Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 17: A Simple Chit-Chat

    Last night, Noah and I went to bed with barely an 'I love you' shared between us and I ended up spending most of the night tossing and turning. Giving up on sleep, I finally went to the living room and curled up on the couch to watch infomercials on TV. At some point I must have fallen asleep because I wake suddenly to the sound of my alarm blaring in my ear. I sit up, disoriented and see that the TV is still on and based on the time I see on my phone screen, I'm assuming everyone is still asleep. I dig around the couch for a second, looking for the remote and cut the TV off before I stand and straighten the couch up and quietly head back to the bedroom. Slowly opening the door, I see that Noah is still sound asleep and he looks so peaceful laying there. I feel a pang in my heart while looking at him, my guilt eating at me for screwing everything up with him. I make my way to the bathroom and get ready for work as quietly as I possible can and sneak back out of the room to the kitchen to eat a little something before work. My stomach churns as I fish through the fridge looking for food. I end up just grabbing an apple and closing the fridge. Before I leave I write a quick message on the white board hanging next to the fridge.

    'Working open to close at the cafe today. Not sure when I'll be home. Holler if y'all need anything.'

    I stick the cap back on the marker and shove it into it's little holder and turn to head out for the day. Thankful to have my car back, I jump in and make my way to work. Just as I pull into the parking lot of the cafe, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. Getting out of the car, I pull my phone out and check to see who it was. It's a text from Noah.

Noah: 'So you just leave without saying goodbye or anything. And you didn't even sleep in our bed last night. I thought we worked things out and yet you are still acting like this.'

Me: 'I'm sorry Noah. You were sleeping when I had to leave and I felt bad waking you up just to say bye and I didn't stay in our bed because I was having trouble sleeping and I didn't want to keep you up with my tossing. And please enlighten me on how I am acting?'

Noah: 'I'm sorry babe. I just didn't sleep good without you in bed next to me and I woke up in bad mood. I didn't mean to snap at you. Have a good day and I'll try to make it over there for lunch with you. I love you.'

Me: 'I love you too. Have a good day. XOXO'

    I shove my phone back in my pocket and walk into the building in a bit of a daze as I try to recover from the whiplash I received from my conversation with Noah. If I was doubtful before, I'm definitely not now. Noah has never acted this way before in all the years I have known him. There is something seriously wrong between us and I need to figure out how to fix it and fast, but I don't know if I can.

    As I walk through the cafe towards the break room, I run right into Sophia, practically knocking her over. "Oh my goodness! Soph, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!" I quickly help her recompose herself and go to walk around her to the break room when she grabs ahold of my arm and stops me.

    "Well hello to you too woman! You've been M.I.A for like forever and then you're just going to walk right past me. What's going on with you?!"

    "I'm sorry Sophia. I just have a lot on my mind right now and I guess I spaced out. Noah and I are having some issues and I'm trying to figure out how to fix things."

    "Let's go to the break room then and talk where it's more private." she looks around the room at a few of our coworkers before continuing. "Too many nosey folks in here for us to talk." she lets go of my arm and we both head to the back. I shove my bag and untouched apple in my locker and turn around, leaning against the wall of lockers, to face Sophia. "Alright now woman, spill. Tell me whats going on."

    "I'm really not sure. It's a lot, but then nothing at all at the same time. You know about everything with my mom, well after she showed up here, a couple days later, my apartment complex randomly had a massive explosion. I'm sure you've heard all about it, it's why I haven't been at work in a while. To any normal person, the explosion seemed very accidental, but my dad and I had other thoughts. Before we could figure anything out, Noah's car was broken into while we were at dinner and of course, you know my dad is handling that too. So yesterday my dad wanted me to come into his office to talk about everything and I told Noah he couldn't come. He got really upset, obviously, because it was his car that was broken into, but I stayed on my dad's side and went alone. When I got home, we talked about everything and I admitted to him that I was in the wrong and I thought things were okay with us, but ever since last night, he has been acting really strange. Not affectionate, kind of distant, weird mood swings; just odd behavior for him."

    "Girl, deep breaths." Sophia takes my hand and leads me over to a chair, sitting me down and sitting herself across from me. "You are totally overthinking all of this. Men are emotional creatures, whether they want to admit it or not. I'm sure he is still just butt hurt that you put your dad before him. But, girl, he needs to wake up! Everyone that knows you, knows how protective your dad is and that he don't take no crap from no one. You could have brought Noah along, but he would have just kicked him out so that he could talk to you and make sure you were okay because you are his one and only priority. Noah needs to get over himself, girl."

