If I can start over: A new world

III. Two heads think better than one. Part 2

Tuesday, February 12, three o'clock in the morning. Building 5. Room 5313, across from the kitchen on the second floor.

Where the hell was that damn golden thread? I had read in books and blogs about its existence, and just now that I was experiencing this kind of anomaly, it was nowhere to be found. Supposedly, it is in the little finger, others say that it is in the index, while other stories tell you that it is located in the navel or even in the amygdala. Scientifically there is no proof of it, so it was perfect to grope around and find it, that way in the near or distant future I can disprove the other theories on my own, or even postulate my own.

Unfortunately for me, neither was correct. The only thing I could make out in the mirror above the kitchen sink was a kind of wake or mantle that came off me. At times, upon closer inspection, they seemed like little threads that unraveled my existence, and at other times, I fervently wondered if I had accidentally drugged myself.

Suddenly, my meninges were itchy. My brain itched in scales, started as a tickle, but worsened until I fell to the ground and moaned in pain. I put both hands behind my neck as I sobbed inward, not wanting to draw the attention of anyone around me, especially the unknown. The pain passed, it ended abruptly, the opposite of its outburst.

"Wow! At last, I found you! "Said a deep, guttural voice, coming from the environment, brought by the air and delivered by the breeze.

"Who you are?... Where are you? "I opened my eyes slowly, still with the pang that diminished with the seconds.

I searched the room cautiously. I moved slowly, like stalking prey. Closets were kept closed and padlocked. The bathroom was still without light and with the door together. No chair had moved from its place and no inhabitant of its bed.

"I'm here," the voice answered. "You don't remember me?"

"Where is 'here'?" My voice was a solid whisper, clear enough to understand, but not loud enough to disturb.

"Here," it repeated. "In your head."

"I don't understand." I looked up at the ceiling and unconsciously opened my mouth.

"You really don't know who I am?" The voice answered suspiciously. "Don't play tricks on me that you know, I can't stand them."

"You can go whenever you like. It's not my problem. " I still touched my temples and caressed them with my fingertips, hoping that that massage would ease the pain.

"Oh... so this is the beginning." I noticed the sadness in the voice.

"The beginning of what?"

"Of everything. The first time I came to your rescue. You already knew me, but I didn't know you. Now it is, on the contrary, " it explained.

"What... you rescued me? What are you?"

"A Ratgeber. I will guide and advise you from now on, just as I have been doing forever."

"I don't understand..." I sighed. "Where are you?"

"Everywhere you go."

"But what are you? For real," I was losing patience, and that's saying enough. "Can you explain it in words that I can understand?"

"Every person has a Ratgeber, a counselor. It is a little voice in the head that tells them what to do, what they want, or what they admire. They point out your likes or your flaws. They help you choose, decide."

"Are you my conscience?"

"Something like that..." I heard a sigh. "The psychology you read defines us as the three selves, but basically we are only one until the person is given to create more."

"You mean the..." I thought for a moment of the correct name "dissociative personality disorder? Are you my personality too?"

"No, I'm not your personality. I cannot take your consciousness nor take over your body. I am... an astral entity. I have one more dimension than you, that's why you can't see me, but I..."

"Do. You do see me." I finished its sentence.

"Exact. Smart boy." I felt a wink, but I didn't sense myself strangely at any time.

"And why me? Why isn't the same thing happening in other people?"

"It is difficult to hear the awakening, and sometimes, only sometimes, some people can feel our presence or even see us in photos, we are what they usually call... "

"Ghosts," I whispered.

"Very well..." It paused a little. "So, we are always destined for someone here, we bond with a person and we stay with them because we like their company, for some reason that we don't know or we just forget. Obviously, each of us is different and looks for different things. But there are moments, strange in time, that some people can make contact with us. Like you, now, or like your friend Holger, while he sleeps."

"Can Holger hear you too?" I raised an eyebrow, surprised and curious.

"Holger can hear his respective Ratgeber in his sleep. Sometimes you can feel the presence of others, but it is far from being able to do so voluntarily."

