The Edge of Hope

Chapter 7

Gabe hit the mirror in his bathroom with his fist, pain splintering up his arm as the glass broke.

“f**k,” he hissed. How could he have been so stupid?

When he felt warmth on his hand, he looked down and swore at the blood flowing down his arm and in the sink.

He washed his hand under the water, the stinging doing little to distract him from the pain in his chest. When he assessed his hand and saw he didn’t need stitches, he dressed it in gauze and went to the kitchen to clean up.

He gazed around, everything reminding him of Hope, even the bloody mug she drank from.

Gabe knew he overreacted. She was genuinely just asking and he should have been proud that he could make her feel so good, but instead, he had been reminded of his ex-wife who was ‘so good’ at what she did simply because she had f****d anything that moved.

His brain had convinced him that she was comparing him to his ex, implying that he was an unfaithful pig. How could she have known, though?

He should’ve told her. It was a big secret to keep and one Hope had a right to know.

When he saw the bus leave, and Hope’s raven hair pressed against the window, his heart shattered.

He rubbed his uninjured hand over his face and sighed. He started cleaning his kitchen, spending too much time scrubbing everything, making his hand even worse. He was intentionally hurting himself. Serves you right.

Once done, he sat on his couch and looked at his phone. He contemplated messaging her. They still had her paper to get through. Her feedback from her submission would be in by next Friday and they’ll have to start working again.

He started typing something but erased it. There was no point. All he was trying to do was make excuses and this was not something he should tell her over the phone.

He rushed to shower and get changed and sped off in his Mustang towards Hope’s apartment, praying to God she was there.

*****

She wasn’t. Pixie rubbed herself on Gabe’s legs and loved the cat for five minutes before he would go. Just as he walked towards the elevator, a voice called behind him.

“You’re her boyfriend, right?”

Gabe saw the landlord walking toward him. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Well, I don’t know what you did, but it must have been bad.”

Gabe’s heart sped up. “Where is she?”

“Hell that I would know. She was on the phone talking to a Karen. No, a Claudia.”

“Carol?” Gabe corrected. She had been his tenant for ten years and he didn’t know any names? Maybe he was just being irrational.

“That’s the one.”

“And do you know where she lives?”

“Do I look like a stalker to you?” The landlord spat something out of his mouth, and Gabe suddenly felt his stomach churning.

“Thanks for your help,” Gabe mumbled and left as quickly as he could.

Now what? He hadn’t the slightest clue where Carol stayed. He got in his car and sat for five minutes trying to think what to do. He could wait here, but there’s no telling when she’ll be back. A thought occurred to him and he grabbed his phone and dialled his friend.

“Hey, man, what’s up?”

“Hey, Dan. I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you know where Carol lives? You know, Hope’s friend.”

“Why do you think I would know?”

Gabe was losing his patience with people just not knowing any damn information that he needed. “Because I know you and she hit it off and if you for a second think that I don’t know that you’ve boned her in every part of her house, then you’re underestimating me.”

Dan was silent for a few seconds. “Fair enough. She’s over on Harriet and Fern Street.”

“Do you think Hope would be with her?”

“I don’t know. Gabe, what’s going on?”

“I f****d up and I need to make things right.” Gabe could just imagine the understanding dawning on his friend’s face.

“Well if I know anything about women, she’s probably at Carol now swearing you to hell and back.”

“That’s good enough for me. Thanks, man.”

Gabe confirmed the address again and broke just about every traffic law to get to her. He wasn’t going to lose the one thing he felt like he was getting right.

He parked outside the house and was impressed. He wondered what Carol could’ve done to afford a place like this. He scolded himself. He was being pushy and impatient with everyone else and now he’s just stalling.

He jumped out and went to the ringer. A few seconds passed and no one answered. He spun around in desperation, getting tempted to jump the fence.

The gate opened behind him and Gabe was hoping to see Hope, but Carol stood there, and she was angry.

“What do you want?” Carol spat out.

“Please, I need to see her.” Gabe couldn’t care that his voice broke or that his hands started shaking.

Carol noticed it, too and her expression softened, but only slightly.

“Gabe, I don’t think that…”

“Please, Carol. I’m begging you.” He was surprised when he felt a warm tear slide down his cheek. He quickly reached up and wiped it away, scolding himself for being emotional, but Carol had already seen it.

Sympathy filled her eyes and she motioned with her head toward the gate. “Come on. She’s inside,” she said softly.

Gabe followed her into a spacious living room and immediately spotted Hope on the couch. She was huddled up in blankets and pillows and the sight shattered him even further.

“Who was that?” Hope asked without looking back. When Carol didn’t respond, she turned around and her eyes went wide. Gabe saw they were red and swollen. He felt his own eyes stinging again but he managed to hold himself together.

After a few moments passed, Carol spoke up. “I’ll, uh, leave you guys to it.” She slipped away to her bedroom, leaving the two in deathly silence.

Hope stood up and faced Gabe, crossing her arms.

“What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk. I have something I need to tell you.”

She looked to the side and back to him. “And why should I listen to you?”

