The Wolf's Song

Actions Vs Wishes

Diana

Slowly the evening has begun to fall. I find myself in the middle of everyone, leaning my back against the smooth surface of the wall, right next to the fireplace, which is turned off. Michael is very close to me, sitting on the piano stool.

On the couch are Robert and Clarissa, with Andrew leaning against the far wall, the one that leads out into the living room. Francis sits near Michael on a lonely chair.

In due course, I have explained to them why I asked them to come, as they are all aware of what is going on here.

But for a moment they have been silent. I have been forced to make Michael promise them that the decision they make will not be influenced by his Alpha voice, but I sense that he himself somewhere refuses to let it be so, for, something tells me, he is not used to being contradicted by his own, nor is it a prospect that particularly thrills him. Yet he has been forced to remain silent, and while everyone ponders their own decisions and opinions, I wait, knowing that the scales are now tipping in my favor or against me.

“Actually, I think you should do it,” says Robert, the first to speak. He’s given it a lot of thought, but finally seems to get the courage to give his opinion. “I mean, nobody asked me if I wanted to do it or not. And while it wouldn’t change my position in this pack, or who I am, I would have liked to consider it. It’s different, in a way, but I feel it’s the right decision. Your gifts are in their own way something out of the ordinary, and your blood already belongs to this path, so I say it’s only a matter of time before you embrace your nature, and that it would be best to do so sooner rather than later, given the situation.”

I smile, grateful for his response. Robert never talks that much, but he really must have been thinking this through before he said it.

“I feel the same way,” Francis affirms, “I’ve been talking this over with Michael for a long time now, and I consider it the best way to keep you safe. Change can be painful the first time, yes, but it all depends on the person. It’s different being taken by surprise about something you don’t know about, than diving into it fully aware of what you’re doing and where you’re going,” he states.

“I would have preferred to know what this was all about,” Clarissa says, looking at the floor. Her arms are crossed and her lips are pursed, and of all of us, she scares me the most. “I mean, it’s not that I embrace this nature, but it’s who I am, and I will defend it with my life. And it’s different for you because it’s what you want. If this were just about Michael and you trying to follow him to immortal life, I would tell you that no man is worth it, and that you have to decide for yourself without letting hormones cloud your thinking. But this isn’t about you, or him. It’s about your roots, your personal gift and the decision you’ve made to defend the people you care about using what you have at hand to do so. Michael is just a secondary addition, because let’s face it. You’d ask to be a shapeshifter whether you love Michael or not, just because you know everything you know.”

“It’s true,” I comment, with my voice low and soft.

“It would certainly be a lot easier to take care of you if you were the independent one,” Andrew says, chuckling under his breath. “Although I have to say, I’m terrified at the thought of you becoming one of them. I mean, you’re reckless on your own. I can’t imagine you as a shapeshifter, making decisions without thinking and believing you won’t be affected, just because you’re stronger than most.”

Michael grunts in response to that statement, knowing Andrew isn’t wrong, and I stifle a grimace.

“But do you consider it right for me to decide to make the change now?” I say, trying to bring the subject back to familiar ground.

“I mean, well, I think so. It would certainly make things much easier around here.”

“Everyone thinks that converting Diana will give us a plus if a war breaks out, but doesn’t anyone think it could be a disadvantage? The full moon will affect her as much as the new shifters, or maybe even more since she would be the newest of them all. She would be affected by her heightened senses, by the call of the hunt; by the desire to indulge in her wilder nature.” Michael looks at them all, one by one. “And that being the case, I doubt very much that she would have the strength to pick up the violin and play it to help us all.”

“You sense that Diana’s power comes from the violin, Michael, but Diana’s power comes from her, from her emotions,” Clarissa then states, looking at Michael defiantly. “Haven’t you thought that if she is able to express it with the violin or the ocarina, she could also do it with her voice, for example?” Clarissa raises an eyebrow, and I am struck dumb by the fact that she has hit on a point that even I hadn’t considered.

Music is my strong point, but I don’t need an instrument to carve it out.Will my voice influence the changelings in the same way? I wonder...

“Besides.” Robert cuts off my thoughts. “Diana has a pack, in that she’s different from all the other crazies out there on the loose. A pack gives you power; it gives you control over you. I remember what it felt like to be a lone wolf, and what it felt like when I found you guys.” Robert seems to redden slightly, and you can tell how uncomfortable he is as he says, “The pack changes you. It makes you stronger. More human. More aware of you.”

“It’s true,” interrupts Francis. “If she were to become one, Diana would count on all of us. We’ll be in her head. We’ll be the voices that help her go back inside herself when her instincts get the better of her, whenever that happens.”

“She will never be alone,” Clarissa states, in a tone of voice that reveals to me how much she regrets her own loneliness at times, and I look at her, suddenly moved.

“If you all agree, then...”

“No,” says Michael, though not roaring, quiets all the others and makes me turn, as I look at him, into his deep blue eyes that reveal the leader within. “I don’t care what they say, it’s too risky, too dangerous. I won’t concentrate out there if I know I have to worry about the wolves and on top of that, keeping Diana safe. Talented or not, turning her at this point is unthinkable. It’s too big a risk that I’m not willing to take,” he says.

He gets up then, leaving everything behind and I follow him, noticing how all eyes avoid him. He walks up to his room and closes the door, but I slip through it.

I sit next to him on the edge of the bed, and he sighs.

“You’re breaking all your promises, Diana. My instinct tells me this isn’t right. I can’t think about turning you and taking the risk of this going horribly wrong, just because there’s a chance it could go right.

He looks at me, his blue eyes suddenly mortified, and I sigh.

“All right, Michael. You win,” I whisper against his ear, and hug him. I let him hug me back and bury my face in his neck. “If that’s what you want, I’ll go to New York for as long as it takes, until everything calms down.”

“Just... Let me handle this. I’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sure you will,” I affirm.

He pulls me close, his body pressed against mine, and I begin to trace circles on the back of his neck. He relaxes a little and kisses me, and I get lost in that kiss.

But, as I do so, I think of my own promises. Clarissa is right, this isn’t just about me or him; it’s about something more important.

Determined, and knowing I’m making the right decision, I let Michael believe what he has to believe to be at ease with himself, and once again I promise myself that I will act the way he thinks is right, even if my actions go against his wishes.