"And is he awake too?" I exaggerated the tone on the last word. "How many more have done it this year?"

"This year? You are the first in more than five hundred years if I am not mistaken. And no, Holger only has a clear conscience when he is a sleepwalker, like many others."

"Five hundred... Who are you exactly, did someone send you? Does this contact mean that I can talk to you from now on?"

"I repeat myself, I am your Ratgeber. Nobody sent me, since I was always here. And yes, every time you converse only now you will know that, in reality, you are not so alone... oh, and thank you."

"Why?" I frowned, still confused.

"For treating me as 'who' and not 'what' this time."

"You're welcome, I suppose..." I scratched my chin resting my right arm on top of the fold I made with my left around my chest. "So, you are an entity who has always been with me, and that influences my daily decisions."

"Not all of them. Only when you overthink things."

"So yeah, mean, always," I laughed for a moment. The voice stopped being serious, now I could hear it more clearly. She laughed too. "Interesting," I muttered.

"What's interesting?" She asked, now she is in my position: confused.

"You're a woman." I suspected, I felt it inside me.

"Yes, I am," she sighed. "You see, men in three dimensions tend to attract women in this world, and the same goes for women; they usually attract men from around here. But obviously, the opposite happens sometimes."

"That... world?" I smiled curiously and nervously at the same time, as I asked the question as long as I wanted. "Identical to mine?"

"In a certain aspect... when you die you pass into our dimension; and when we pass away, we go back to yours. It is a cosmic exchange that helps keep balance and other events in order."

"What other events do you mean?"

"People who shouldn't die so early, or catastrophes that shouldn't happen. I couldn't tell you about your reality, because I'm not sure which ones are real and which ones are not, in my memories." She stiffened, I could feel it. "Bad things happen to reveal the future, especially the wrong one."

"Are there many futures?" I had another question in mind but waited.

"There should be only one, but for some reason, I don't know which one is the exact one now. I guess you have to wait your turn to find out the truth."

"Should I die?" My voice was the one that died last, out of tune.

"Not necessarily, you just have to wait a bit. That part is not up to me ... I think."

"Isn't it up to you? Who then?"

"Just wait. Must be about to arrive... I guess."

"I just have a lot of questions, and I'm not even sure where to start." I frowned as I stood on the carpet in the darkroom.

"Don't worry, we've got plenty of time. I'm not going anywhere" 'Going anywhere' I thought.

"Can you... die? I mean, you said you can pass away so, dying is the same for you?... and I guess the other dimension you have is time, right? So maybe, that makes the difference"

"Right... you read it in the black hole research last year for the radiation course. I also enjoyed that reading. Very, very educational. "She tried to avoid my question.

"I understand that you were with me the whole time..." I blushed, thinking of all that he might have seen. "But don't evade my questions, I guess you know that irritates me."

"Haha. Yes, I've known you for a long time, you have no idea since when. " She sighed again. "I can die, just like you. In this case, if you die, our bond disappears, I fade away and return to the earthly world, meanwhile, I try to enjoy this stay. Although I have heard that eternity gets boring. To be honest with you, I don't remember how I got here, my mind has completely erased how... I passed away."

"And do you remember anything from your previous life?"

"Well, I don't know... my name? I've never really thought about it. The memories in my mind are blurry. I remember cracks in my heels, and suddenly, I heard you whisper my name at some point in that space. I got closer, and I saw you. You smiled and welcomed me as if you were welcoming an old friend."

"How weird. Do you remember how old I was?" I tried to get something out of her.

"To be honest, I have no idea. By deciding to wake up with you all my memories have been clouded, but for some reason, I can still remember fragments. I don't even know very well what past you belong to, I don't know if it was you who called me that time or it was another you in a different timeline than this one." I failed Olympically.

If she was like me, probably the only way to get interesting things out of her was to either earn her trust enough or give her a drink, which I think is impossible.

"Your name," I changed the subject. "You haven't told me that yet."

