Whispers

Collisions

Lucius sat at his desk staring at the blankcomputer screen for what seemed like hours. The sunlight coming from the windowbehind his desk seemed a different angle than when he’d sat down that morning.In addition to his distraction, he made a mental note to remind Shamus to layoff using too much lemon wax on the bookshelves. Every inhale stung, whichprevented him from concentrating on the task at hand.

It normally tookLucius minutes to write a report on a whispering, especially since his latestjob was so simple. A boy afraid to come out to his parents. His boyfriendpressuring him out of the closet. A bottle of pills. It didn’t take more thanfifteen minutes—a personal record for Lucius. But the words wouldn’t come. Itdidn’t feel right anymore to cavalierly jot down the life he had helped die. Hemight as well be called a murderer.

It might not be hisfinger on the trigger, or his hand guiding a knife over a wrist, or his palmshoving pills into his mouth, but it was most definitely his voice that guidedthem toward whatever end he’d seen fit.

Theshooting at Blackwood High still clung to him like a specter unwilling to beexorcised no matter how much he tried to forget. In a remote corner of hisheart, he knew he’d gone too far. Of course, this was a corner he wouldn’tvisit on his own. But all he had to do was remember Desmond’s face that day andhe’d know the truth of what he’d done. Tommy taking his own life would havebeen sufficient. In fact, that was the job, not the shooting. But in Lucius’smind, he knew what he did was right in the long run. He was looking at thebigger picture of it all.

Blackwood may be inmourning, but all those kids being bullied in that school should rejoice. Theyfinally found respite from one of their own. Tommy’s voice joined the hoard inhis head. He was one of them, every day convincing him to stop, to leave behindthe only job he knew how to do. What would become of him if he decided to leavewhispering behind?

It was unheard of.No whisperer dared, or for that matter, wanted to leave the post given. Whywould Lucius be any different? Why would he even begin to contemplate that hecould get away from it all?

Even Desmond, inspite all his obvious sympathies toward humans, wouldn’t leave the job. Luciusdidn’t even think Desmond contemplated the possibility of dropping everything.He may refuse a job, but to actually turn his back on the life?

Luciusgave into massaging the throb that had been playing a steady beat in histemples since he'd opened his eyes this morning. He was thankful Shamus hadn’tcome to him with new jobs. Since the day he’d almost tapped himself out onresidual energy, his caretaker had been weary of Lucius, only seeing him whenabsolutely necessary. Lucius couldn’t blame him for staying away. If he hadn’tmade it in time to the basement, he would have drained whatever energy wasclosest at the time. Shamus was pure ectoplasm. He was enough to power threehungry whisperers if he was so inclined.

Thesmallest of smiles manifested on Lucius’ face. He made a mental note ofthreatening to drain Shamus when his caretaker became too lippy for his owngood. But thoughts of draining residual energy led to the one memory he spent agreat part of his waking hours trying to avoid.

Ithad been a week since he ran away from Karina at the cemetery. He leaned backinto his high-backed chair and slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.He actually ran away from her. Ran away like a dog with its tail between itslegs. He didn’t know what was more pathetic: That he was so nervous sittingbeside her or that he had to use all his self-control to keep from kissing herat a cemetery. At a cemetery. And the thought of wanting to kiss her. Where hadit come from?

Not once had heconsidered being intimate in any way with anyone. He had watched countlesswhisperers getting together. He’d had offers before, but he’d never acted onthem. His job was his life. But after leaving Karina that afternoon, he wasn’tso sure anymore.

Theblank screen still staring at him, Lucius moved his gaze to the grandfatherclock at the corner of his room. The long hand moved to the twelve and thefirst chime filled the four walls of his study.

By the third chime,Lucius knew what he wanted to do. He closed his eyes and when he opened themagain, he was standing across the street from Blackwood High. A flood ofstudents burst from the double doors, eager to leave the confines of the brickbuilding for other pursuits.

Along one side ofthe chain link fence sat a massive shrine for the lives lost. Countlessbouquets of flowers sat among lit candles in glass containers. Pictures hunglong the fence along with posters with inspirational words.

Somewhere in the school, he felt a groupgather in a circle. The woman seated with the students called it GreifCounselling. A death in the school always called for some sort of supportgroup, but Lucius didn’t think they’d be so few. A couple of cheerleaders, anathlete, and the rest were the “regular” kids. Maybe they were the students inthe classroom at the time of the shooting, Lucius thought.

Then his senseszoned in on the girl he’d been seeing every time he closed his eyes. Her firefor hair was tamed into a subdued braid, which opened up her face. She had alight dusting of freckles that ran across the bridge of her nose and both hercheeks. She wore a black cardigan over a white dress and sandals. A silver dovepin on her collar caught the afternoon light.

