My Childhood Crush

Chapter 12

I waited for Harry to return to get his possessions back. He ran off without gathering any of his things. He might not be that interested in getting back his clothes, but I was pretty sure his phone was important to him and even if he was fuming at me for God knows what, he would have to come back for it sooner or later, right? And speaking of phones...

Right at that moment, his phone went off, text messages flooding in it one after another. I glanced at the screen and bit my lip. It wasn't like I was snooping, it's just that it was right there, in my face. It couldn't hurt to take a look now, could it?

Maybe it was Harry, reaching out to me from another phone since he obviously didn't know my number by heart. Even I had trouble remembering my own number sometimes, so how could he?

Even I knew I was lying to myself, but I still looked, hoping Harry was trying to get in touch. I wanted him to come back or at least text me.

But the person who wrote the message wasn't my pissed off.. friend? Fuckbuddy? What were we? We obviously weren't together, but were we exclusive at least? I had no idea and at this point I was scared to see another girl's messages, asking him to join her for dinner or more.

But no, that wasn't the case either. Instead, there were five messages from Zack - was it the same Zack that I had played pool with just a few days prior? It looked like he and Harry knew each other, so that could be him. Intrigued, I leaned closer to take a peek, but what I saw made my heart clench. He was talking about a girl. What that me?

Don't do it, man. said the first message.

You know you'll regret it. he continued.

She's not worth it. I stared at this one the longest.

It was me, wasn't it? But what was it that he asked Harry not to do? And what did he mean that I wasn't worth it? Who was he to tell Harry something like that? He didn't even know me for Christ's sake!

I scrolled to the bottom of their chat and found the last two messages that made me flinch.

She opened her legs for you right away. Who's to say she isn't doing the same for another guy? How could he be so cruel? But what was more important, why did he know what we had done the first day? Had Harry really told him everything?

It's nothing more than lust you feel. Don't be an i***t. This was the message that undid me the most though. Because if the others had left me confused and angry, then this one made me feel hopeful.

Two things were absolutely clear now: that was me Zack was messaging Harry about. And apparently, Harry had feelings for me.

Which Zack didn't approve of.

He was basically saying my golden boy to stay away from me because I was a slut.

And I had just told him that I wouldn't mind experimenting with threesomes. The timing couldn't be worse.

"No, no, no, no, no," I murmured in horror. I had never thought that the guy that I had been in love with since I was a teenager would finally have some kind of feelings towards me. And that I would f**k it all up so massively before anything more could've happened.

I needed to find him. I needed to say I'm sorry and find a way to somehow make this all work. I wasn't even sure about the things I said, I was just thinking out loud for Christ's sake! Now that I had had him, there was no way I would ever be okay with losing him. Harry was even better than I had imagined him, and, trust me, in my many many fantasies he was wonderful.

The problem I was facing now, though, was quite simple - I had no way of knowing where he could be. I knew none of his friends, except for Zack and he most definitely would not help me, even if could get in touch with him. I also had no idea where Harry usually hung out, and I hadn't even seen his apartment, because we only stayed in mine. I felt useless.

A sob broke out and then I was full - on crying. People glanced my way, but they diverted their gaze as if the sorrow I felt was contagious. I threw all our things in the bag and ran to my apartment.

I had hoped that he would be waiting at my door, but he wasn't here. The tears kept coming, but I felt numb now. I went to the bathroom, filled in the bath and went under the water, drowning out the rest of the world.