Ghost [Michael Jackson FF]

Chapter 19

I was sulking. In my room. I took a few days off work. I was not sure if I could even go into work again. Not after nearly dying. And Michael saving my life.

Every time I managed to fall asleep his voice kept ringing in my head. "Do everything you said you were going to do with your life!" How could I do everything? When the love of my life was gone?

Not only that everything happened so fast I never got a real chance to tell him how I felt for him. I did love him.

Now he died thinking I did not love him back. Tears fall down my cheek as my head rests on my tear stained soaked pillow. Depression was not my friend. Here I used love my job. I was excited to go into work. From discovering my powers.

To meeting Michael in the most magical way. The first time we could kiss. To the first time I got to see him smile at me.

Everything about him oozed magic. There was never going to be another for me. There was never going to be another Michael. More tears fall. I do not bother to grab a tissue from the box. I had emptied it out. There were tissues all over the floor.

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"Do you want to talk?" mom asks me. "Johnny came by. He was worried and he brought you soup. I told everyone you got sick from falling in the cold pool. I covered for you dear"

Mom sits beside me on the bed. I still say nothing more. I hug my pillow to my chest. Mom rubs my back. "I know it seems like the end of the world. But this was all for the best" she tries to tell me.

"Mom you do not understand. He did not have to cross over yet. He had for me! He lost his life for me. He gave it all up for me. So that I could live! This is all my fault" I sob.

"He should not have been there. He knows he should have crossed over long ago" warns mom. "Yes, he had done a noble thing. But you two could have never been. He was not for you. Your love is out there. He is alive" mom tells me.

"Mom don't do that. There is love even after death" I tell her. "Just because dad died does not give you the right to be down on love in the afterlife" I snap at her.

"I am going to go. You need time alone" she harshly remarks as she gets up to leave.

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I felt bad for what I said to her. I did not mean to lash out on her. She meant well. But she should not bring up the fact I had to move on without Michael right now.

I sigh as I roll over on my back. She did not understand how amazing he was. How magical it was to get to know him. To meet my all-time favorite singer. He fell in love with me. And I could not even tell any of my friends.

Michael would not want me moping around the house. But I could not help it.

"Myla there is a phone call for you! Paris" calls gram.

"I will take it up here" I tell her.

I reach over and grab the phone line. "Hello?"

"How are you? Johnny told me you were sick?" she asks me. "I am so sorry you fell in the pool and nearly died"

"I am fine. I am a little sick. I will be better in a few days" I promise her.

"You will be going back to work then?" she asks me.

I wince. Back where Michael would never return to me.

"Sure" I hear myself say. At least I had his memories. No one could take those from me. Not even death.

"Wonderful. We look forward to seeing you there" she adds.

"Paris?" I ask.

"Yes?" she answers me.

"Have there been any more hauntings going on since I have been gone?" I wonder hopefully.

"No, the odd thing is there has not been one single thing going on now since you have not been there" she chuckles. "I really do not get it"

"Oh okay. See you in a few days" I tell her before we hang up.

There were no hauntings because Michael was gone. Gone. I wished I had told him I loved him. I did more than anything in the whole world. I loved him. But what could come of me telling him? We could not be together?

Ever!

Death parted us. In so many ways. Later that night my stomach finally felt hungry. I went downstairs when everyone else was in bed. I heat up the soup that Johnny had brought by for me.

I sit at the table. In the dark. Almost in the dark. There was a little night light on shimmering near the kitchen sink. I stir the spoon around in my soup. Thinking back on everything Michael ever said to me. How I was going to miss that smile. His sense of humor. That way he brought joy in my life.

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"You look like your dog just died" someone speaks up. I jump and snap out of it.

"Grandpa!" I say.

"I heard what Michael did for you. He did a very noble thing" grandpa tells me as he floats near me.

"I feel so bad grandpa. I could not bring myself to tell him I loved him. Because we could not be together. I thought it would bring him more harm. And now I wish more than anything that I could tell him I love him" I pout as I glance down at my soup. "I missed my chance"

"You can visit his grave. We can hear you in heaven. He could hear you" grandpa says.

"But his grave is guarded. I will never get near it" I warn him. "I can't"

"You can. Or are you afraid?" he asks me.

"Afraid. Then I have to admit he is gone" I sigh.

"We never are truly gone dear. We can always live on in memories. Or in your heart" he tells me.

"Why haven't you moved on grandpa?" I ask.

"I worry about your grandma. She won't move on she told me. And she has no idea what she will deal with. I want to make sure she is on the right path. So, we can be together" he explains.

"Why won't grandma move on?" I wonder.

"She worries about your momma. And you" he tells me. "your mother never moved on after your dad died" he tells me. "he passed on and never came back as a ghost. That brought no comfort to your mother"

"Oh" I sigh. "I can see why all this upsets mom"

Grandpa nods. "I want to make sure that even after death I can be with your grandma"

"I do not blame you" I tell him.

"Get some rest. Try" he adds.

"I will. I will. I will try what you said to" I say.

I eat some of my soup. Then I try to go to sleep. Michael had to know how I felt about him. I would never be at peace until he knew I was. The next day I drove to LA. I headed to the spot where Michael was buried.

I could only get so close to the grave site. The Jackson's had it heavily guarded. I did not blame them for that. This Hollywood grave was beautiful yet creepy. I find Michael's final resting place.

I wished he could be at Neverland like Elvis had been placed to rest over at Graceland.

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"Michael, I am so happy to have known you" I speak up as I place my hand on the wall where he was located at. Tears come to me. I had to say this. I hoped he could hear me. "Michael you were so brave for what you had done for me. Giving me your life"

I brush back tears. My lower lip trembles.

"No one but us will ever know" I tell him. "I have grown to know you in sometime now. And I have something to share with you. I wished I had told you when I had the chance. I was scared. I was stupid. I should have told you sooner. But death always parted us. In so many ways" I explain. "I wish we had found each other before death. But that was not the case. You are amazing. Magical. I only came to share how I felt. How I feel and will always feel for you. Michael.... I can never love another. Not the way I do for you right now. I hope you can hear this. Somehow if the heavens allow it to be. I love you with my full heart. My whole soul. Everything I have to give. I am in love with you. That is the only thing I can't do in life. I will never give my heart to someone else. Because you already have it" I finally admit to him.

I sigh as I close my eyes and rest my hand still on his name on the wall. I can glance past the bars there and see where his resting place is at. It is peaceful. Beautiful.

I wished I could know he heard me. Somehow. I feel something touch my hand. Making me jump. I snap my eyes open. I glance over at my hand. A huge, lovely monarch butterfly was on my hand.

They say that butterflies were a sign from the heavens above. How did this one get in here? No doors were open. No windows? How? I laugh as tears of joy come to me. The butterfly crawls on my hand as I look at it.

"Oh, Michael you make me smile even after death parted us" I manage to say. "You heard me. You heard" I laugh.

I head out of there. I stop by the flower garden. And place the butterfly free there. Then it flies off into the beautiful blue sky. I laugh as I watch it flutter away.

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