Hislungs hurt. Lucius realized he’d been holding his breath. He didn’t thinkseeing her again would hold his attention so avidly that he’d forget tobreathe. She was the most beautiful creature in that room.

“Whatare you standing here for?”

Luciussucked in sharply, his heart pounding upon hearing Desmond’s voice.

“Geez! Don’t pop uplike that when I have my senses spread out.” He thumped his chest a couple oftimes to make sure his heart remained where it was supposed to be, then heshook his head. “One day, you’re going to kill me. See if you can handle thatkind of guilt.”

Desmondscratched his check, seemingly considering the idea. He frowned. “I don’t knowif I’ll be totally guilty for killing you. Lonely for a while, but not entirelyguilty since you’re obviously too far gone to even sense when someone else isappearing beside you.”

“Goodto know where your loyalties are at.” He gave his friend a crooked smile."But really, you'd be lonely without me?"

“Asif it isn’t a given. We’ve been through too much for me not to mourn your loss.Even just a little. You were there for me when I had to whisper to that cult.All those mothers and their children . . .” Desmond turned to face Lucius. “Iappreciate the bonding and brotherly love, but where is this all coming from?You seem mushier than usual.” He touched his fingertips to Lucius’ forehead.“Are you sick or something?”

Luciuspulled away sharply. “We don’t get sick.” He scowled, rubbing away the feel ofDesmond’s grubby fingers. Who knew what they’ve touched prior. “And returningyour question to you, what are youdoing here? Seems like you’re popping up more often than usual. Do you miss mycompany that much?”

Desmondreturned his chocolate gaze on the thinning crowd. “Can’t a guy visit his bestfriend whenever he likes?”

Luciusraised an eyebrow at him.

“I’mworried about you, bud. You don’t seem like your old self anymore.”

Itwasn’t Desmond’s words that went through Lucius like a sharp carving knife intoa slab of beef. It was the way he said it, the way he sounded genuinelyworried. Desmond would rather whisper to a child than show any emotion otherthan mischief. So, to save face for the both of them, Lucius answered the onlyway he knew how, with contempt.

“Saveyour bleeding heart for someone more deserving, Des. I do my job, and you doyours. There’s no need to spread that worry around. I’m here, aren’t I?” Luciusslapped his friend on the shoulder. “You seem like you’re in need of a strongdrink, what do you say? On me, of course.”

It was the best hecould do. Des was the latest of a string of people worried about him. What thehell was he doing that got them all uppity? First Shamus then he was put onprobation, and now Desmond? It wasn’t right.

Whatwas right anymore, anyway?

Thankfully,Desmond saved him from answering that question by saying: “Nah, I have a job todo. Just stopped by to check on you. Rain check?”

“Ifyou promise to stop being my babysitter.”

Desmondtreated Lucius to a toothy grin. And just as he was fading out, he said, “Areyou going to Janika’s party? It promises to be a wild one.”

Luciuslet Des disappear without answering. The last thing he wanted was to minglewith his own kind. Surely his Fade incident and how he’d drained those soulshad made the rounds already. Janika would eat it up if he showed up at herparty. He’d lose what little dignity he had left. And maybe that was what shewanted. She still stewed over snapping at her in front of everyone and wasbiding her time, licking her wounded pride until she could strike back.

Disgustedby letting thoughts of Janika seep into his consciousness, Lucius teleportedhimself to the room where the grief counseling session was being held. One ofthe cheerleaders had just finished her tearful reminiscence of that fatefulday. Her friend handed her a tissue, which she proceeded to empty her runnynose into.

“Shewas just such a great friend to me,” she said between sniffs, wadding up thesoiled tissue. “She always lent me her lip gloss when I leave mine at home, andthat’s all the time because I’m so forgetful. And I know it’s disgusting to besharing lip gloss, but she didn’t mind.”

A new series ofwails drowned out the rest of what she wanted to say. Her friend, who wascrying openly as well, rubbed circles down her back like any good backstabbingfriend would.

Luciushad to fight not to roll his eyes. They couldn’t see him, but it wouldn’t beproper. The voices in his head certainly agreed, easing some of their pressurebetween his ears. He circled the gathering like he did when he neared Karina onthe bench at the cemetery. He only stopped when he stood directly behind her,and just in time, too. The counselor addressed her. He held his breath once more,anticipating the lilting sound of her voice to fully calm the voices in hishead.

“Whatabout you, Karina? You’ve been quiet today,” the counselorsaid.

Karinafolded her hands over one another on her lap and sighed. She took a moment togather her thoughts before addressing the circle. She looked at each and everyface. Then she said, “We’re all here because of the tragedy that happened aweek ago today.”