    "I guess you may be right, I just can't help this sinking feeling in my gut. I just want to be able to work things out and move past this mess and back to our normal life together."

    "And y'all will. Y'all are meant to be, girl. Now let's get to work before boss man comes in and gets all grumpy." she laughs and pulls me up from the chair and gives me a hug. "Let's go to dinner after work, just us girls and we'll talk more about everything. Plus, I've got some really good news that I can't wait to share with you!" Sophia does a little happy dance before she turns and heads out to the floor with me following behind.

    It's a pretty slow morning for a Monday, just our regular hang around and drink coffee folks, so the first 4 hours of my shift seem to drag on endlessly. Thankfully it's almost lunch time, so I should get my break soon and then it's off to help with our lunch rush. I wait for my last table to finish up and leave and then I clean the table and head to the back. I've never heard anymore from Noah, so I'm not even sure he'll show up like he said and that's fine. Once in the break room, I grab the apple from my locker and plop down in the chair closest to me. I'm the only one on break for the moment, so I lay back in my chair and try to soak up all the silence I can. Just as I am drifting off into my own little wonderland, I hear someone clear their throat at the door. I jerk up right in my chair, startled by the sudden company.

    "Hey Em. I hope I'm not bothering you. Sophia said you just came back for break, so I thought I'd come join you." Noah walks into the room and takes the chair beside me. "Is that all you're eating for lunch?" he asks, pointing at the apple, still untouched in my hand.

    "Yes and no. I actually brought it for breakfast, but haven't really had much of an appetite. I figured I would try to eat it for lunch, but I'm still not sure I can stomach anything." I set the apple on the table and pull my eyes away from Noah's face, turning them down to my hands laying in my lap.

    "Is everything okay? You can almost as much as me any given day of the week, so are you getting sick or something?"

    "Maybe. I don't really know. I'm sure I'll be fine though. I don't get sick often."

    "If you say so. Well I ordered me a grilled sandwich and fries, so I hope it's okay that I eat in front of you. I don't want to be rude, but damn, I'm hungry."

    "No no. That's fine. You eat. I'm okay. I promise. I'm going to go out to dinner tonight with Sophia, if that's okay with you, and I'll probably just eat then."

    "Since when do you want my permission to do anything?" Noah pushes away the plate that one of the cooks just set down in front of him and folds his hands into each other on the table, eyeing me.

    "Umm, well I wasn't really getting your permission. It's more of a respect thing. I'm going no matter what, I've already made the plans with Sophia, I was just double checking with you, again, out of respect. What is your problem? Getting all uptight about everything."

    "I don't have a problem. You are the one hiding things constantly. Don't think I haven't caught on to your lies and secretiveness. I don't know what you're trying to hide, but whatever it is, I hope you are ready for some disappointment because I'm not going to keep getting lied to. So tell your secret lover or whoever or whatever you are trying to hide, that I'm on to it all." Noah pushes away from the table and stands up, towering over me. This is a side of him I have never seen before and honestly it's scaring me.

    "I think it's best that you leave, Noah. We can talk tonight when I get home, but this is not the time or the place for all of this." I feel the tears start to trickle down my cheek as I stand and struggle to look Noah in the eye. "Please. Just go. I love you, but I can't do this right now." I can see a sudden change in his demeanor when he sees the tears begin to flow freely down my cheeks, leaving the top of my shirt soaking wet.

    "Emma, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean all of that, I'm just frustrated. You have to understand my side of things." he walks towards me, stopping less than a foot away.

    "I understand completely, Noah. I have to get back to work and I would like a chance to try and compose myself before I have to walk back on the floor. We will finish this at home. Please leave." I walk past him, ignoring his extended arms as he tries to hug me. I'm beyond hurt right now and I'm not sure how to handle all of this. I know I';m guilty of lying and keeping secrets, but for him to stoop as low as thinking I could possibly be cheating on him, cuts deep and I am going to need sometime to recover from that. I make my way into the employee bathroom and splash some cold water on my face. After drying my hands and face, I send Sophia a quick text to see if Noah has left yet. She replies pretty fast and says yes, but he looked like a ghost of himself. I send a reply letting her know I would explain everything later and then shove my phone back in my pocket and make my way out of the bathroom and back out onto the floor just in time to catch the start of the crazy lunch rush. I spend the rest of the day pouring myself into my customers, focusing more than usual on my work just to keep my mind occupied. Before I know it, it's closing time, so I rush to make sure all my tables are clean and ready for the next day; restocking utensils and refilling condiment bottles. Once done, I head to the break room to grab my stuff and meet up with Sophia.

