It Was Only Ever Erin

Chapter 18 - Disenchanted

Erin’s P.O.V

By the time Jase and I got to my place it was nearly 3am – I was exhausted, aching and still had dried blood on my body. Must have been one hell of a girl’s night. As I walked into the living room I turned to see Jase still standing in the doorway and from the look on his face, I could tell exactly what he was thinking. We stood there in silence, neither of us wanting him to say what he was about to.

“…Erin-”

“No!” I snapped, holding up my hand to stop him. My lip started to tremble and for the hundredth time that night, tears welled in my eyes. “Your said you’d never leave me.” He held my gaze, face set.

“Then you should really leave me. You got hurt becau-”

“I got hurt because of Elliot.”

“And what if someone hurts you to get back at me next time?”

“I know a lot of doctors.”

“Erin I’m serious, how could I ever live with myself having knowingly put you in danger?”

“You’re talking as if I have no say in the matter. Do you think I’m an i***t Jason? I know what could happen – I think that’s been made abundantly clear to me by now.” My voice and temper were rising slowly, as were his.

“In that case yeah, you’re a f*****g i***t Erin; because knowing that should make you wanna get away from me as fast as possible.”

“Yeah well that’s not what I want Jason! Because whether you like it or not I love you and the thought of losing you scares me more than any of that s**t!” I yelled, staring him down as the tears came thick and fast. Jason took a deep breath, shaking his head in frustration.

“…So I guess we’re just two idiots scared of losing each other huh?” he said, his tone low and resigned.

“I guess so.”

He covered the short distance between us in the blink of an eye and wrapped his arms tightly around my body, lifting my feet a little off the floor as I held onto his neck.

“I’m getting blood on you” I said, Jase chuckling reluctantly and lowering me back onto my feet.

“Go take a shower.”

“You’ll still be here when I get out?”

“Yes… I promise.” Deciding to take his word for it I walked into the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror.

The morning of my high school graduation, I had looked in the mirror expecting this big revelation; like I’d see myself as a new woman who was about to take the world head on. In this moment however, I looked at myself and saw someone different to the person who’d always been there before. I wasn’t naïve anymore; I now knew the world I lived in wasn’t as safe, rational or forgiving as I had always liked to believe it was.

The blood stained, tear streaked woman in front of me wasn’t scared though. In fact, the sheer lack of rose-tinted delusion had taken any fear she’d had before. Now that she knew exactly what kind of world she was living in, she saw everything clearly; and the one thing she saw clearer than anything else was her love for Jason. The one person who had never hidden anything from her and with whom she could be completely genuine.

I stared at this new woman a while longer and after deciding I liked what I saw, I stripped down and got in the shower. I didn’t even jump when I felt his hands slip around my waist and hold me close against his body from behind. I turned in his arms and ran my hands through his hair and down his cheeks and he planted small, gentle kisses on my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, my neck. When he got to my shoulder he gave it a small bite, causing me to groan in pleasure and tighten my hold on his hair – he’d learnt my shoulder was one of my weak spots early on.

Biting a little harder he backed me up against the shower wall and pressed his hips into mine so that his hard on rubbed against my c**t. sliding my hand between our bodies, I took him in my hand and started rubbing the tip of his c**k against my soaking wet entrance. I felt his moan against my neck, savouring every sensation before slipping him into me.

Lifting me up by the backs of my thighs he held me in place against the wall and pushed deeper into me. His hips stilled as I looked down into his eyes, his lips brushing mine ever so gently, both of us simply enjoying the feeling of him being inside me. After a few moments I pressed our lips together and deepened the kiss, his hips starting to rock against mine.

All thoughts of what happened earlier tonight had left my mind. Right now it was just me and Jason, steam rolling around us, water trickling down his body, his muscles flexing and hair falling haphazardly over his eyes. As he continued to move in and out of me at a steady pace, he trailed his fingers down my breasts, following the droplets of water before cupping me tightly in his hand. As my head rolled back, he returned his bites and kisses to my neck and pushed even deeper inside me, but never speeding up.

This was the first time I’d had someone inside me without a condom, as I’d been on the pill now since mine and Jason’s first night together. The feel of him, as well as the depths to which he was pushing felt intense, almost painful but oh so pleasurable - I was heady, euphoric, emboldened. Usually with Jason, s*x was animalistic and built off raw passion and desire with an orgasmic finish that felt like a firework display. This was different, it felt as though we were forging a connection between us, our climax a slow build that eventually tore through us; only to bind together even stronger.

