The Wolf's Song

A Special Night Out

Diana

The drive back into town was intense. I tried to figure out how to apologize without taking back what I said. Though I wanted to be desired for more than my looks, it was still nice to know I was pleasing to my partner. Why couldn’t he see it like that instead of me just wanting his stuff?

Of course, from his standpoint, he didn’t hear the whole truth and I knew I could easily fix this by explaining myself, but that would require me to cross that line, and Sandra was right. Men are complicated.

I sighed as I stared out the window, who was I kidding? This whole trip had been complicated and Michael had been the less complicated part of all. Yes, my feelings for him were conflicting but undeniable; I knew he had entered me, and not admitting that fact was costing me precious time. We should be snuggled up in this truck. I should be leaning on his shoulder. He should be running his fingers through my hair as we basked in the beauty of the woods, the silence between us peaceful and comforting instead of awkward. I have never called myself a coward before but…

“Can you drop me at the library please?” I said instead of apologizing.

The town came into view and he pulled in front, putting the truck in park. He continued to stare forward as if the smudge on his windshield were the most fascinating thing ever. I sighed, hating myself for letting this go this far. I gathered my papers and opened the door, but I stopped. I looked back at him, unable to leave him like this. I leaned back in and kiss his cheek, lingering just enough that my lips caressed his thin beard as he tilted his head in my direction.

“Thank you for the ride,” I whispered--being this close to him was stirring me up inside. I didn’t wait for a response and closed the door before I could look back at him. My heart was still pounding when I entered the library. I was surprised to not see Maya at the desk reading, but when I rounded the corner and spotted her in one of the reading nooks, legs up reading, I could only chuckle.

“New Yorker!” She lowered her book and smiled up at me. Her lips were blue, and I couldn’t believe she was actually pulled it off, I could never.

“Hey, I just wanted to return these. Sorry, my friend convinced you to let us take me,” I said, forgetting the tense exchange between Francis and her a few days ago. And he called me cunning.

“Anytime,” she said, taking the pile. “Hey what’s wrong?” she asked. I wrinkled my nose as I tried to downplay my mood.

“It’s nothing. Just drowning in the river of denial,” I groaned.

“Mmm, guy troubles?” she predicted expertly.

“Except I’m the trouble. Have you ever wanted something, everyone knows it, you know it and still fight against it?” I leaned against the bookcase, shaking my head at my own insanity.

“Right. I got this,” Maya threw her legs to the ground and came to straighten me up. “You meet me here tonight at ten… er, eleven, and we are going out. Don’t even fix your mouth to refuse. Dress hot, start now.” She silenced my protests. Seeing as I had no choice, I headed home but ended up stopping at two stores and by the time I was home, I was eager to go out.

Maya was right about starting now because it literally took me all evening to get ready--not sure why, especially since back home I could be ready in half an hour or less.

The night was chilly, but I refused to wear tights with the pink cocktail dress I had just picked up, it was a whole mood and the cold wouldn’t ruin it. A taxi pulled up beside me and I clenched my purse until it stopped, and Maya poked her head out the window.

“Meow! Get in sexy!” she squealed. Someone had already started the party. I hopped in and gave myself over to Maya and whatever she planned for tonight. The drive wasn’t far, being barely out of Bamberg, but it felt like a different world.

Strobe lights greeted us from the streets and the bouncer winked us in without a fuss. German techno music blared as dancers jumped and twirled on the dance floor, a fog machine making them look like shadow people. Maya led me to the bar and soon I was taking two shots back. It didn’t take long to realize that Maya was a bit eccentric, but it was just what I needed to forget my blunder with Michael.

Time flew and stilled as the drinks kept flowing, the music reminding me that it didn’t matter what genre, I still loved it.

“I could probably do that!” I shouted over the lead guitarist’s solo. Maya laughed.

“No way! He’s the best. I always come if I know he’s playing!” She laughed.

“No, really, I’m like a musical prodigy,” I reiterated, the drink loosening up my tongue. She eyed me, not believing me, her blurred jumping figure pulsed as she spun around me, wanting to enjoy the music. I joined her until the taste in my mouth soured and I gagged.

“I think I need some water,” I said. I knew what her look meant but could do another to refute her stance on me being a lightweight. I headed to the bar, the bartender, already serving me all night, had my shot really. I couldn’t refuse and tossed it back before asking for a glass of water. Another look of shame. I ignored it and basked in the cold trail the water produced as it slid down my burning tequila-coated throat.

“Hey you, Diana?”

I shifted in my seat and gasped up at Lorenzo.

“What how?” I wheezed, air rushing from my lungs as my brain couldn’t process what I was seeing.

“Excuse me?” Lorenzo said. “You were friends with our brother, Lorenzo?” The voice said. I blinked and finally saw that it was not Lorenzo, but two boys that could be his twins. I blinked hard.

“Sorry, um Yeah. I knew him, a little. I’m so sorry for your loss,” I gathered my wits.

“Thanks. It must have been awful. We would have been there if Aston and I hadn’t had exams the next day. Lorenzo told us he’d leave early to bring us in. We didn’t end up making it anyway,” he says. “Thomas, by the way. Anyway, just wanted to say hi. Later.” They lingered a bit and then continued to the other end of the bar. I sighed, that was wild. I turned back around and tried to shake off my survivor’s guilt.

I finished my water when I spotted the short blond hair of another of Michael’s many assistants. Why did one man need so many? I crossed to him and dropped down beside him. I could tell I startled him, but he recovered quickly.

“Diana, hey,” he said. He looked painfully uncomfortable, the cup in his hand on the verge of shattering from his firm grip.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“It’s a club,” he answered curtly.

“No, I mean, you don’t look good. Are you OK?” I said, seeing the sweat on his brow. He sniffled and scanned the room, the panic in his eyes apparent when they found mine, grey eyes of stress.

“Michael thinks I need to get out more. I have, uh, anthropophobia, a fear of crowds, and he’s helping me overcome it. I do this twice a week. You should have seen me last week,” He chuckled and sipped his drink, so I studied his profile.

“He really is a good guy, isn’t he?” I asked, seeing the proof in Robert. Even in distress, he heeded advice from a man who was looking out for him.

“Who Michael? Yeah. He doesn’t let anyone show weakness and if you do, he helps you get strong again.” He finished his drink and slammed it on the counter. “Ten minutes longer than yesterday. Good night Diana,” he said and exited. I watched him go as my heart made up its mind. I found Maya and told her I was going out for some fresh air. I headed into the alleyway and pulled out my phone, speed-dialing Michael. He picked up the first ring, and I started before he could.

“I do have feelings for you. So much that I--words can’t express them. Words can only describe my physical attraction to you, they can’t begin to convey what’s in my heart, they are too small,” I griped at my phone, needing to ensure he heard me. The other end was quiet, and I checked that I hadn’t hung up.

“I’ll be right there.” The line disconnected and I gasped as I realized what I had just done.