“You shouldn’t. I just want a chance to explain some things and make it right.” Gabe’s desperation was evident by the strain in his voice. He had hoped like hell she would at least just hear him out, she doesn’t have to talk to him ever again, he just needed her to know.

Hope was silent for a moment and she let out a deep breath. “Fine. You have five minutes. Follow me.”

He followed her without question to a courtyard located inside the house.

Gabe couldn’t help the comment from slipping. “Nice place.”

Hope looked around and nodded. “Yeah. It was her father’s. He left it to her when he passed away two years ago.” Her voice was flat.

She waited for Gabe to speak up first. His chest tightened and his palms started sweating. He thought it was best to just rip the Band-Aid off.

“I was married.”

It was clear by the shock on Hope’s face that it was the last thing she expected to hear. He waited for her to lash out, to tell him to leave and never come back. But she simply nodded and said, “What happened?”

Relief washed over him. She was willing to hear him out at least. He better get it right the first time. “She left me. We were young and stupid. Everyone told us getting married at twenty-one was going to end in failure. I thought we could prove them wrong. Turns out, she just wanted to say she was married to a future doctor.” Gabe didn’t hide the bitterness in his voice. He wanted Hope to know how much he resented his ex-wife. “She had been sleeping around, even before we were engaged. I only found out a year into our marriage she had been using as well.”

Gabe could see Hope was waiting for him to continue. Probably to explain what this has to do with their fight.

“I had once said to her that she was good, you know, in bed and she just told me it’s because she knew me so well.”

Hope shoulders sagged and understanding dawned on her face. She was observant. Another reason why she would be a great psychologist.

Gabe didn’t give her a chance to speak, though, as he wanted to get everything out in the open.

“I fell for it, obviously. I thought I was so lucky to find love at such a young age. She was good because she was getting plenty of practice outside our relationship.”

Hope took a step closer to Gabe and took a deep breath. “That’s a pretty shitty thing to do.”

Gabe scoffed. “I’d say. Anyway, two years after we got married, I woke up to divorce papers on the coffee table. She had met an artist twice her age and had planned to move to Europe with him.”

Hope furrowed her eyebrows, and pursed her lips. “That’s why you got upset when I’d told you that you were good.”

“Yes. It just triggered a lot of feelings that I’ve suppressed for a long time and it just came out.” Gabe stepped closer to Hope, and he felt relief when she didn’t move away.

“Irrationally, I thought you were comparing me to her. It’s such a stupid thing to think but at the moment, it’s all I could think about.”

Hope shook her head and reached to take Gabe’s hand and she noticed the gauze and fresh blood seeping through.

“Oh my God, Gabe, what happened?” she shrieked. She turned his hand around to inspect it.

“I smashed my mirror. It was just my irrational behaviour taking over again. Just like I thought you were comparing me to a person you didn’t even know existed. I was so stupid.”

Hope took his other hand and squeezed lightly. “It’s not stupid. And I understand why you felt that way. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner.” Her hand reached up and caressed Gabe’s cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand and let out a shaky breath.

Gabe thought while they were on the topic of admitting things, “Also, I’m not just no longer at the university, I’m also no longer with a job.”

“Oh,” Hope said. “Well, I suppose that wasn’t a complete lie. Why did you say you don’t have time, then?”

“I didn’t want to waste yours.”

She playfully hit his arm. “Well, you clearly didn’t. Anything else?”

Gabe chuckled while shaking his head and took Hope’s hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles lightly.

When he opened his eyes, Hope had a few stray tears falling down.

“God, I’ve made you cry more than I should.”

Hope squeezed his hand with hers and shook her head. “It’s ok. It’s good that we get all of this out of the way.” She closed the gap between them, their kiss slow, sweet and wet. She pulled back and saw she wasn’t the one crying.

“Oh, Gabe,” she breathed and held him tight against her in a hug. “I shouldn’t be making you cry either.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he let out an amused huff.

She held him by his shoulders. “You’re facing emotions that you’ve kept bottled up for nearly twenty years. It’s going to be overwhelming, but you’re doing far better than I have.”

Gabe pulled her close again and placed a kiss on the top of her head. He heard Hope mumbling something but didn’t quite catch it.

He leaned back. “What was that?”

She took a shaky breath and steadied herself. “I said I love you.”

Gabe was still for a second while his mind caught up. He grabbed Hope and hoisted her up so her legs were wrapped around his waist.

He kissed her. “Say it again.”

Hope giggled, “I love you, Gabriel Knight.”

This time he kissed her deeply, with joy and contentment taking over and filling the void he had inside of him.

When he placed her down he cupped both her cheeks. “And I love you, Hope Whitfield.”

“Aw, now isn’t that just the sweetest thing a woman ever did see,” Carol cooed from behind them.

She put her hands up in defence when Gabe and Hope just stared at her. “Can you blame me? I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.” A warm smile crossed her features and she walked away while saying, “I’ll get the kettle on. Gabe, you like coffee?”

They headed inside, hand in hand. The smile on Gabe’s face was contagious, genuine and happy.

“I’ll take something stronger if you have,” Hope called back.

His heart felt full. Full of joy, of love and of faith. He was going to make this work. Hope was his forever and he will remind her every day of that fact.