Hidden

Chapter 9: The Awful Truth

I stand on the deck and watch the shore draw closer. I am dressed in traditional Gwandeong garments and my hair is adorned with golden pins and ornaments. The dress is the crimson associated with the Ryeok Clan and it flares out at the sleeves. The collar is buttoned around my neck and a black bow is tied under my breasts and the rest of the gown flows wide from my waist down. The shoes are flat and curls at the toes. They are also crimson with gold and black flowers stitched along the sides. The socks are pure white and come up to my ankles. All in all, it is the most comfortable thing I’ve worn since starting this voyage.

The only downside is the makeup. My beautiful chestnut brown skin is hidden under a thick layer of white powder, black eyeliner, and crimson eye shadow. My lips are painted deep red and an artificial blush colors my cheeks. My hands are also powdered white and my nails are hidden in golden nails with the Ryeok insignia swirling around them.

“Is all of this necessary,” I asked as Lyra and two others maids primped me for my debut.

“Unfortunately, there are many who are opposed to Lord Chan-Yung marrying…well…someone not of Gwandeong. They are not accustomed to seeing people with darker complexions.” Lyra explained. I stared at her in the mirror and she smiled, “Many people with skin darker than yours grace these shores. They just have an aversion to mixing the bloodlines. Once they meet you, they’ll love you.” Her assurance did little to curb my worries, but I decided to do whatever I could to cause little trouble.

So, I stand there in the gaudy makeup, anxiously approaching my new home. Chan-Yung stands next to me and I swallow the lump in my throat. “You’ve done a great job avoiding me these past few days.” He whispers hooking our arms together.

“You didn’t really make it easy to do. You seemed to be wherever I turned.” I say back.

“As I’ve stated since the start, you are mine. No matter where you go or what you do, that fact will not change.” Our eyes meet and I can see the challenge in his gaze.

“It almost seems as though you love me, My Lord.” I say through clenched teeth.

“I despise you. But for the sake of my goals, I will tolerate you. Once we are married, I suggest you tread very carefully. My mercy has limits.” He forces my hand closed around his wrist and I wince in pain as my bones pop. “Now, smile, My Darling. Our public needs to be convinced of our love.” His smile is dazzling as he stares at me and I am shocked how amazing he is at putting on a show. Hatred bubbles inside of my gut and I force a smile of my own. I am ready to play his game now. We shall see who wins in the end.

The ship docks and Chan-Yung guides me down the ramp to the awaiting carriages. I catch a fleeting glimpse of Chan-Il entering a carriage with Lord Ryeok and Ha-Rae. Our carriage is opened, gilded, and pulled by seven white horses. Chan-Yung helps me onto the plush white seats and he takes his place beside me. Guards on horseback surround us on all sides and we head off down the paved path leading from the shore. The sound of hoofs on cobblestone is unusually soothing and I watch as the scenery changes around me. I see small huts dotted along grassy hills, mountains far off in the distance, and livestock grazing in fields.

“It seems you have a new attitude towards me. You always shrinking away and showing fear annoyed me to no end.” From the corner of my eye I can see him looking at me. His eyes are calm, but the tone he takes holds a hint of danger.

I choose my words carefully, “I am to spend my life with you now, Chan-Yung. I cannot spend the rest of my time cowering in fear from you. I want to trust you and show you affection. But,” I turn to him and give him the full effect of my honey-brown eyes, “a relationship is two people working together to create something wonderful. I can’t be in this relationship by myself, nor will I allow myself to feel fear towards you. I’m a born Luna. I refuse to be intimidated.”

His eyes flash with contempt, but his smile is sweet. “Nice words from a traitor's spawn. Your mother betray her partner and her pack for love. And, in a bid for comfort, she sold her oldest daughter. Did you ever wonder why you and not your other siblings? Our family did not care that they had been married before. Your mother insisted on you.” My heart stalls. I search his face for some signal that what he says is a lie. He maintains his smile and his eyes bore into mine daring me to deny his words.

“You cannot even refute my words. Deep down you know it’s true. You were cast out by your mother because you are a reminder of the life she had with her old partner. She wanted a new life with her Mate and the kids she bore for him. Your father would never leave her alone as long as you were there tying them together. Now, they can both get on with their lives and forget anything they had together with you gone. You speak haughtily of being a Luna, but you are nothing but a discarded remnant of an old life.”

“THAT’S A LIE! MY FAMILY WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME! YOU HEARD THEM IN THE FOREST! THEY WERE SENDING THEIR LOVE TO ME!” I cried fighting the tears that formed in my eyes. Doubt fills my gut and I push the feeling away wanting to believe my mother and father still loved me. I needed to believe someone loved me!

“Those were howls of celebration. We did not keep them from coming to see you off. They did not want to come. It is that simple. With the few vassals we brought with us, if they had insisted on being there on the shore, we would have been unable to stop them. You mean nothing to them now. You have served your purpose.” He leans away from me and looks forward. There is a satisfied smile on his face and I am left reeling with the words he just told me. I slump back against the seat feeling hollow. All the emotions I had been feeling since leaving home vanish like smoke. The empty void stretches ahead of me and I cannot find a single emotion to fill it. The world around me fades into background noise and all I can hear is my heart in my ears. Surprisingly, the pace is steady. I feel something hit my hands and realize tears are falling. I reach up absently to wipe them away and the world comes back into focus.

We are approaching a steel gate set into a wall taller than any I had seen before. There is a drawbridge that slowly lowers to form a bridge leading to the gate. I can hear cheers and shouts as we draw closer. Chan-Yung takes my hand and gives it a hard squeeze, “Have a meltdown later, right now you need to put on a good show. Unless you want to be kicked out of this place, as well. No point in losing two homes.” His words cut me like a blade and I swallow against the lump in my throat. He gets to his feet pulling me with him and holds me against his side. “I suggest you find a smile to put on your face.”

I feel my lips curl up, but nothing else materializes. I will put on a show since I have no choice. I am an unwanted child. I was sold and shipped away to a land far from my homeland. My parents had other children and lives to live without room for me. This was the only place I had left to go. This man, my only support. As we pass through the arching gateway into the crowded streets lined with people throwing confetti and rice in raucous celebration, I look up at the top of the wall. For the briefest moment, I wonder if jumping from it would be better. At least, it would be something within my control.