It Was Only Ever Erin

Chapter 5 - Desire

Erin’s P.O.V

After making a frozen pizza, Jason and I just sat cross legged on my bed opposite each other, catching up on how things had been since high school – well, for me. Jason refused to tell me anything more about his life. I’d managed to deduce that he was working with Ollie as part of his Dad’s pretty sizeable drug ring and that he’d been shot in some kind of deal that had gone wrong. I told him all about my Dad’s death, Mom’s illness, Elliot going off the rails, how draining medical school was being, how lucky he was that he got shot on my day off otherwise I’d be at the hospital right now.

For some reason Jason had always been inexplicably easy to talk to, his attention always wrapped tightly around whatever I was telling him. It was weird, it was as though no time had passed at all sitting in front of him and talking. He looked almost exactly the same, except his features had hardened slightly and he now had a thick layer of stubble over his face. Oh yes, he had aged well. It made me feel a little self-conscious, I knew how pasty and tired I was looking. He looked at me the same way he’d always done though, with avid interest and a naturally cheeky smile on his face.

“Your professors sound like ass holes,” he said and I laughed loudly – Christ I can’t even remember the last time I laughed out loud properly. Jason winced and rubbed his aching head, “Jesus, I forgot how loud your laugh was,” he chuckled.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I love it.” We sat there for a long moment, smiling at each other in silence. “Do you remember the last time we saw each other?”

“Graduation day.”

“In the hallway.”

“You made it pretty hard to forget,” I smiled, chuckling at him and biting my bottom lip a little. “Why did you?” My eyebrows twitched together with the question.

“What?”

“Kiss me?” Ah, the question that had been on my mind for so long. Years now, for the memory of that kiss still occasionally popped into my head whenever I needed a pick-me-up, but was always accompanied by the question of ‘why?’. He looked at me, a slight nonchalant smirk playing on his lips.

“Did I need a reason?” I tried to keep the impassive look on my face, but my heart did give a slight twinge of disappointment. It had meant nothing to him – just a teenage boy’s whim. He seemed to have caught what I was thinking though and chuckled, smiling widely. Then there it was again, that devilish little glint in his eye, chewing the corner of his lip, looking like he was trying to decide something – just as he’d done 5 years ago.

Jason picked up the now empty plate between us and put it on the bedside table. He then leant forwards slowly, gripped my ankle and pulled me towards him with his good arm; our faces now only a few inches away from each other. He gently took my chin in his hand and my lips parted, my breathing picking up pace as I wondered what was about to happen.

He leaned in looking deep into my eyes, our lips almost touching and whispered, in a deep, ever so sexy rumble, “I kissed you because it was the only thing I’d been able to think about doing for a year… well, that and… other things I wanted to do to you.” It felt like my heart had stopped completely. Jason ran his thumb over my bottom lip and I pushed myself up onto my knees as I gently brushed my nose against the side of his, both of us breathing deeply into each other’s mouths. Yet, just as we were about to close the gap between us his phone started to ring. We both turned our heads to look at who was calling and the ID flashed up ‘Dad’.

“Um… I’ll give you some privacy.” I said looking back at him, before moving backwards off the bed and out of the room. I walked quickly into my living room/kitchen-diner and flopped face down onto the couch, heart still pounding. ‘Oh my God what am I doing?!’ was all I kept thinking. ‘I’m harbouring a fugitive! My drug dealer, ex high school crush no less!’. I groaned into the couch cushions and kicked my legs around in a silent tantrum.

Eventually I calmed down enough to walk into my tiny kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Sitting on one of the breakfast bar stools I buried my face in my hands, taking a few slow breaths. Slowly the images in my head of me behind bars for aiding and abetting started to be replaced by ones of Jason. Holding my face in his hands, looking deep into my eyes, our breath mingling together as our lips touched. His hands moving into my hair, mine trailing lower down his body. Yep, I had a problem. I knew I should have been thinking about how to get the sexy felon recovered and out of my home as soon as possible rather than thinking about straddling him, but this proved easier said than done. It really didn’t help that I hadn’t gotten laid in about six months and even then, it had been nothing to write home about.

Nope, coffee wasn’t strong enough for this level of mental collapse, only one thing would do… to the chocolate cupboard! I grabbed a bar, ripped open the wrapper and started chewing distractedly, pacing around with my arms wrapped around myself.

“You know you’re a doctor, you should know those things aren’t good for you.” I turned around to see shirtless Jason leaning in the archway to the kitchen – really not helping my current predicament.

“And drugs are?”

“I don’t do the drugs, I just sell them.”