“You’redamn right it’s a tragedy! How are we going to win the championship withoutNick?” the athlete declared in utter outrage.

“Please,Troy,” the counselor held up her hand, “remember what I said at the beginning of thismeeting.”

Thewhole circle except for Karina said in unison, “When someone speaks, let themfinish.”

“Thankyou.” The counselor, in her tight bun and faux turtle shell-rimmed glasses, nodded insatisfaction.

Lucius didn't likeher. He could see right through to her intentions. She didn't really care aboutwhat happened with Tommy. In fact, she didn't even know who Tommy was prior tohim bringing a gun to school that day. Lucius folded his arms in front of hischest and stared bullets at the woman.

She squirmed in herseat when she said, “Karina, please continue.”

Karinagave Troy a soft smile, one so open, it made the jock blush. Lucius caught himself thinking if he snapped his fingers Troy wouldfind himself in the middle of the Sahara desert. Naked. With no food. Betteryet, with man-eating camels after him. What? Man-eating camels? Lucius wasshocked at himself.

“I completelyunderstand where Troy is coming from.” Karina placed a delicate hand over herheart. “I know that deep down Troy really misses Nick. It’s not about winningthe championship, is it Troy?”

The boy’s defenses crumbled. He grabbedfor the tissue box being passed around and pulled out several to muffle hissobs with.

Karina continued, undaunted. “Everyoneknew those who lost their lives that day. It’s good that we are all here toshare our experiences and mourn together. But maybe we should also askourselves why this tragedy happened.”

“It’s because thatjerk Humphrey couldn’t take a little teasing!” Troy said and most of thosepresent echoed his sentiment with agreements of their own.

The counselor saidnothing.

“He was bullied!” agirl who wore too much eyeliner said above the voices of the others. “I knewTommy. He wouldn’t hurt anyone. He was pushed to bring that gun to schoolbecause of what Nick and his gang was doing to him on a daily basis.”

“Lana’s right,”another girl with red streaks in her hair said. “I saw his bruises, and no onedid anything about it.”

She glared at the counselor then. Thewoman’s face flushed scarlet.

“That judgment isuncalled for,” the counselor said. She raised her hands. "Will everyonesettle down, please? This place is for us to share our grief and to findclosure. What Tommy did was unfortunate. But we can't really sit here and pointfingers at anyone we believe was at fault. What happened cannot be changed, butwe can certainly move forward knowing what we need to change in us to ensurenothing like this will happen again."

“Mrs. Willis isright,” Karina said. The pensive look on her face made Lucius ache to touch herhand, to entwine his fingers with hers. “No matter what Tommy did, I believe hewas a good person. And any good person can be driven toward ungodly acts ifpushed to the breaking point. I’m not here to defend him. I just want all of usto acknowledge that it could have been anyone of us. If we went through whatTommy went through on a daily basis, what would we do about it? What wouldhappen to us?”

Everyone in theroom fell silent. Many stared at the floor. The cheerleaders huddled together.Troy covered his face with his hands and breathed in deeply. The woman, the oneKarina called Mrs. Willis, reached up and dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

"I believe we'veabsorbed more than our share for the day," Mrs. Willis said. "I wantus to all think about what Karina said. She made a very good point. If we werepushed to our breaking point, what would we do? I want you to think of your answersand share it with us here tomorrow. And if there is anyone who wants to talk tome privately, my office is always open between the hours of nine to three.Don’t hesitate to come and see me. Also, please encourage anyone who youbelieve will benefit from these meetings to attend. Remember our goal?”

“To help each otherstand until we can stand on our own,” they all said, including Karina.

“Good.” Mrs. Willispicked up the tablet resting on her lap and stood up. “Troy, please supervisereturning all the chairs to their proper places before leaving. Stay safe,everyone.”

Lucius moved to thecorner of the room while the students shuffled about. Some stuffed balled upwads of tissue into the trashcan while Troy directed the other boys in the roomlike a general moving his troops into position. The scraping of chairs gratedon Lucius’ nerves, but most of his attention was on Karina, who had beenconsoling the cheerleader who had been speaking about lip gloss. She had herarm around the girl.

It was such atender moment. Lucius felt his lungs squeeze together as if he couldn’t inhaleenough to fill them. She was pure light, the girl who had saved his less thansignificant life. If there was someone who deserved to die, Lucius was sure itwas himself. But, despite being a stranger, and a strange one at that, fadingbefore her eyes, Karina didn’t think twice about helping him.

Lucius’ heart contracted at the merethought of her goodness. And all that time, the voices inside him remainedsilent, like her presence rendered them mute. Why was that? What power did shehold that silenced the ghosts of those he’d whispered to?