be locked. “Oh my God, seriously, Gabe? This is so childish!”

She banged on the door continuously, most likely irritating the neighbours, too. “I won’t stop until you open.” It only took ten seconds before the door swung open, and Hope lifted her chin with triumph at Gabe with his flustered cheeks.

He looked at the chair behind her and then back to Hope. “I’m being childish?”

Hope tried to step in, but Gabe blocked her with his big frame. “No, no. You can come back in when that chair disappears,” he chuckled. He looked down at Pixie who was now by his feet, staring back at him with loving eyes. “Looks like your cat is a traitor, after all.”

Due to her being short, Hope managed to slip under Gabe’s arms and back inside, where she turned around and tried to push him out, but he didn’t even budge.

She grunted while pushing him with her shoulders, but eventually gave in. “Dammit, Gabe. Fine! The chair can go. She picked the cat up and turned her body away. “The cat’s still mine, though.”

This went on for the next hour while Hope settled in, and finally, they collapsed onto the couch, exhausted.

“So, what would you like for dinner?” Gabe asked.

“What do we have? I feel like chicken, maybe.”

“Chicken Schnitzel?”

Hope got up and nodded to the kitchen. “I’ll help.”

While they ate, Hope noticed Gabe was furrowing his brows and then pursing his lips, then going to a blank expression just to do it all over again.

He had been going through these stages every now and then, and Hope had just ignored it but it was starting to get to her. Was he regretting asking her to move in? The thought diminished her appetite and she struggled to swallow the food in her mouth.

She took a sip of her water and thought of the best way to approach it. “Can I ask you something?”

Gabe’s head snapped up and he took a second before he responded. “Sure, anything.” All the rotating expressions had disappeared, now replaced with that stone-cold face he had once before. She felt a pain shoot through her heart at the memory of what happened last time, but she suppressed it. That was then, and this is now. And you’re overthinking.

“Do you regret asking me to move in? I mean, now that I’m actually here?” Her voice was so soft, that she wasn’t sure Gabe had heard her.

“Why would you think that?” he responded darkly. Hope didn’t want this to turn into a fight, but she didn’t know how else to ask him.

“It’s just, for a short while, sometimes you kind of…drift off, and I can see a million thoughts going through your head and none of them looks good or happy. I just thought that, now that I’ve actually moved in, it’s not what you thought it would be.”

Hope could see all the while she was talking, his eyes got darker and darker. She quickly spoke up to assure him. “I’m not implying or assuming anything here, Gabe, I promise. It’s just a question.”

“You haven’t even been here for a day and you’re asking questions like that already? Maybe you’re the one who’s regretting it,” he spat out.

That pain shot through Hope’s chest again, this time laced with anger. She counted to five in her head and spoke in a level tone. “I just said I was merely asking. I’m not trying to start a fight.”

Gabe scoffed and spoke under his breath, “Sure, you’re not.”

Hope dropped her fork and felt her cheeks go hot with anger. Her hands started shaking and it took every bit of energy she had in her to not raise her voice. “Why do you always get so bitchy any time I ask something personal?”

Gabe’s expression contorted into one she had never seen before but she was too high on adrenaline to care right now or be scared.

He spoke up before she could try to diffuse the situation. “I’m bitchy?” he said with a humourless huff. “God, if this is us after one day, I don’t want to know what will happen in the next year or even the next f*****g month.”

His words were like a slap on her face. She sucked in a breath but could barely get any air into her lungs. Tears immediately pooled in her eyes and her voice cracked when she responded. “What are you saying, then? You don’t want to know me in a year? Or a month?”

Gabe groaned and rubbed both his hands over his face. “f**k, Hope, that’s not what I said, it’s… that’s not what I meant,” his voice went gruff.

Hope stood up, feeling like the walls were getting closer and closer to her. “I need a second…” and with that, she rushed to their bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Leaning against the door with her hand over her mouth to silence her sobs, Hope felt her lungs constricting again and her vision dimming.

She went to the en-suite bathroom and splashed water on her face but it did little to calm her racing heart and shallow breaths. She fell to the ground, her hand now on her chest, the full-blown panic attack taking over all her senses. Her crying echoed in the bathroom and filled her ears, already deaf from the blood rushing through them.

Suddenly, the door swung open and Gabe came in, but within a split second, he was on the floor, cradling Hope into his chest and rubbing her head gently.

“I’m sorry, Hope,” he said, his own voice now breaking. “I didn’t mean it that way.” Hope was still shaking and his voice rumbled through again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Hope’s wracked sobs slowly turned to shaky breaths and her heart rate returned to somewhat normal. She didn’t move from Gabe’s warm embrace as she was overcome with humiliation at her response. It was an overreaction but she couldn’t help the anxiety that took over.

She raised her head slightly, now feeling heavy and sniffed. “I don’t know what happened. I completely overreacted,” she forced out between ragged breaths.

“No, don’t you dare say that. It was a d**k thing to say and it came out completely wrong. I understand why you felt like I was…” he trailed off, the pain evident in his voice, too.

“Like you wanted to break up with me?”

He rested his forehead on top of her head, kissing her over and over. “Yes,” he croaked. “I don’t want you to leave. And I don’t regret asking you to move in at all.”

Hope let out a shaky laugh and hoisted herself up onto her knees in front of Gabe. “Ok, that’s good to hear.” She cupped his cheeks and leaned her forehead against his. “This is what you get when you live with somebody who has a broken mind.”

“They have pills for that, you know,” Gabe joked and Hope hit him on his arm.

“That’s not funny,” she said, the laughter breaking through her short breaths. She stood up, washed her face and assured Gabe she was alright when he wouldn’t stop asking.

She climbed into bed immediately, exhausted, and Gabe wasn’t even out of the room before she fell into a deep sleep.