“Ah,” I gave a panicky little chuckle and kept pacing and eating my candy bar. “Well, like your clientele, I’m not using this to solve my problems, just cover them up for a few hours.” Jason laughed and made his way further into the room towards me, putting his hands on my hips to stop my frantic movements.

‘Ooh god yes, touch me more’ – no Erin!

“When am I gonna be able to leave? My Dad needs me back at work.” he asked looking down at me. Part of me wanted to say never, the giddy high school part. The other part knew that this, me and Jason, could never be a real thing. The circles we moved in were quite clearly more different than ever. I gave my head a mental shake and cleared my throat.

“Um, I’d give it another 24 hours just to be safe. You’ll need to take it easy though after you’re gone, no… strenuous activity.” He smirked at me raising an eyebrow.

“Dr Blanchard, what do you think I get up to in my spare time?”

“Well, I dread to think if this is what you call work,” I said pointing at his bandaged shoulder.

We stood together for a moment before he asked, “If I’m gonna be here a while do you have a shower I can use?”

“Uh yeah, just through there,” I pointed behind him, “but you need to make sure you don’t get your bandage wet or move your shoulder too much.”

“Hm, I dunno, I think I’m gonna need a hand with that,” he smirked wiggling his eyebrows at me. I rolled my eyes and walked past him to get a spare towel.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to manage on your own.”

God, I deserved a medal for resisting that level of temptation!

***************

I was sat on the couch on my laptop, looking up shoulder physio when, after about a half hour, Jason finally made his way out of the bathroom looking disgruntled. Judging by the frequent banging and clattering sounds followed by a wide variety of swear words, I had guessed that he was finding one-armed showering harder than expected. I had wondered about offering to help a couple of times but just couldn’t muster the courage. I looked up at half-naked, dripping wet Jason and felt like I may suffer a cardiac arrest. Good God he was gorgeous! Strands of his dark hair were hanging over his eyes as he breathed heavily, causing his muscles to tighten. Ooo mamma…

“So? Howd’ it go?” I asked with a cheeky grin.

“Shut up,” he shook his head and failing to hide his own smile.

“I printed this out for you” I said, holding a small bundle of paper out to him, “they’re just some physio exercises for you to do when your wound is all healed up so your shoulder doesn’t get too stiff and you can start building the muscles up again. You mustn’t try to push it though, gentle exercise, just follow what it says on the sheet. I’ve circled a few bits and added some notes here and there – what pain meds to take and when, that kinda’ thing.” Jason stared down at the sheets in his hand, smiling at the little scribbles I had left over the sheet. “What?” He looked up at me.

“…Nothing,” he said before flopping down next to me on the couch with a groan of discomfort.

“My my, don’t you smell floral,” I laughed as my familiar gardenia shampoo and soap scent hit my senses.

“Like a f*****g English garden,” he smiled back. “I’m guessing the distinct lack of guy stuff means no boyfriend at the moment?”

“You would be correct. And I’m guessing your brazen lack of concern about smelling strongly like another woman means there’s no current girlfriend?”

“Never has been.”

“What?!”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had girls I hooked up with a few times but never found anyone I’ve actually wanted to stick around afterwards,” he shrugged.

“I get that. I had a couple of more long-term relationships a few years ago but medical school and hospital hours don’t exactly allow for an easy social life.”

“You don’t seem too sad about the loss?”

“I guess I can’t have been massively sold on either relationship, otherwise I would have made more of an effort during down time.”

“They were that bad in bed?”

“It’s not all about s*x, Jason.”

“That’s a yes then.” He snorted and I laughed loudly. “So your guys have all the personality and none of the skill and my girls are an amazing lay but have s**t for brains.”

“Ha! We’re doing well aren’t we? When was your last decent conversation with a girl then?”

“Close tie between right now and 5 years ago.” He turned and winked at me. Gotta admit that made my heart flutter just a little bit. “When was your last decent f**k?”

“Huh, define decent.” I scoffed under my breath without thinking. I froze realising what I’d just said, really hoping he wouldn’t follow up on it. He looked at me in confusion.

“Okay um, multiple orgasms?” Well if that’s the bar he’s starting at this could take a while. I sat there in increasingly mortified silence, staring at my rug and praying for him to stop there. “Singular orgasm?” Yep, he wasn’t stopping. “What the f**k?! Any kind of s****l pleasure at all?”

“Well, there was an okay one about six months ago.” God, I wasn’t even convincing myself. Being completely honest, none of my s****l experiences over the years had been particularly memorable or earth shattering. The only reason I knew it should really be better than what I was getting was because of what I’d read in books and from what I could do to myself.

After a long, looong silence, feeling ready to just die and melt into the carpet, I tentatively caught Jason’s eye. Looking at him though, he looked almost outraged rather than amused or sorry for me.

“f**k that.”