    Sophia and I decide to take my car and head to a little 24 hour fast food joint right up the street from the cafe. Once there, we both order a burger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake and grab a booth in the far back corner so we can talk. I fill her in on everything that happened while I was on break and she tries to get my some helpful words of wisdom, but deep down I don't truly know how to process any of this. In a desperate attempt to change the subject I decide to ask her about her exciting news.

    "So, new topic, what is this exciting news you were dancing about this morning? I've been itching to know ever since you brought it up."

    "OMG! I almost forgot! I have no clue how, but I did! Anyways, you will never believe what happened last week while I was working!" she pauses to take a long drink of her milkshake and picks right back up where she left off. "I was waiting tables like I'm supposed to or whatever and it was like super slow, which has been pretty normal lately. It's like, without you there, no customers come in, but I bet now that you're back we'll get super busy again..... Anyways! I'm waiting tables and this drop dead gorgeous guy walks in and sits in my section, looks at me and smiles while waving me over and immediately I think, 'okay he must be gay' because there is literally no other explanation. But OMG, Emma, he was NOT gay and i know this for sure because he went home with that night and he was very much a straight man, if you know what I mean. His name is Eddie and he's like my boyfriend now or something and he's so amazing!"

    "I'm happy for you Soph. It's about time you got yourself a good guy, but you now I'm going to have to meet him to get the final say so." I finally say after waiting a few seconds to make sure she was done talking.

    "Girl, YES! I'm so happy you said that because I think Friday night we should double date, so that you can meet him in a non threatening way."

    "I'm going to threaten him no matter what, but Friday sounds good to me. I'll try to talk to Noah and see if he has plans and then you and I can make things official later this week."

    We finish eating, continuing to chat about this Eddie guy and where all we might like to go on Friday, taking our time. I happen to look at my phone for the first time all evening and see about 20 texts from Noah and Amber and notice that it's almost 11 and we both have to be up early. We decide to head out and I take Sophia back down to the cafe to get her car and after making sure she gets in and drives off safely I turn and make my way home as well. Pulling into the driveway, I put the car in park and take a moment to breath and calm myself before going in. I sent a text to both Noah and Amber right after I dropped Sophia off, apologizing for not answering and letting them know I would be home shortly, so they shouldn't be too irritated with me when I get in. Deep down I'm really hoping everyone is asleep and I can go in shower and just go to bed. After barely and sleep last night and the crap day I've had, sleep is all I want.

    I unlock the front door of the apartment and quietly walk in, shutting and locking the door behind me. Just as I turn and start to head towards the room, I notice Noah on the couch, head in his hands, and I can hear him mumbling something to himself. I debate for a moment if I should go over to him or just act like I don't see him. I decide to go to him and check on him. He may have hurt me bad with his words, but I'm not a monster that wishes pain on him in return. I walk over to where he is on the couch and gently sit down next to him, placing my hand on his back. Instantly he turns and wraps his arms tight around me, pulling me into his lap and crushing me against his chest.

    "I was so worried you weren't going to come home tonight. Amber and I both tried to get ahold of you and Sophia and when we couldn't I even went as far as to call your dad. I stupidly told him what I did, so now I think he might want to kill me, but thankfully he told me where you were based on the GPS on your phone and then I got your text a few minutes ago and it eased my fears a little, but nothing could calm me till I had you back. in my arms. I hate myself for what I said earlier. It was stupid and uncalled for. I love you so much Emma and I can't live without you. Please say you'll forgive me?"

    "Yes, Noah, I'll forgive you, but only if you let me go a little so I can breathe." I push away from him slightly till I'm in an upright position and my lungs can function properly again.

    "Of course love." Noah laughs a little, loosening his arms a slight bit more around me. "What do you say we head to bed and try to get some sleep?"

    "Sounds like a plan to me. Let's go." I stand up from Noah's lap and pull him up from the couch, leading him to our room for what I hope is good night's sleep. Tomorrow we will talk through everything before we let things go any further.