The Wolf's Song

A Book-nerdy Encounter

Diana

As I walked around the bookstore, the promise of a date loomed over me, but in the best possible sense. Though I wanted to hear what Michael had to say about my theory, perhaps he was right.

We had had a few days of chaos, actually, our whole relationship was shrouded in it. Could I even call it a relationship? We clearly missed a few steps, like going on dates, but didn’t having breakfast in his shirts count? It would be if we had spent the night…at that moment my eyes drifted over to a cover of a romance novel, the man looking dangerously close to Michael in both looks and form. Whoa, I groaned internally and shimmy around the corner; there was temptation everywhere.

My panic detour led me in the right direction as I finally found the right letters. I should have taken the clerks’ offer of help, but surely a new release would be out front and center. Guess not. I scanned through the list of authors when my phone went off. I fumbled with it, forgetting I was in a*****e and not a library, I silenced it before I managed to hold it right to answer. Sandra’s voice sounded through the speaker.

“Tell me you’re okay,” she started, the worry thick in her tone.

“What are you talking about?” I played dumb not knowing what she knew. It was creepy how close she and my mother had gotten over the course of our friendship, it wouldn’t surprise me if they gossiped back and forth about me.

“The news! It’s a worldwide story. Your mother is freaking out, she almost had me buy her a ticket to come to get you,” she explained.

“No!” I said a little too loud. “Don’t buy her a ticket, please. I’ve told her many times that I’m fine, Martha is fine. Everything is good, really good,” I ended with a sigh. She caught my meaning, best friend vibes going off.

“Oh, so you and Mr. Dreamy are still trying this huh? He does know you live here, right? I mean, you are coming back?” she asked.

I knew I had a life back home, but since being here, I also felt like I had a life here too. I had friends, a lover, well half-lover--we haven’t actually--I stopped myself before I got carried away again, and I had a family. I belonged in both places, except one place was starting to grow louder in my head.

“It’s complicated for sure, but he loves me,” I said.

“He told you that?” she asked, a sigh on her lips.

“Yes. I sort of whispered it to him over the phone last night, but I can’t deny it anymore. I think I—no, I know I love him,” I said, and though she couldn’t see it, I was smiling from ear to ear.

There was a long pause on the other end, and I checked that she didn’t hang up or that her service didn’t cut out. Neither occurred as I heard her breathing softly.

“You know what, I’m happy for you,” she finally said. “Complications be damned. As a therapist in training, and with no license in jeopardy, I say throw caution to the wind. Love is powerful, scary to be sure, but when it’s right, you have to follow it through,” she said.

“Yeah,” I sighed, tears once again coming to my eyes.

“Oh babe, don’t cry. We’ve been friends for at least five years, and I’ve never seen you even show interest in a guy. If he wasn’t sheet music, then he wasn’t your type,” she laughed and I chuckled, my tears unleashing. She was right though, I was so focused on my music for so long, I almost lost touch with anyone who wasn’t involved in my musical world, but it wasn’t until this year that I even put my violin down to have conversations with people again. Then I started wondering where my fascination with music came from as my mother dealt with acrylics and oils and couldn’t carry a note or play a tune.

A prodigy in her own right, I didn’t get my gift from her. Somehow the need to come here wedged its way through, enough so I went around my mother and got myself invited. The rest was surprisingly easy.

“I was pretty hardcore back then,” I laughed.

“Oh yeah, you once chased me from the band room because I was chewing out of sync with you,” Sandra brought up.

I groaned at the memory and apologized for the millionth time.

“I’m not bitter about it,” she lied, humor in her voice. I would never hear the end of that.

“But seriously, have fun. This is me officially giving you permission to have fun with another human that isn’t me. This probably won’t happen again so enjoy it, I’m single because I have a clingy personality and my love language is all of the above,” she joked but wasn’t lying.

Thank God it was not a library because I busted out laughing. I asked her what had been happening with her, seeing as I had been the main topic the last few times we spoke. She had her own dramas, but they were mostly work-related, she had a new boss that hated the air she breathed, and her classes had started the topic of the male brain versus the female brain.

She said she’d write me a cheat sheet so I could make a checklist of Michael and see if he was the one. I accepted her offer, but I didn’t really need it. I wasn’t at ‘the one stage yet, at least I hadn’t mentally admitted it, but I knew I didn’t want to be away from him anytime soon.

The return home had never even entered my mind, even after the two attacks. Home meant no more to Michael and that just didn’t feel like a home to him. I was even starting to get used to the weather. By the time the snow melted would it be winter again, I’d put all my eggs in that basket, but the white blanket fit Bamberg. The dirty sand-ridden snowy streets in New York couldn’t compare to the cotton fluffs of this place. It was made for snow; seeing it lush in greenery would be a real shock.

As she continued to talk, I finally found what I was looking for, book three of Maya’s new series. She would be getting out of the hospital today, but she wasn’t allowed to return to work for at least a week and only after a follow-up with the doctors.

She wasn’t happy about it, but maybe this book would ease her mind. I knew she would consume this in a matter of hours, but there was nothing like that feeling of finishing a good book, preferably one with a happy ending.

I headed for the check and held in my groan as I took my place in line, seven people deep. I didn’t have time for this, I needed to get to the hospital to drop off the book, and then head to yet another store for a date dress. I clearly hadn’t thought I’d be clubbing or going on dates because my wardrobe mirrored that of an advanced college student whose free time was spent studying. Wait, that was me.

I c****d my head as the single cashier called the next person. To make matters worse, Sandra had to go; her boss had returned. I promised to call her and kept her updated and hung up.

I was not off the phone for even five minutes, the line moved by one person when my phone went off again. I was expecting it to be Michael, hell, I’d take Sandra calling back, but seeing Mom on my screen and my heart sank. I had been talking with her since the event, but it had been through Martha’s phone or through text. I hadn’t wanted to talk, because where I lacked at stringing pretty words together, my mother was a natural at it. I sighed and tilted again. Great, this person wanted a price check. Knowing I was going to regret this, I picked up.

“Hi, Mom,” I answered, using my best perfect daughter voice. I inhaled deeply and reminded myself that tonight I wouldn’t be the child of a worried mother, but a woman in love.