More than Once

24

My dad and Matt were sitting by the fire in the living room, so I went outside in search of Andrew. He stood on the back porch, gazing across the snow-covered backyard, while Hannah filled her new sled with her favorite superhero action figures. When he turned to face me, all my anxiety about the two of us faded away. It was hard to feel anything but warmth under the full force of his golden smile.

“Thanks for letting me spend Christmas with your family,” he said as I moved to stand beside him. “They’re a lot of fun.”

I nodded and trailed a finger along the icy railing. “A white Christmas. I can’t believe it. Haven’t seen one of those in a while.”

“No, I suppose not, especially not in LA.” He turned toward me, leaning against the railing. “Do you ever miss it?”

“Every damn day,” I whispered. I’d never admitted that to anyone. Not even Trish.

“Why don’t you go back?”

“There’s nothing for me there.”

“You’re happy here in Dallas?”

“I don’t know. I have my family and…” I bit my lip to stop the next word. Because I didn’t have Andrew, not in the slightest, and I had no idea why I’d almost just said that. “I’ve lived here since I was eleven and I love it—I really do. But LA…” I sighed, closing my eyes, remembering the feel of being on stage, of playing bass in front of a crowd. “LA is full of dreams.”

“You miss playing music.”

It was a statement, not a question. He already knew the answer from our long talk that one night, all those months ago. “Yes. I always will.”

“Do you ever think you’ll go back to it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe someday.” I tried to change the subject before my thoughts went down that dark path. “What about you? Do you like it here in Dallas?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I like my job, and the city is great. But I have no friends or family here, and sometimes I wonder if I belong somewhere else.”

“Where? Back in Boston? Or with your family in Michigan?”

“No. Somewhere new, maybe.” His thumb brushed across my lower lip. “Although now that I’ve found you again, Dallas is looking even better.”

He lowered his mouth to mine for a kiss, his fingers sliding into the back of my hair. I loved the way he kissed, how he always cradled my head in his hand like I was precious to him. Like he didn’t want to ever let me go.

But now I was more confused than ever. This morning he’d said he didn’t want anything serious between us, and now he was making it sound like he did want something more. Which was it?

Dad called out that brunch was ready, and we reluctantly broke apart and headed inside. We all found our places around the table, taking the same seats as last night. Trish gave Matt a kiss as she sat, so I figured the two of them must have been having a better day today. Good. I hated seeing them upset with each other.

Trish and Mom had prepared a feast, with leftovers from last night, plus waffles, eggs, and bacon. While we ate and drank mimosas, my parents asked Andrew about his family back in Michigan, and I discovered he was the middle child—older brother, younger sister. He’d gone to college in Boston and had double majored in communications and English. Like my sister, he loved to read, especially mysteries. He used to play hockey and he liked to watch football, but wasn’t into basketball or baseball. I filed away all these facts about him, greedy to know more. For once in my life, I found myself thankful for nosy parents.

As we finished up our huge meal, my parents shared a meaningful look and my father nodded. “There’s one more thing, Rebecca,” Mom said. She got up and retrieved a red envelope from the kitchen, then handed it to me. “Here. Your other present.”

I wasn’t sure what else they could be giving me, but I ripped through the envelope with my nail and pulled out a card with a snowman on it. Inside, my parents had written me a short note.

Rebecca,

We’re so proud of the woman you’ve become and we know you have a bright future ahead of you. We can tell you’ve really changed and would be delighted to help you to go to college again.

Love,

Mom and Dad

My eyes teared up reading the note and my chest filled with warmth. I was so happy they’d realized how hard I’d worked to get my life back on track and that they were willing to help me take the next step.

“Thank you,” I said, my voice catching.

Dad cleared his throat. “We were going to wait until you moved into your own apartment, but after seeing you with Brett, we changed our minds and decided to do it now.”

Mom practically beamed at me and Andrew. “Ya’ll are such a perfect couple. We want you to have a beautiful future together, and we know that going back to college will help with that.”

My gut twisted, guilt and unease slamming into me like a freight train. They were giving this to me because of Andrew, because they thought the two of us were actually dating, because they believed we were going to settle down and get married—not because of anything I’d done.

For a second I was tempted to smile and go along with it. This was what I’d wanted all along—for my parents to be so impressed by “Brett” that they’d decide to help me out. But now it felt…wrong.

I flashed back to Andrew in the parking lot, telling me he thought I should be honest with my parents. He’d been right all along, and I couldn’t keep up this act any longer. If I was trying to be a different person, a better person, then I had to be truthful with them. And if there was even the slightest chance of a future with Andrew, I didn’t want it to be based around a lie.