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Chapter 5: Shaking Resolve

The bath is located on the lower deck down a narrow hallway. There is a wash area, a changing area, and a soaking area. Each room has a different decor. The changing area is the one we enter first. It is polished wood, that Lyra called “water treated” to keep it from being ruined by the steam. There are cubbies with towels, bathrobes, and mirrors lined along both walls. I stand before one of the mirrors while Lyra helps me out of my gown. I notice she is staring at the blood stain around the collar and down the back.

“Do you think you can wash that out? It’s the last thing I have from my homeland. I would like to salvage it if possible.” Lyra smiles at me and nods.

“Don’t worry, Miss. I’m accustomed to washing out blood. Working for this family makes one an expert.” Her voice is cheerful despite the topic and I guess something in my eyes causes her to backtrack. “Oh, forgive me. I don’t mean to scare you or speak out of turn, it’s just…” She chews on her lower lip and fiddles with the lace at the hem of my dress. “You seem like a nice woman, Miss. This Clan is not what it seems. I’ll help you as much as I can, but you should prepare for anything to happen.”

“Should I be afraid, Lyra’?” I ask.

Lyra gives me a sad smile and shakes her head. “I can’t say more. Just be careful with the Young Master. He is…unique and unnecessarily creative.” She sighs heavily and hangs my dress on a rack in the corner. “Enough of that. Let's get you cleaned up.” She ushers me through a set of double doors into the washing room. The washing room is made of treated wood. A row of stools with buckets in front of them line one wall. Lyra sits me on one of them and I see a small, silver faucet-looking object hanging on the wall. Pale yellow towels hang on silver hooks next to the faucet and Lyra pulls one down.

“This might be a bit uncomfortable at first. Just bear with me.” She gets behind me and starts scrubbing vigorously at my back. The towel is rough and dry. It feels like sandpaper against my skin. I wince as she scrubs every inch of my naked body. She is careful to avoid the bandage on my shoulder that she had placed to cover the wound left by Chan-Yung, but she is unforgiving with the rest of me. By the time she is done, I feel as shaky as a newborn horse and just as raw.

“You said ‘uncomfortable’ not painful.” I groan as I try to rise to my feet.

“Sorry. You have to be scrubbed clean before soaking in the bath. That’s how we keep the water clear. Filling that tub takes days.” She reaches around me and takes the faucet off the wall. Warm water cascades over my body. Despite how raw my skin feels, the trickle of the water doesn’t sting. It’s a soothing rhythm and I find myself relaxing into it. Lyra places the faucet on the ground and grabs one of the bottles she brought with her from the changing room. It is an intricate, glass bottle, possibly handcrafted. She opens the cork and the scent of pine and lavender fills the air.

“That smells amazing.” I breathe, taking in the heady aroma.

“It’s a specialty from Gwandeong. They have a thriving perfume and cosmetics industry. Everyone there is very particular about their appearance.” She pours a thick, gold liquid onto a softer towel and wash my skin slowly. She allows me to clean my own lower region, but she takes over again once it’s time to do my legs and feet. A quick rinse from the faucet washes the suds away and then she washes my hair. I can smell the honey and oats hair product I use, fill the air, but it is instantly snuffed out by the lavender shampoo. Both scents are then rinsed away.

“Alright, that should do it. Now time for the best part.” She gathers the scrubbing towel, the washing towel, and the body wash into a small white bucket. She walks over to the last set of doors, these more grand than the first two, and pushes them open.

Steam flows out of the room and swirls around my legs. The same scent of pine and lavender reaches me in the haze and I step into a marble room with a gargantuan pool in the center. Two stone wolves spew water from their mouths into the water and pink flowers I have never seen before float lazily on the surface. The window that takes up an entire wall looks out over the dark ocean and mirrors adorn the other two sides of the room. A magnificent diamond chandelier hangs over the water and casts its golden reflection back at me.

I look at Lyra and she just smiles and leads the way to the steps that disappear beneath the water. She holds her arm out to me and I take it as I make my way down the smooth marble steps. The water is the perfect temperature and I walk in until the water is up to my chin. I make my way to the other side and rest my forearms on the edge. The dark water beyond the window looks like a rippling mirror. The lights from the ship distort as waves rise and fall.

“This is magnificent. It almost makes my forced marriage worth it.” I say in a soft voice.

“I hope you can find more to love in your new life,” Lyra says. She stands against one of the stone wolves watching me. A tear escapes the corner of my eye and mingles with the sweat and steam on my face. I push the sadness away before it can form and I collect myself. Taking several deep breaths I let my arms fall to my waist. I submerge myself beneath the water. I sink until my butt touches the bottom and I curl up there. I calm my heart the way my father taught me. I hear nothing except the press of water in my ears. It is hotter below the water, but it’s a comforting heat. I hide my face in my arms and disappear into my mind. In the darkness behind my lids, I am running with my parents again. They bite and roll over each other playfully. I pounce on my father’s back and he bucks in a weak attempt to throw me off. His jet-black fur is smooth against my paws. My mother, her fur silver in the morning sun, watches us from the shade of the giant willow tree. The pink flowers are in bloom and I can almost smell their sharp aroma. This is my happiest moment. I am young, wild, free, and loved.

It takes a long moment for my oxygen to run out and I rise steadily to the surface. I clear the water from my eyes and push my hair away from my face. A shiver runs down my spine and I feel eyes watching me. I look towards the door and see Chan-Il standing there.

“If you are seeking your eternal rest, please don’t do so on our ship.” He is naked from the neck down and a pair of black shorts cups his waist and thighs perfectly. I can see a bulge the size of my forearm lying against his thigh.

My heart pounds for a different reason and I can taste his scent in the steam. For a moment I am at a loss for what to say. His yellow eyes refuse to release me from their spell. I mentally shake myself and sink deeper into the water.

“I have no intentions of dying. Especially not in such a pathetic way.” I say in a small voice.

“I don’t know. Drowning seems like a more peaceful way to go. You simply fall asleep under the water.”

“You say that as though you’ve thought of it before.”

“I may have.”

We lapse into silence. After a long pause, I finally speak again, “Are you not getting in?”

His eyes go wide and one of his eyebrows quirks up. “You expect me to wade into a bath with a naked woman?” He is genuinely appalled.

I tilt my head in confusion, “Isn’t this a normal thing for our kind? It’s just another social activity.”

“Not in Gwandeong. We value privacy and boundaries. The only naked woman a man should gaze upon is his wife.” He motions for Lyra to come over and she does.

“I’ve always taken baths with members of my clan. We are not shy around each other as humans or as wolves.” I say preparing to step out of the water. “Besides, you’ve already seen me naked, right?”

His eyes darken as he watches me rise out of the water. There is an urge in his gaze and I want to explore it. He swallows hard and turns away from me. I am out of the bath now and Lyra is hastily wrapping a thick towel around my body.

“Please, Miss. This is very inappropriate.” She says in a shaking voice.

“You need to realize you are not in Cavill anymore. Whatever you are used to, whatever you have done in the past cannot and will not be done here.” His sharp tone gives me pause and I feel the crushing weight of realization hit me. Everything I once did comfortably will not be tolerated in this new land. I was going to learn a new way of living and my old life is over. Chan-Il still refuses to look at me and has even turned his body fully away from me.

“If I have offended you, I apologize,” I say softly and I hasten from the room. Lyra is at my heels and my heart pounds in my chest as I feel my resolve to embrace this new life start to crack.