"You know... intrigue tempts me..." she paused and left everything in silence for a moment. "You called me the first time I saw you, maybe at least you remember my name..."

"I really have no idea," and I moved my hands, as if in front of me. I kept talking to the glass in the bedroom window. I had walked there, forgetting the whole situation before.

"Guess what," she challenged me. "I want to test this moment. They all say that we cannot see beyond when we are earthly, but there are some, like you, who can feel certain events, who are with one foot here and the other there. Do it ... guess."

"I just ... I have no idea..." I felt another tingling on the back of my neck. I started having memories that weren't there before. The talk I had weeks ago in Astrid, Claudia, and Alexandra's room. Ramcés was also present. That peculiar gathering so private, so personal, had completely changed.

"Are you okay?" She asked me. "You saw something, right?"

"Yes..." I started. "but it is not from the future, It is from the past. Something has changed in my memories."

"Okay, it's happening..." she sighed. "Think about the memory, and I'll take a look at it."

I felt a slight blow in the middle of my forehead that gently propelled me back and opened my eyes to a brilliant alabaster white. I felt how she was sinking into the sea of my memories and swimming in my mind, diving to the depths of my thoughts.

"It's strange," she said when I was back to normal. "Your past... is branching. It is like a diffuse spot that splits at one point and ties together at another."

"What did you just do?" I asked, rubbing my scalp for relief.

"I just entered in your remembrance. I do it often when you dream, you know, it's simply because of your nature. Don't you remind me of your dreams?"

"It was you?" I sighed, still giddy.

"Yes... but they are not complete. In your memories, many dreams should not exist. Many of them have been cut or supplanted for every moment that I spent with you while you were sleeping."

"So... it's true that when you dream you enter another..." I stopped, ordering my ideas.

"Dimension," she finished. "Exact. And you know how to control that dimension when you dream. As far as I could hear. To many it happens only a couple of times, instead, you do it very often."

"Yes, I know." I was embarrassed, for everything childish or exotic that she could witness while I slept. "What did you explain to me about my past?"

"There is a tremendous black stain on it. Your dreams are patched with it too. It should be... a little different."

"How can that happen? I remember perfectly that…" and that's when I noticed it. I didn't remember anything clearly.

"You did notice, right?"

"Yes... I remember how things happened but in different ways. Both memories remain with me, but I know very well which one is correct. How can I fix it? How did it happen?"

"I'm not really sure... I know what you can achieve, I've seen it, but that stain shouldn't be there," she snorted. "It was different at Roslagen..."

"How did you get here?" I remembered wanting to ask her a long time ago, and I did when I realized she was speaking to herself. "How did you decide to talk to me all of a sudden?"

"I lost track of you for a second. By the time I got back, you were on the ground, sobbing in pain. I've never seen you like that. And I didn't decide suddenly. We have known each other for a long time. But my memories are in a mess right now. "I felt nostalgic in her words.

"I had a corner inside my head," I explained to her as best I could. "It was as if something inside was going to explode..." I continued with the other point. "So you are f*******n to speak to me unless I make direct contact with you."

"Not quite. Have you ever seen a person talking to themselves? "I nodded." Well, those are the ones who woke up suddenly and can establish a connection with us, not as strong as you and me, but they awake enough and are almost always taken for insane. Others simply, because they know how to take good care of the secret and do not lose their minds. By the way, that's strange, about your migraine. You have never had anything like it."

"Right after that, you showed up."

"Do you blame me for that then?" I felt some suspicion in his voice, like anguish.

"I do not know. I just met you," I answered cautiously.

"Well, I don't. I'll help you fix this. As I told you, I am your Ratgeber, I will guide you in what I can until everything returns to normal."

"Okay, great." I smiled wearily, hopeful again that I can return to my current time. "Could you clarify something that just happened?"

"I'm all heard. Question."

"How is it that I can travel in time? What am I?"

"Uh..." the tension in this sigh was palpable even in this dimension. "But... you can't."