As I cried out, my head stretched back, I could feel his lips pressed to my exposed throat, moaning loudly as he came deep inside me. He held our bodies impossibly close together and didn’t stop his thrusts until we were both exhausted.

***************

When my alarm for work went off at 8am the next morning I was aching all over and feeling mentally and emotionally rough as hell. I’d only gotten 3 hours sleep, the majority of which had been filled with nightmares replaying the less pleasurable events of the night before. Looking over my shoulder at Jason, wrapped around me in all his naked glory, I decided that that would be a much better use of my day.

I snuck out of bed, pulled on a tank top and pyjama shorts and went into the living room to call in sick to work, feigning food poisoning. After the deed was done, I started to make my way back to bed when there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Ollie standing there, holding a paper bag from my favourite deli.

“I brought the universal cure for everything” he said, holding up the bag as my stomach jumped for joy knowing what they were famous for.

“Bagels and doughnuts?!”

“All things holey” he smirked as I moaned with pleasure, grabbing the bag from him and giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, you’re my hero.” I turned and flopped down on the couch, opening the bag and diving straight for a bagel. Ollie walked into the kitchen putting on a pot of coffee before leaning on the doorframe and surveying me with a look of concern.

“So how’re you doing?”

“Could be better” I mumbled through my mouth full of bagel. “Though I guess that’s not too unusual after a girl’s first kidnapping.” I gave a small, humourless chuckled but Ollie continued to look worried and pissed off. “Did Elliot get home in one piece?”

“More or less. Is Jase here?” I nodded “And everything’s… okay… with you two?” I gave him a long suspicious look.

“What did he tell you?”

“I may have talked him down a little from a relationship cliff edge.”

“Since when did you become so approving of our relationship?” I said with a small smile. Ollie held a hand to his heart and tried to look greatly offended.

“I may not have understood his fixation at school, but I have always shipped team Blavanaugh.” I laughed out loud and fell backwards onto the couch cushions.

“That’s our ship name?!”

“It just rolls off the tongue so well, deal with it,” he said, shrugging and smiling and rolling back into the kitchen to make the coffee. When he came back into the living room he sat on the coffee table opposite me, handed me my mug and plucked a doughnut from the bag. “So how’re you feeling about all this?”

“All what?”

“The life of a drug dealer’s girlfriend.”

“Not as scared as Jason thinks I should be.”

“You shouldn’t be scared. Vigilant and careful maybe, but not scared. The only reason anything happened this time was because your brother f****d up. We never thought he’d do anything that stupid and we didn’t know he had anyone that could need protecting. Jase isn’t that stupid and if anything were to head south, we’d be there to protect you in a heartbeat.” I sighed in frustration.

“But I don’t wanna need protecting. I don’t wanna be this weak, helpless little girlfriend that people need to worry about – last night when I was just stood there all weepy and tied up in gaffa tape… I just felt pathetic.”

“You’re not pathet-”

“Yes, I am. I mean, is there anything you can teach me? Like self-defence stuff or how to fight someone off?” Ollie looked a little surprised but also impressed.

“Um… yeah okay.” I looked at him expectantly. “Oh you mean right now?”

“Yeah right now!”

“Uh okay… um, on your feet, let’s see what we’re working with,” he said and turned me so that my back was facing him. “Okay, so what could you do if I did this?” he said as he stepped up to me, wrapping his arms tightly around my torso and pinning my upper arms to my sides.

“Umm, I guess I could...” Bending my arms to a right-angle I sharply pulled them back and elbowed Ollie hard in the stomach, winding him completely. He bent double, coughing and trying to catch his breath. “Oh! Oh no, I’m sorry I’m so so sorry!” I jabbered as he fell on all fours and I bent to help him.

“What the f**k is going on?” Jase asked as he staggered into the room, staring at the scene in front of him in complete confusion.

“I elbowed him,” I said in a panicky remorseful voice.

“Did he try and kiss you again?” Jase chuckled, flopping down on the couch and stealing my mug of coffee. I rolled my eyes, continuing to rub Ollie on the back.

“Believe me, any trace of affection I may have developed for your girlfriend is now dead,” he wheezed, causing us all to laugh.