The Wolf's Song

A Decision is Taken

Diana

Michael’s and Martha’s gazes meet, while making me feel as if they are having a mental battle that neither of them wants to lose. Both have expressed their point of view, and in the course of the past hour I have heard them talking in a thousand and one ways about what they should or should not do, as if the plans included me, but were not about me.

Honestly, they make me feel a little helpless, as if my future depended on others, when the reality is that the decisions concern me entirely, and I have already decided in the course of listening to them the path I will choose.

And it is that Martha has said something true, something that I consider real. She alleges that my transformation into a wolf is not the same as others, because unlike other converts, I was not born human to become a wolf, but this is something that runs through my veins; a gift that I do not know, but that has been speaking through my music all this time, without knowing it.

Understanding it makes me think that there is a nature within me that I am unaware of that I have to face, and that this nature has the power to help Michael in the midst of the war that is about to be fought.

He does not seem to be pleased to hear that, and a part of me regrets it. In the past, he agreed to allow me to stay and help him, for he knew that my gift with music was necessary to settle this matter. But while he still admits that my power is an asset that he wishes to take advantage of, I can see from his conversation with Martha that he does not think it is a good idea to either turn me or keep me in Bamberg when the war breaks out.

“Transformation is a complicated process,” Michael states. “I know it myself. It takes years to learn how to handle it. Super-developed senses become overwhelming, and many of our people suffer crises as they see the world change around them, while they do not. It took me almost a century to age a few years,” he says, “and that’s only in the sense of appearance. I doubt I’ll ever look older than my early twenties, which may sound like an advantage, but how will Diana feel about seeing her mother die, about knowing that she won’t be able to continue her career for decades, or that she may have to fake her death to settle the questions of all the people who love her and who will notice that she’s no longer the same?”

A grimace furrows my lips without my being able to help it. These are painful questions he asks, questions that I have not yet wanted to answer in my inner self.

“You assume that Diana would have to deny her mother the truth, but the truth is that she can tell her mother. Her transformation doesn’t have to be a secret to Diane, and knowing the significance of the change helps to cope with the changes.” Martha raises an eyebrow and looks at him curiously. “Do you really think you’re the first wolf I’ve met, the first to confront me with these questions?”

“They are not questions that you should answer or not, because you are not a wolf, nor have you been faced with the decision of having to turn someone you love,” says Michael.

“I don’t need to be one to have faced the question. Or do you think my son didn’t question the same thing with Diane?” Martha says.

“Enough,” I say, tired of hearing them and standing up.”Enough is enough. You talk about me like I don’t exist, but you’re not my attorneys. I have a say in this, and I can make this decision for myself.”

They both look at me. Martha leaves her deep, blue-gray eyes fixed on me and smiles, as if she knows something I don’t.

“Of course, I do, darling. And I’m sure you will make the right decision.” Martha smiles, and I know Michael is the wolf here, but there’s something wolfish about my grandmother’s smile. She knows I’ve already made up my mind, after all. Her conversation with Michael hasn’t been about trying to get me to make a decision or not, but to try to get him to see a point he hasn’t wanted to see.

“Michael, can we go out for a while? For a walk, I mean. It seems to me there are some things we need to talk about.”

“Of course.” Michael stands up and sighs. “It’s been... Interesting, Martha. I’m sure I’d like to talk to you again.”

“But please, next time let it be in that beautiful home of yours. I hear you’re a great chef.”

I smile, and Michael does the same.

“I’m sure he is. It will be a pleasure to host you.”

She kisses me on the forehead as we say goodbye, and I let my fingers settle against Michael’s arm as we leave. We start walking aimlessly, crossing the town in silence and strolling through the squares, until we reach a road that crosses the town parallel to the river.

“I know you don’t think so, but it seems to me that Martha is right on certain points,” I start to say, and I see him grimace.

“I don’t know why, but part of me sensed that you were taking her side in the conversation.”

“It’s not about taking anyone’s side, Michael. I simply think there are things we are missing. Things that would be good to see.”

“You promised me that if I thought it was convenient, you’d leave Bamberg. I do not wish to put your life at risk.”

“And I’m not asking you to,” I say.”But Martha is right. My gifts are tied to the wolves. I’m sure you’re the most powerful Alpha in the area, but even you will find it hard to maintain control over so many shifters. I, on the other hand, can reach a large crowd with my music.” I look at him, but I don’t think my words are having the effect I want. “Michael, all I’m saying is that I can help you; that I think I can do it. You are strong and I am skilled and maybe, if we stay together, we can find a solution to this whole thing. My place is in Bamberg, with you, with you, not in New York...”

He looks at me as we stop and one of his hands rests on my cheek. I let my face stay cradled against his palm, as I wait for his response, but I sense that he won’t budge on this.

“Understand that for me the prospect of putting you at risk is... unthinkable. Unthinkable. No matter how hard I have to try, I’d rather face this alone than put you in the front row for the kill.”

“Then turn me,” I beg him. “The blood of wolves runs through my veins too. This is my nature. Michael, I understand it’s a complicated change, but maybe it’s not for me. It may be different with me. I am already part of it.”

My gaze changes. I look at our hands and our fingers; our palms are joined and beyond the difference in size, they resemble each other, I wonder how it will feel to possess his form.

“You don’t know what you are asking, Diana.”

“I know what I ask, but I understand your fear,” I sigh. “Unfortunately, I think the time has come to consider the opinions of those involved in this matter, and not just yours or mine.” He frowns, confused.

“What do you mean? This concerns only you and me.”

I deny with my face. “No. This is not about us. It’s about Bamberg, about the safety of its inhabitants, and also, about the pack. They must decide as well.

“I am the Alpha,” he reminds me with a smile. “The pack decides what I decide.”

“You are the Alpha, and you can command them, but you cannot be the voice of their thoughts. They all deserve the opportunity to have a say in this, because if you are unable to see that what I ask of you is reasonable, perhaps it will take the opinion of others like you who have walked this path to really know what we should do.”

I kiss him then.

“It’s time for us to decide this, Michael. Because the time is thrown against us; it moves forward, and I know that soon the time will come when it will not be us who will make the decision, but it will be the decisions who will make us.”